Welcome Home and back fellows on this journey to happy destiny and recovery! I hope this finds you with your Step Four Inventories completed your Resentment, Fear, and Sex Inventories completed. If you have not yet begun, please pray for the willingness: Lord make me willing to be willing to take and write down or type up my moral, fearless, searching inventory. (Step Three tells us, first the willingness comes & then the ability!) "ALL things are possible with God." If it were easy everyone would do it, and this disease is overcome simply by a daily reprieve based on our daily fit spiritual condition. Spiritual action is required, to get your spiritual miracle. I pray you take the action and do your part, for God will always, always DO His part! He says, " I will never leave you, nor forsake you!" Let's get better together!
Step Five: "Admitted to God, to ourselves, an to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
Spiritual Principle:" Integrity"; defined as;the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The state of being whole and undivided; holiness.
Fifth Step Prayer
My inventory has shown me who I am, yet I ask for Your help
in admitting my wrongs to another person & to You.
Assure me, & be with me, in this Step,
for without this Step I cannot progress in my recovery.
With Your help, I can do this & I will do it.
If we miss this Step we may return to compulsive overeating, food, sugar addiction and behaviors! We may die, if we do not take this action, will you take the action required?
Notice this Step calls us INTO Action! Here in this Step I learned SO much about myself, not just the confession of what I did, but the why of the what I did. came to me. I learned so much about myself, my character defects, the pain of my past was so real, and clear, I was so thrilled for the opportunity to be free of me!!!However Denial kept me comfortable numb! (Denial is: Don't Even Notice, I, AM Lying). This dis ease has three primary roots: 1. Selfishness, 2. Rebellion, 3. Pride. Yes this disease was a disease of ME! I saw my favorite song had been, me, me, me, me, me, me, me! Then more me! Be it pride..which says, " how dare they do this to me, and now I have every right to be mad, to retaliate, against them or even to hurt me over it?? I found RIGHTS to self harm here! I was self soothing my self over what I was seething with in my soul. I was further hurting myself because I was hurt!. "Hurt people, hurt people!" Wow, I hurt many, many people, thinking it was just me, I mean how could me just eating a little extra here and there hurt my Son, my Mother,? or Me?? Or God/Jesus for me.
I mean I was only 745 pounds, how did that hurt anyone but me? Oh I see it all now so clearly! My son had a mother who watched life, I was a spectator in the game of life!! His mom at seven years old, sat in the van, while every other mom walked to the ball field to watch their little boys play the game, I was the mom, on the walkie talkie, and binoculars talking to my little boy from my van. I could not walk that far to the ball field and breathe at the same time, so I chose to breathe! My son sang and played the guitar at SO many ceremonies and events at his school, I always had someone make a video for me. I had never been in his middle school, and only in his high school one day. The day of his graduation, he had to wheel me in and make a spectacle of himself for me. Special plans had to be made for the super morbidly obese woman in the wheelchair and on oxygen to even attend my son's graduation! I just wanted to blend in, I just really wanted to blend in!! Oh how I hurt my son. My Mom, whom I lived with. Myself; maimed, disfigured,so many personal and public problems! This dis ease had almost destroyed every part of me, however, because the solution, is spiritual,I had faith that God could save even me, and He is one day at a time, as I humbly, willingly surrender my will, food, and life over to His loving care. When I saw that was the answer and simply NOT don't ever eat sugar or flour or a food plan for my salvation, I finally knew I was Home, and that Jesus died for me and rose from the dead, certainly God could raise me, a 745 pound woman, from the death bed I was laying in!! I had to add my faith and willingness to pick up my sick bed and walk through the 12 steps that lead me from hell, and into sweet abstinence and serenity! Nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels, this is not a quote, this is a fact! I confess the hours I have wasted, the pleasures I have tasted that God was never in, and though His love was in me, it didn't always win me, when competing with my sin, I make no excuses, no one else to blame, but I return to fall in love with Jesus, instead of food. And His love reached all the way to that low bottom to where I was!
So false pride was telling me since I was the victim of incest, rape, violence, abandonment, heinous, heinous, insidious things, so I should not have to share things pain full things, I didn't do, but what was done to me. I do NOT want to share with someone I barely know! These things were SO painful, So hurtful, I still wanted to stuff my face over these things. and knew I had to be willing to instead to face my stuff! (Stuff my face, or face my stuff). So I prayed for the willingness to share things I don't even want to think about much less speak of.. and it was Step Five day, and that simple prayer of willingness, gave me ability to go through to read my columns and share them with my trusted Sponsor. Tears, crying? Yes! Fear yes! I did it afraid. Painful? Yes, I did it in pain. I even had shame at that time, I did it even full of shame! The important part was to DO it.. I had to take spiritual action to get my spiritual miracle. The results are SUCH healing! SUCH freedom! SUCH amazing love and freedom washed over into me, and acceptance from my loving Sponsor, and from my loving Saviour who already paid for my every shortcoming or sin, and those done unto me, and those I did, well a flowing stream of miracles continue to happen for me every day through being willing to shed the pain from my past, I have been able to shed 230 pounds, ALL for the glory of God. I pray you are willing to be willing to take action and to share your Step Four Inventories with your trusted Sponsor, or Pastor, Life Coach or Counselor. (If you have no one, please check the Sponsor List provided through TRG, or if you still do not connect with any of those, please email me, and I will humbly receive your Fifth Step and pray with you to get you the freedom provided as we work these Steps that all lead us to freedom and a healthy relationship with God/Jesus for me, and not the food). False pride and pain, told me I didn't need to forgive them, these monsters of my past, I knew in my spirit if I did not forgive I could not get well. I had to forgive them for me, not them, so I could get well? I knew I had done wrong things, but false pride told me it wasn't as bad as their stuff. I started praying the Angry Man's Prayer for each of these men and women, asking God to. " save me from being angry at ________. Thy will be done, and bless____ with everything I want for myself. I prayed this for 2 weeks for them and honestly I finally did mean it. They were very sick.. So I was I.. I wanted their sickness and my sickness off of me.. I became willing to give away my Step Four. I wanted to be forgiven my sin/wrongdoings, so I needed to forgive as well. Now this my friends is true healing and freedom, and it is as available for you as it is me!
This Step requires Action! Spiritual Action. What we have is a daily reprieve based on our daily fit spiritual action. So we must take spiritual action or else.. the or else.. is for us to die. This is slow suicide! I didn't want to be the 800 pound woman and on tv for your viewing pleasure! It is SO painful, physically, financially, emotionally, sexually and spiritually pain full.. So I filled myself up on food, sugar, and more of it, or none, and gained weight from no food, inactivity, steroid injections on top of dose packs of steroids for chronic asthmatic bronchitis, pneumonia, and pain, the pounds of pain compiled one pound at a time. It will for you too, if you do not become willing to take the action it takes for you to be free of the obsession of the mind and the allergy of the body; this 2 fold dis ease! Now we get to the EXACT Nature of our defects, faults, wrongs, mistakes, character defects, shortcomings or sin. Yes the ones we did, & have and also those done unto us. Self appraisal won't work, it is REQUIRED to give it away to someone else.. I mean why would I want to hold onto the very things that are eating at me, so I eat at them? Why would you want to hold on to the very things that are eating ar you, so you eat at them? That alone made me willing. I was at the precipice of death. Even the weight loss surgeon told me it was too late. I would die on the table! Breathing and weight issue equaled death in the natural, but in God's power it meant He had a miracle for me to take, just take the action because "faith without works is DEAD!" What good does it do to believe in God, and not take the action of faith to get His healing hand to move? Spiritual action equals spiritual miracle, and 230 pounds later, I am still taking spiritual action to get my complete miracle of a healthy body, and healthy body weight!
If sharing the EXACT nature of my wrongs, would save my life, i could give it away afraid, I could give it away sad, broken, angry, I just had to give it away to keep my abstinence and serenity and oh how I want to live and not die now.. before it is too late, and you friend? I was willing to go to any lengths, and if I wanted what my Sponsor had, freedom from compulsive over eating, food, and sugar addiction and a healthy body weight, I had to do what she did, to get what she had. I was willing!
We are to realize Step Five is a life and death errand!! We have a choice.. life or death, I pray you become willing to share your inventories with a spiritual advisor, and get free from the death on you, in you, and eating at you, so you no longer eat at it!! Then and hour of meditation, which allows God to talk to us, is advised and peace just flooded me during this time, and I felt, and truly experienced the peace of God that passed all human understanding, and cried healing, humble tears! I was not alone! Someone didn't just reject me and tell me how vile, wicked or sick I was, they love me just as I was.. Jesus, and my Sponsor. Definite healing came and comes from that spiritual action, and now each time I do this Step anything remaining or new is given to continue to walk in freedom from the bondage of self!! A psychic change had definitely taken place, and freedom, tasted better, than any feast I have ever had, and continues to!
Willingness is the foundation, Believing is the cornerstone, Our decision is the keystone!
Until someone in OA knows everything you know about yourself, you are nowhere. The result will be NIL until we tell it ALL, and the let go absolutely! I had to make a conscious decision between DOing the Fifth Step or going out and Bingeing or picking up again! I want abstinence & serenity, a healthy body weight, and I want a personal relaitonship with Jesus way more than I want a relationship with food. I want to live and not die!
Recommended Reading For Step Five:
*AA Big Book: (p. 72-76)
*OA 12 Steps & 12 Traditions (p. 45-52)
AA Big Book Step Five:
The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.
We are willing to get a new attitude, and to connect in a real way with our Creator, a real relationship with our Creator! We admit our certain defects and they are about to be cast out! Wow God is So amazing! If we miss this Step we may return to compulsive overeating, food, sugar addiction and behaviors! We may die, if we do not take this action. Even if we leave out our most painful things or things we would rather not speak of, we will not have enough humility or freedom and the BINGE is inevitable!
(BINGE: Believe,I'm Not Good Enough). Even psychologists agree, that seldom tell the whole truth! It is required to get well. Find an honest person who you do trust to keep your anonymity. If not your Sponsor,a Pastor, friend. We may do well to speak with someone ordained. We do not tell someone it would injure. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others. ( Either your Sponsor, Pastor, a Life Coach, or Counselor, or email me please). There is a list of available Sponsors here on this Loop. We pocket our pride, and go to every dark corner in our lives and give this to God and another trusted person. We will then feel the nearness of our Creator, and have a spiritual experience! The feeling the compulsive overeating is gone will often come! We are now walking hand in hand on the Broad Highway to the Spirit of the Universe! After giving away our Fourth Step inventories here in Step Five we are to take an hour of quiet time and meditate, which is when God talks to us. Prayer is when we talk to Him, and meditation is when He talks to us. We are to thank Him from the bottom of our hearts for knowing Him better. We are building and arch in which we are now walking though a free man at last! Willingness is indispensable here. are we willing to let go every objectionable thing in our lives? If not we pray for the willingness to do so to get our miracle, The willingness will and does come!
OA 12 Steps & 12 Traditions:
No matter how we acted we felt isolated, alone, and apart. Now there is finally positive action we can take to even come out of isolation. The inventories brought us new insights and understandings. As we admit our part, we even gain new hope! Dirty laundry is not what we are sharing it is really reality and freedom being washed into us. We begin to forgive ourselves and see ourselves as capable. Admitting our exact wrongs to a trusted person truly brings us into understanding and acceptance of ourselves. Nothing can be changed until we truly accept it! By learning to know ourselves here and accept ourselves makes it possible for us to recover and change. We simply need to give it away to a person we trust to keep our confidence, someone who won't try to fix us, or judge us we need someone objective to guide us through it.. To discuss the exact nature of our wrongs we talk about the why's, our feelings our actions and how we feel afterwards, the results. Sometimes understanding our motives helps us to understand ourselves better. Most of us find fear is at the root of most of the damaging emotions and actions. We must learn to trust other people and to trust God! Step Five is a giant stride in that process of trusting others and God. Determined to get well, we take this risk, when we do a miracle happens. When we do this we begin to trust! Therapy alone does not heal us from compulsive overeating, we must maintain active in the 12 step work, answering the questions taking the steps, using the 9 tools.
As we complete Step Five we may experience;humility, elation, and relief! We are free at last. Honesty is the key factor in our recovery, as without it, we cannot recover! Steps 6 through 12 will show us more the actions we can take to bring about the necessary changes in our lives. Now we can leave the character defects that have caused us so many problems in the past! "In the past, End the past!"
5th Step Prayer—page 75
"God, I thank You from the bottom of my heart that I may know you better."
NOW YOUR PART: QUESTIONS FOR STEP FIVE:
1. Are you or have you set up a time to grieve over your pain from the past and yet set up a time to give a way your Fourth Step to your Sponsor, or someone you trust? Where are you at in moving forward in your Recovery and Stepwork miracles?
2. Do I have willingness as my foundation, belief as the cornerstone, and have I made a decision to let God direct my life which is the keystone?
3. Are your first three Steps solid? (We admitted we are powerless over food, our lives had become unmanageable. We believe a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity? Made a decision to turn our will, food and lives over to the care of God?)
4. So we are to ask ourselves is our work solid so far? Have we left out anything that will cause our house of recovery we are building to fall?
5. How are you doing with the honesty factor? Are you giving away all the dark things you would rather not mention, How willing are you to be honest now?
6. What scares you about sharing the exact nature of your wrong-doings? Have you ever been afraid and taken action anyways? Who is your fear related to in your past? Will you let fear hold you back from your recovery; abstinence, serenity & healthy body weight?
7. What is your take away, and something positive about Step Five for you?
8. When is your appointment to give a way your Fourth Step to your trusted spiritual advisor??
God bless n prayers,
The Twelve Steps