Person harmed |
PHYSICAL |
MENTAL |
EMOTIONAL |
SPIRITUAL |
Linda
– I harmed myself this way but I also put these expectations
and
beliefs on my children, coworkers, friends, and a spouse. I especially
added to some of their stress by emotionally distancing over the
slightest infraction. I have a specific list. |
By pushing myself to
work more hours for employers, family, and other entities than was
reasonable. |
Allowed
others to over-influence my thoughts and thinking intelligence was more
important than love and relationships--being right and smart in other
words! |
Accepting
more emotional abuse and even abusing myself long after abusers had
stopped |
Believing
my dear sick parents were the last word on spirituality even though
they were avowed atheists. Refusing to allow anyone to love me once I
became disappointed in childhood. |
Again,
I expected this of myself and others as well. I used them to do the
impossible sometimes. I shared many of my negative thoughts as well,
venting my frustrations on others who cared about me. Sometimes I shut
others down emotionally and would not listen to them. Many times I
pretended to be spiritual and yet I wasn’t even praying for
those
around me or myself either. My children especially are affected by my
addictive role model. |
Lifting and
doing other physical labor that was beyond my capacity and injured me. |
Negative
thinking |
Allowing
myself to stuff emotions with food and activity to distract me from my
grief and pain |
Trying to
keep God in a box instead of putting prayers in a God box! |
I
have pushed myself unmercifully all my life trying to
“BE” someone
extra special so I had the right to exist. I often neglected my mental
health and spiritual issues causing them to worsen and make me hard to
be around. Eating all the while. Just trying to pretend once again that
there was no solution to my misery so I could keep on using. |
Always
in a hurry to people please and then being accident prone (once a car
even ran over me because I was too busy to put it in park) |
Untreated
depression and PTSD |
Neglecting
to encourage myself and to allow myself to be nurtured and loved and
supported. |
Believing human
beings were an adequate representation of God instead of going within
myself and trusting my truth. |
I
have refused to really live. I have allowed bitterness and
disappointment to limit me spiritually and by that same token I have
limited what I could have contributed to those I loved around me. I
have acted as if the material world was all there was even though
pretending to have faith. This affected my children but also friends
and spouses and coworkers. |
Put off
medical care |
Too little
stimulation and development of talents and gifts and learning. |
Very little
development of my artistic side which is a large part of my God given
personality. |
Believing
in cultures and manmade society and man-created communities more than
the aliveness and truths of nature and spirituality. |
I
have been so angry and unforgiving to myself despite knowing my
background was pretty rough. I have blamed God and even though I have
not voiced this out loud I believe my life itself reflects this
negative belief and it affects those around me. I have to add to my
list of those I have harmed in this way as I become more aware of this
very subtle issue.. I have been very passive and modeled this to my
children. I had the mistaken belief that passiveness was spiritual. Now
I know it was childish and irresponsible. |
Not enough
sleep |
Living in
fantasy and escape thinking |
Being
dishonest when scared and angry and sad and hurt. Denying it so no one
knew where my boundaries were. |
Believing
God was wrong for giving us free will--that he/she should have drawn
the line somewhere! (Especially before I
was harmed!) |
Sitting and stewing
has been a big issue for me. I was told that “figuring it
out” was not a tool! I need to act.
This
is more in the realm of living amends to self and others. I have not
been fair to others when I have been silent and resentful. I owe them
an adult response not childish silence. |
too much
sedentary time |
entertaining
pity parties |
Being
silent when I needed to stand up for myself |
Trying
to seek the God of intellect rather than opening up to the Spirit of
God within me and without. The force of the universe. |
Again
more living amends. But I also have led a life of self indulgence with
the food. Even though I am making progress now there have been years of
this fruitless kind of living. Control issues alone, shutting people
out of my life for the slightest harm done to me instead of talking to
them about it. I have a list of the people I have done this to. |
overeating/binging |
Hanging on
to resentment and thoughts of worthlessness |
Allowing
fear to paralyze me and keep me from enjoying life. |
Believing
so little! Trying to make my world small enough to control it! |
Defiance.
I was going to hold out and “insist” the world meet
my expectations. I
was not going to try and fit in to this imperfect world. Very sick
thinking and living. This affected every relationship I have ever had.
If not directly then indirectly. |
large
weight gains |
thoughts of
low self esteem even when I had assets I was very aware of. |
Keeping up
walls to avoid being abandoned or betrayed or hurt in any way |
Expecting
far too much perfection in an imperfect world. |
Excuses.
Everyone else does it. I was very hard to live with and I always
thought I was such a nice person. But my addictive self was not at all
pleasant to be around and much of the time it had to be very confusing.
I have blamed religious people for these very attitudes. Judging. At a
minimum, this is a living amends that non-judging has to be
fully
embraced. |
eating
foods that were harmful to me |
all or
nothing, black and white thinking, always thinking in extremes and drama |
Took life
way too seriously and did not cultivate the enjoyment of humor and fun. |
More
interested in criticizing than being part of a spiritual solution. |
