STEP TWO: "Came to believe a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
In the first Step a measure of despair, and in the Second Step a measure of hope!
A Prayer before beginning a new Step:
Dear God please set aside everything I think I know about myself, this book, my disease, these steps, & especially about you dear God so that I might have an open mind, and a new experience with all these things. Please help me to see the truth. (called The Set Aside Prayer).
After admitting I am powerless over food and that my life had become unmanageable, I am humbled enough to know that somebody bigger than this 515 pound woman, (previously 745 pound woman), will have to save me, or else, I will surely die! The Big Book tells us, "to be doomed to a compulsive overeaters, death, or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face!" I pray you are ready to face living and not dying! Every day we have a choice to make life or death. While in the food, or bingeing, or picking up, we are sowing seeds of death daily. While abstinent, and having a willingness to be abstinent, we are sowing seeds of life! Let's choose life together and get better, shall we?
Thank you for your willingness to continue on in this journey to your happy destiny and recovery! Hopefully at this point we are now able, or willing to see after the leveling of our pride in Step One, that we cannot simply, by willpower alone, quit eating compulsively, or change our unmanageable lives! We are suffering from an illness so fatal. so grave, that ONLY a spiritual experience will conquer it. Now we know what we have to do in order to recover from this fatal disease;undergo a life changing spiritual transformation. God is everything or He is nothing! (If your higher power is not God, if you are atheist or agnostic, as long as you believe some external force outside of yourself, a power greater than yourself is needed, & you will be honest & give yourself over to the simple principles of this Program, you also will recover). Many people use OA & this fellowship as their higher powers in the beginning as well. What I love about this Program is they tell you to write down your own God idea, what you need God to be, and bring that God to believe in. I just am so blessed to already find my Higher Power, already written down on the many pages of the Bible, and that God rose from the dead; Jesus so I have utmost faith He is even resurrecting me from the ash heap of death from this addiction!
Isn't it beautiful that even the newcomer can start OA without any specific belief, or any belief, (atheist, agnostic). All a person needs is open-mindendness, & the willingness to believe that this Program works? This the H.O.W. of HOW we get well. (Oh I love acronyms as you will see because they just bring me such awareness). So HOW we get well is : Honesty, Open-mindedness & Willingness. (Remember if you are not yet willing, don't jump ship, simply pray God make me willing to be willing to DO whatever it takes to get well). First the willingness comes then the ability. (oh I love that & pray for more willingness all the time; for DOing the next right thing, to be willing to eat & exercise in a God honoring way. I pray for willingness to get out of bed some mornings! Lord make me willing to be willing to _________ you fill in the blank for God answers prayer).
So again we compulsive overeaters, bingers, anorexic, bulimia, eating disorder addicts, have two choices; either alot of food or alot of God! For not only is a spiritual experience possible, it's a guarantee as long as we keep an open mind & take the Steps as described in the "Big Book!" The challenge in Step Two is to gain enough faith to believe that God can accomplish in us, through us, what we could never accomplish for ourselves. The great news is that our faith will grow as we open our minds to the possibilities of what God can do to help us with our food & life issues. After I had the awareness that I was actually suffering from a two fold disease; the obsession of the mind & the allergy of the body, I started out praying to God to remove the insanity; obsession of the mind and to heal me from the allergy of the body. Once I started letting go of the food;one meal, one day at a time, & started following a food plan & trusted God to help me act sanely around the food I started feeling closer to God without the food fog & the obsession of the mind lifted. I honestly was and am amazed at the head space, and freedom that comes from abstinence, This is why I proclaim "nothing tastes as good as abstinence feels!" The committee in my head was silenced that screamed at me from anywhere about how loathsome, and awful I was to food, food and more of it! The season of insanity had passed when abstinence came! I mean talk about self will run riot. Food, sugar, white flour, it didn't matter what the food, I am areal low bottom compulsive overeater, or hardocre anorexic, just depends on which eating disorder is triggered off in me. This dis ease had taken my body & mind hostage! 745 pounds, me, an anorexic? How could I call that anything but insane? I had been trying to bend my life to my own will, not God's will, & even my will for me turned on me, the food & dis ease took over! The arrogance & pride I had, to actually think I could run the show&d bend life on my own terms, well by the time I came out of that food fog, and a bender or BINGE (Believe, I'm Not Good, Enough), I knew I needed alot more God and alot less me, oh please God, alot less of me!! I had most definitely become an outcast of society and still am for that matter as a 500 pound woman much less the 700 pound woman. I am cut off from relationships and unable to find acceptance from people who are not fellow strugglers on the journey to Recovery,( I mean it takes one to know one right?) I thank God I am no longer alone. Isolation is so dark, lonely & painful. However this Step brings me such joy then & now.
Through Program I realize I have a huge God shaped hole in my soul from all of the pain from my past; I mean appetite means the soul. My soul was so harmed by the wreckage of my past, and my appetite for food was insatiable. I was hungry to feel loved correctly. To feel joy, peace, safe, satisfied, to be comforted from all of the sexual abuse as a child, divorce of my parents, abandonment, just so much pain that is outside of human aid for healing. I have tried everything nothing was anything of permanence & some things like the food & sugar harmed me even more! I just thank God for Godly parents who told me of the greatest love of all. I mean God so loved the world that He gave! He gave His only Son for me to prove His love! Everyone else had taken from me. Things they had no rights to take! My innocence, my faith in humanity my hope in mankind, my dignity, my sanity! But here was Jesus (my HP, please use your own, not meaning to offend here rather help), Here was God, wrapped in swaddling clothes lying in a Manger, I mean He could have come as a King, a Robot, anything but yet He came so innocently and pure so that I could love Him, and not fear Him. Then there is God hanging as Jesus on an old rugged tree for to prove yet again His great love for me, I mean what nail on this earth could hold God on a tree? Only the purest of loves is the very reason He stretched open His arms on that tree, and love hung Him there! Love for you, love for me. Only this love of God, can fill up that God shaped hole in my soul, that I ate myself almost to death from all of that pain from my past, that only God's love demonstrated through Jesus Christ my Lord could heal me, fill me, satisfy me. Once I started turning to Him & not the food for loneliness, for pain management, for a friend that sticks closer than a Brother or who wouldn't molest me like a brother, great healing like a tide at bay came rushing in & doing for me what I could never do for myself! I truly had enlarged my spiritual life and instead of living to eat, I live to greet and connect with the greatest love of all, His True Word is called Meat, He now prepares a feast for me in the presence of my enemies: pain, anger, hurt self loathing, "selfishness, rebellion & pride", (the 3 fatal roots of addiction) plus every other character defect, the enemy himself, and He is enough! God & His love is So much more than enough! His love reaches to the highest mountain, it flows to the lowest valley, His love gives me strength from day to day, and His love reaches and fills even me! I just never connected God to my food, that He cared what I ate and that even eating was so I so I would see my need for Him! Just as babies need the milk of Mother every so hours, I need the milk of God's Word to fill me, this is why He is called the Bread of Heaven. Living Water, & The Bread of Life! I need connection to Him, relationship not religion. The practices of religion left me cold, The love of God filled and seals that God shaped hole daily, as long as I have and maintain daily conscious contact with Him, and go to Him for pain management for satisfaction and not numb out, dumb out, stuff my feelings instead of facing my stuff, then I am able to have 4 years consecutive abstinence and freedom from sugar and release 230 pounds. Once I started connecting my food issue as a spiritual issue in this Step, I started hungering and thirsting for God and time with Him in prayer, when I talk to God, and then in meditation which means time God speaks to me. People say," well Linda, does God really talk to you?" Not in a audible voice like you and I would talk or converse, rather through His Word; The Bible, through a very still small voice in my soul and heart, if I just listen, ("Be still and know that I am God). He speaks to me through you and other people. Through Nature, animals, through music;alot for me. Just through so many ways, I just simply seek Him, and always find Him, knock for Him & the door is always opened for me. His Promises are true, not like ordinary man, He promises He will never leave me, nor forsake me, and for most of my life I have known Him, and His Word is absolute Truth, and this is The truth that lead me here to you, this is no coincidence that you are reading this today. God is seeking you, gently calling you, and loves you so much. He is able to fill that God shaped hole in your soul, and is just waiting for you to come to believe, & turn to Him and not the food.I no longer need that ice cold comfort, that hot & ready comfort, that sweet treat that leaves me not sweet & undone wanting more. Every time I have a craving I am consciously aware, it is a prompt to pray. It is either a signal for time with God to either physically feed my body and take time to thank Him for the food, or time to pray, surrender, and get the milk and Bread of Heaven I need as I surrender my will, & life over to His most loving care!! That's what this Step is "came to believe in a power greater than yourself can restore you to insanity."
THE PRINCIPLE OF STEP TWO: Hope
Definition of Hope: a feeling of expectation & desire for a certain thing to happen. Friend if you find yourself without hope today, let's simply ask God (or your HP) to bless you with the willingness to hope again! I have had to pray this prayer, many time in my life! Lord make me willing to be willing to hope again, to believe you can restore me to sanity around the food, in my life, and for a complete healing in Jesus name Amen.
YOUR PART: Please read Step Two in the AA Big Book: (p. 44-60) Also read Step Two in The OA 12 Steps & Twelve Traditions (p. 9-17).
AA BIG BOOK FOR STEP TWO :
The main object of this AA Big Book is to help us find a Power greater than ourselves which will solve our problem! We must find a spiritual basis for life or else! That or else is death! We food addicts don't suffer from a moral issue, it is a spiritual issue. Our human resources, our will is not enough to get us well. We suffer from a lack of power. "Let us make haste, as soon as we are able to lay aside prejudice & express a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves we will commence to get results, and that Power is God! Our own conception of God is sufficient. God does not make too hard of terms for those who seek Him. This belief in God is the cornerstone to build our spiritual structure upon. If we don't believe or are not yet willing we will be crippled by obstinacy, rebellion!We are asked to have an open mind here and reasonableness. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about. When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our idea did not work But the God idea did. Without faith it wouldn't be life. Join us on the Broad Highway. With faith, belief and willingness to believe the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you. We need to ask ourselves who are we to say there is no God. Once the compulsion to overeat is lifted we can see how God is restoring us to sanity & blessing us with our miracle of healing! This miracle leads us to be willing to believe & enable us to humbly offer ourselves to our Maker. God comes to all who earnestly seek Him. When we draw near to God He discloses Himself to us.
OA TWELVE STEPS & TWELVE TRADITIONS FOR STEP TWO:
If we are to be quite open, we would need to be honest that our way of eating is a bit insane. We have had irrational and destructive behaviors. we lied to to others because we didn't want to face the truth ourselves. We continued overeating knowing how we are disfiguring & maiming our bodies. We isolated ourselves & painfully so. We ruined our relationships & our health. Then horrified by what we have done to ourselves we than became obsessed with dieting & behavioral schemes, we tried everything however always came back to the food. Still we could not admit our powerlessness. Being obese, sick & out of control many of us thought about suicide and some of us tried it. The more we ate, the more we suffered, yet we continued to overeat. Our true insanity could be seen that despite all of our misery we still turned to the food trying to find comfort. Once we honestly looked at our lives it became easy to admit how we had acted insanely around the food. Compulsive overeaters are usually people of extremes. Too much of the time we lived in fear and anxiety & believed we deserved abuse. We were wildly excited 7 D & deeply depressed. Little by little we began to see how much our way of life was hurting us. Clearly a Power greater than ourselves had to be found if we were going to be restored to sanity! We despaired at finding a soul-ution if it meant we had to find God. OA suggests we remain open to spiritual growth & show tolerance for others beliefs. Ours is a spiritual Program, not religious. We ask another OA member to be our Sponsor, someone who has what we want in Recovery & then we are no longer alone in Recovery. We need a Spiritual power in light of our problem. Little by little as we experience change it is even easier to come to believe in a Power greater than ourselves. We have a deep spiritual problem and God will in His totality help us with everything when asked. God will help us with every decision,even food choices and amounts. In OA God's healing power comes through us as a caring Community. We are meant to open up so that we may truly learn to love others, and ourselves. We have to replace our old ideas about God with a faith that works! This willingness to act on faith is the key to Step Two.
1. Do you believe, or are you even willing to believe that there is a Power greater than yourself?
2. " I am perfectly sane, I just have an eating problem." How sane are you really as you look at that statement?
3. "God is everything or He isn't God either is, or He is not" what is your choice to be, where are you at with this Truth?
4. Are you lying to others and yourself where food and life are concerned, what is so scary about telling the truth?
5. Are you living in constant companionship with your Creator? Or are you praying for the willingness to be? What does your constant companionship with your Creator look like?
6. Will you take an honest look at your life sharing your admission of how you have acted insanely around the food?
7. Are you yet drawing near to God so that He will disclose & reveal Himself to you? What does this look like to you?
8. "Willingness to act on faith is the key to Step Two." Do you have this willingness? What does it look like for you, or do you need to pray for this willingness today?
9. On a positive note, what is your take away regarding Step Two today?
First Step Prayer:
Dear Lord, Help me to see & admit I am powerless over food addiction. Help me to understand how my food addiction has led to unmanageability in my life. Help me this day to understand the true meaning of powerlessness. Remove from me all denial of my food addiction.
Second Step Prayer: Heavenly Father, I am having trouble with personal relationships. I can't control my emotional nature. I am prey to misery & depression. I can't make a living. I feel useless. I am full of fear, I am unhappy. I can't seem to be of real help to others. I know in my heart that only You can restore me to sanity if I am just willing to stop doubting your power. I humbly ask that You help me to understand that it is more powerful to believe than not to believe & that you are either everything or nothing. (p, 52 & 53 AABB).
Great work & willingness today!
God bless n prayers,
Linda F <3
The Twelve Steps
© Copyright 1995 ~ 2016 THE RECOVERY GROUP All rights reserved