In Step One we not only admitted we were powerless over food, but we came to understand exactly what that term meant. It meant without power. We have also admitted that our lives had become unmanageable and then recognized what unmanageable meant. We have recognized that our self destructive behavior was the symptom of our unmanageable life rather than its cause.

In Step Two we have come to recognize that since we were powerless, it would take a Power greater than ourselves to restore us to sanity. And we have come to believe that this could happen.

In Step Three, we decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of that power greater than ourselves. And since a decision without an action is valueless, we decided to validate that decision by taking the action of implementing the rest of the steps.

In Step Four we saw that the focus of the inventory was on recognizing our character defects that caused to self destruct. The inventory from the Big Book and the AA 12 and 12 then changed our focus from ourselves to how these character defects affected other people.

In Step Five we admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our defects. We discussed these defects with another human being.

In Step Six we learned that since these character defects were spiritual in nature, we could not remove them from ourselves. We then became willing to be ready to let God remove them.

In Step Seven we humbly asked Him to remove all these defects to the extent that they hindered our usefulness to Him and our fellows. We saw that self-centeredly asking Him to entirely remove those character defects which we decided were objectionable would not work. We say that the character defects that hindered our usefulness to Him and our fellows were what the program would work on.

I have found that if you read the material you will reach the same conclusions that I did. I want to endorse your conclusions, not convince you of mine.

BB. p. 76

"Now we need more action, without which we find that "Faith without works is dead." Let's look at Steps Eight and Nine. We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory."

That is the entire eighth step in the BB. Just as steps six and seven were single paragraphs, so is step 8. The first part of step 8 is simply the act of making a list. The same list of people, places, institutions, etc you made when you did your inventory.

BB p. 77
"At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us."

We need to keep step 8 in perspective as only a part of the process designed to stop the self destructive behavior of our illness. We do not want to lose sight of our real purpose as we put our life in order. The real purpose of the program, the source of our permanent recovery this program promises, is reached by being of maximum service to God and the people about us.

BB p. 13 Bill Wilson shares how he was taken through what is now called the 8th step.

"My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability."

At this point it does not matter if you harmed them or if they harmed you. Now is not the time to edit, eliminate, whether it is appropriate to list someone or something; that will be done as part of the 9th and 10th steps. All those that you have harmed, resent, or have anger toward should be listed. If it came to mind as you did your inventory, then it should also be included in this Step. This list is the basis of your 8th step.

We will make amends in step nine. No need to worry about how to do it now. We are simply making a list.

P, 77 in AA 12 and 12
"It is a task which we may perform with increasing skill, but never really finish."

It does not have to be done perfectly just like with all the steps except step one, which is the only one that can be done perfectly. As we live in step 10 we make up for any deficiencies we find and the day something comes to our awareness we ask to be willing to make amends.

P77 AA 12 and 12
"But if a willing start is made, then the great advantages of doing this will so quickly reveal themselves that the pain will be lessened as one obstacle after another melts away.
These obstacles, however, are very real. The first, and one of the most difficult, has to do with forgiveness. The moment we ponder a twisted or broken relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive. To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. This is especially true if he has, in fact, behaved badly at all. Triumphantly we seize upon his misbehavior as the perfect excuse for minimizing or forgetting our own."

P 78 AA 12 and 12
"In many instances we are really dealing with fellow sufferers, people whose woes we have increased. If we are now about to ask forgiveness for ourselves, why shouldn't we start out by forgiving them, one and all?"

We do not HAVE to forgive in order to steps 8 or 9. Forgiveness may help us become willing to make amends, however. It can be a tool. Forgiveness is not a prerequisite for making amends. It is an ideal, a goal we can pray to one day reach. It comes as a result of our attempts to live a spiritual life, of implementing the 12 steps.

I have heard some who say that the pain and anger they felt toward someone who had hurt them caused them to totally reject the thought of making amends for the harm they, themselves, had caused while not well.

For some of us the reluctance to forgive was the result of a misunderstanding. We thought we had to like someone in order to forgive them; this is not necessarily so. We had forgotten the very specific mental process that the pioneers had used to let go of their resentments.

BB p. 66/67

"We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one."

We do not HAVE to forgive in order to make amends. However, forgiveness may help us become willing to make amends and equally important, it may help us to forgive ourselves for allowing ourselves to be hurt.

My sponsor was Jewish and she still worked with me to help me understand the program and what the pioneers went through so I could have that kind of recovery. It meant that we studied a book about Jesus that the pioneers all read and studied, Sermon on the Mount by Emmet Fox.

In Doctor Bob and the Good Oldtimers on page 51 it says that "As soon as men in the hospital could begin to focus their eyes they got a copy of Sermon on the Mount." The second part of the book is a dissertation on the Lord's Prayer. The chapter, Forgive us our Trespasses, has some helpful information on the subject of resentment and forgiveness.

I am not endorsing this book. While it does talk of Jesus, the concepts of forgiveness are universal. The pioneers of the program read this book as part of their recovery. I do not want to insult anyone or cause any conflict! It may be appropriate for some of you to replace each mention of Jesus with "God" or "Spirit" or another term, to make it easier for you to relate. This is not a religious program. One of the reasons they stopped promoting the use of The Sermon on the Mount, was because of its references to a specific understanding of the Deity. The Big Book speak of God as you understand Him. The name we give our HP does not matter.

p. 186 in Sermon on the Mount

"You must forgive everyone who has ever hurt you if you want to be forgiven yourself", that is the long and the short of it. You have to get rid of all resentment and condemnation of others, and, not least, of self condemnation and remorse. You have to forgive others, and having discontinued your own mistakes, you have to accept the forgiveness of God for them too, or you cannot make any progress. You have to forgive yourself, but you cannot forgive yourself sincerely until you have forgiven others first. Having forgiven others, you must be prepared to forgive yourself too, for to refuse to forgive oneself is only spiritual pride. "And by that sin fell the angels." We cannot make this point too clear to ourselves; we have got to forgive. There are few people in the world who have not at some time or other been hurt, really hurt, by someone else; or been disappointed, or injured, or deceived, or misled. Such things sink into the memory where they usually cause inflamed and festering wounds, and there is only one remedy -- they have to be plucked out and thrown away. And the one and only way to do that is by forgiveness.

Of course, nothing in all the world is easier than to forgive people who have not hurt us very much. Nothing is easier than to rise above the thought of a trifling loss. Anybody will be willing to do this, but what the Law of Being requires of us is that we forgive not only these trifles, but the very things that are so hard to forgive that at first it seems impossible to do it at all. The despairing heart cries, "It is too much to ask. That thing meant too much to me. It is impossible. I cannot forgive it." But the Lord's Prayer makes our own forgiveness from God, which means our escape from guilt and limitation, dependent upon just this very thing. There is no escape from this, and so forgiveness there must be, no matter how deeply we may have been injured, or how terribly we have suffered. It must be done.

If your prayers are not being answered, search your consciousness and see if there is not someone whom you have yet to forgive. Find out if there is not some old thing about which you are very resentful. Search and see if you are not really holding a grudge (it may be camouflaged in some self-righteous way) against some individual, or body of people, a nation a race, a social class, some religious movement of which you disapprove perhaps, a political party, or what not. If you are doing so then you have an act of forgiveness to perform, and when this is done you will probably make your demonstration. If you cannot forgive at present, you will have to wait for your demonstration until you can, and you will have to postpone finishing ;your recital of the Lord's Prayer too, or involve yourself in the position that you do not desire the forgiveness of God.

Setting others free means setting yourself free, because resentment is really a form of attachment. It is a Cosmic Truth that it takes two to make a prisoner; the prisoner and the gaoler. There is no such thing as being a prisoner on one's own account. Every prisoner must have a gaoler, and the gaoler is as much a prisoner as his charge. When you hold resentment against anyone, you are bound to that person by a cosmic link, a real, though mental chain. You are tied by a cosmic tie to the thing that you hate. The one person perhaps in the whole world whom you most dislike is the very one to whom you are attaching yourself by a hook that is stronger than steel. Is this what you wish? Is this the condition in which you desire to go on living? Remember, you belong to the thing with which you are linked in thought, and at some time or other, if that tie endures, the object of your resentment will be drawn again into your life, perhaps to work further havoc. Do you think you can afford this? Of course, no one can afford such a thing; and so the way is clear. You must cut all such ties, by a clear and spiritual act of forgiveness. You must loose him and let him go. By forgiveness you set yourself free; you save you soul. And because the law of love works alike for one and all, you help to save his soul too, making it just so much easier for him to become what he ought to be.

But how in the name of all this is wise and good, is the magic act of forgiveness to be accomplished, when we have been so deeply injured that, though we have long wished with all our hearts that we could forgive, we have nevertheless found it impossible; when we have tried and tried to forgive, but have found the task beyond us.

The technique of forgiveness is simple enough, and not very difficult to manage when you understand how. The only this that is essential is willingness to forgive. Provided you desire to forgive the offender, the greater part of the work is already done. People have always made such a bogey of forgiveness because they have been under the erroneous impression that to forgive a person means that you have to compel yourself to like him. Happily this is by no means the case – we are not called upon to like anyone whom we do not find ourselves liking spontaneously, and, indeed, it is quite impossible to like people to order. You can no more like to order than you can hold the wind in your fist, and if you endeavor to coerce yourself into doing so, you will finish by disliking or hating the offender more than ever. People used to think that when someone had hurt them very much, it was their duty as good Christians, to pump up, as it were, a feeling of liking for him; and since such a thing is utterly impossible, they suffered a great deal of distress, and ended, necessarily, with failure, and a resulting sense of sinfulness. We are not obliged to like anyone; but we are under a binding obligation to love everyone, love, or charity as the Bible calls it, meaning a vivid sense of impersonal good will. This has nothing directly to do with the feelings, though it is always followed, sooner or later, by a wonderful feeling of peace and happiness.

The method of forgiving is this: Get by yourself and become quiet. Repeat any prayer or treatment that appeals to you, or read a chapter of the Bible. Then quietly say, "I fully and freely forgive X (mentioning the name of the offender)); I loose him and let him go. I completely forgive the whole business in question. As far as I am concerned, it is finished forever. I cast the burden of resentment upon the …[Spirit] within me. He is free now, and I am free too. I wish him well in every phase of his life. That incident is finished. The …Truth has set us both free. I thank God." Then get up and go about your business. On no account repeat this act of forgiveness, because you have done it once and for all, and to do it a second time would be tacitly to repudiate your own work. Afterward, whenever the memory of the offender o the offense happens to come into your mind, bless the delinquent briefly and dismiss the thought. Do this, however many times the thought may come back. After a few days it will return less and less often, until you fort it altogether. Then perhaps after an interval, shorter or longer, the old trouble may come back to memory once more, but you will find that now all bitterness and resentment have disappeared, and you are both free with the perfect freedom of the children of God. Your forgiveness is complete. You will experience a wonderful joy in the realization of the demonstration."

As with all of the literature, I suggest you read the whole book to put all of this into context. It was copyrighted in 1934, still in print, still published by Harper and Row and is available in bookstores.

This process has had a profound impact on me and whenever I use it, it always works. I no longer have some deep resentments toward some in my life. I do not like those people much, but the hot sting of resentment is no longer there.

Please remember that the eighth step does not call for forgiveness. It is simply an aid in the process of becoming willing to make amends. Forgiveness may be an ideal you pray to grow toward. I do and did.

The act of forgiving is not to be confused with the act of making direct amends. We make amends in step 9, not indirect amends of forgiving in step 8.

p. 80 AA 12 and 12

"To define the word "harm" in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people."

The kinds of harm I have done can range across all of these areas and have. Sometimes the emotional harm has been hard to identify, but some of the worst!

AA 12 12 p. 81

"When we take such personality traits as these into shop, office, and the society of our fellows, they can do damage almost as extensive as that we have caused at home. Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human relations, and having decided exactly what personality traits in us injured and disturbed others, we can now commence to ransack memory for the people to whom we have given offense."......"We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of admitting the things we have done, meanwhile forgiving the wrongs done us, real or fancied. We should avoid extreme judgments, both of ourselves and of others involved. We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs."

AA 12 and 12 p 82

"Whenever our pencil falters, we can fortify and cheer ourselves by remembering what A.A. experience in this Step has meant to others. It is the beginning of the end of isolation from our fellows and from God."

BB p.13 Bill Wilson shares how he was taken trough what is now called the 8th step.

"My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability."

He made a list of not only of the people he had hurt, but also of those toward whom he felt resentment.

We begin to make amends to ourselves by doing what we need to do to get well, in other words, by implementing all of the steps and using the tools of OA.

At this point please do not worry about how you will actually make these amends. don't even worry about whether or not you will actually need to make amends to these people. We are simply making a list here. A list of those whom we are willing to make amends.

All the steps involve a mental process, an attitude change demonstrated by a willingness to from saying ‘No never!" to "yes" or "maybe".

In AA Comes of Age p.70 Bill tells us the result of a trip Dr Bob decided to go on a few weeks after they met:

"So he went to the Atlantic City Medical Convention and nothing was heard of him for several days. Then one morning his office nurse called up and said, "He is over here at my place. My husband and I picked him off the railroad station platform at about four AM. Please come over and see what you can do."

We got Bob back home and into bed, and right then we made an alarming discovery, He had to perform a certain operation that only he could do. The deadline was just three days away; he simply had to do the job himself; and here he was shaking like a leaf. Could we get him sober in time? Anne and I took turns around the clock trying to taper the old boy off. Early on the morning of the operation he was almost sober. I had slept in the room with him. Glancing across toward his bed, I saw that he was wide awake but still shaking. I'll never forget the look he gave me as he said, "Bill, I am going to go through with it." I thought he meant the operations. "No" he said, "I mean this thing we've been talking about."

Anne and I drove him to the hospital at nine o'clock. I handed him a bottle of beer to steady his nerves so he could hold the knife, and he went in. We returned to the house and sat down to wait. After what seemed an endless time, he phoned; all had gone well. But after that he didn't come home for hours. Despite the awful strain, he had left the hospital, got into his car, and commenced to visit creditors and other he had harmed by his behavior. That was June 10, 1935. To the time of his death fifteen years later, Dr Bob never took another drink of alcohol.

Next day he said, "Bill don't you think that working on other alcoholics is terribly important? We'd be much safer if we got active, wouldn't we?" I said, "Yes, that would be just the thing."