STEP FOUR

Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.


SUPPORT FILES FOR WORKING STEP FOUR
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Basic Fears | Basic Instincts | Resentment Prompt List | Inventory Comparison | Seven Parts of Self |


PART FIVE



Hi everyone.
My name is Shlomo.
I am a food addict and compulsive overeater.

We continue with step four.

ASSIGNMENTS:
1. Read the Big Book pages 68-69 "Now about sex...What can we do about them?" Mark the sentences that resonate with you. Pay special attention to the word 'arbiter' (judge). Reflect and share with us.

2. Read page 69 "WE reviewed...looked at it." Those are the directions for writing down our sexual conduct inventory. The inventory will consist of answers to the nine questions in this paragraph. Take your notebook again and write a list off all the persons you had and have intimate relations with. Write one name to a page and leave the other side blank, since you may need both sides of the page for each person. Answer the following questions in detail for each person on your list

A). Where have I been selfish in my conduct? We write down your selfish and self centered actions feelings and thoughts with regard to that person.

B). Where have I been dishonest in my conduct? Write down your dishonest deeds, like lying, stealing, borrowing and not returning, hiding parts of the truth, gossiping, posing as another person than what we really are. Etc.

C). Where had I been inconsiderate in my conduct? Write down all your inconsiderate deeds with regard to that person.

D). Had I hurt that person? (Emotionally, physically or financially) Write down in detail all the harm you caused that person.

E). Did I unjustifiably arouse jealousy in that person? Be specific and write in detail.

F). Did I unjustifiably arouse suspicion in that person? Be specific and write in detail.

G). Did I unjustifiably arouse bitterness in that person? Be specific and write in detail.

H). Where was I at fault? We write down what our responsibility was in this relationship, and why we were in it in the first place.

I). What should I have done instead? Meditate on this question and write down what were the right things that you should have done instead of what you did. Pay special attention to the wording of the question. You are not asked what you 'could' have done instead, but what you 'should' have done. Since as a spiritually sick person you couldn't do anything different then.

We look at what we have written. We read it carefully and pay special attention to our answers to the ninth question. Those answers will help us with our next assignment.

3. Read page 69 "In this way...despised and loathed." In this paragraph you are asked to write a sound ideal for your future sex life. We need God's help for this and therefore there is a prayer here. Say the prayer, reflect and write your sex conduct ideal on a new page in your notebook.

Please share your ideal with us.

4. Read pages 69-70 "Whatever our ideal turns out...to yield would mean heartache" Pay special attention to the following: amends-repairing the damage we did; we treat sex as we would any other problem; prayer (asking); meditation (listening to the answer); God the final judge; Not changing conduct leads to relapse; summing up prayer; the remedy of helping others. Mark the sentences that resonate with you. Reflect and share with us.

5. Read pages 70-71 " If we have been thorough...truth about yourself." Pay special attention to the following: begun to comprehend, begun to learn, a good beginning. Mark the sentences that resonate with you. Reflect and share with us.

6. The sentence "we have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct" means we have to do an additional 'harm done to others' inventory that is not connected to our sex conduct. This is also supported by what the Big Book says about step eight. Page 76 "We have a list of all persons we have harmed...We made it when we took inventory"

To find the people to put on our list we first look over our resentment list and pick up the people we have harmed in this list. Remember that resenting someone does not necessarily mean that I have harmed him. In order to harm someone I have to act in a way that causes him physical harm, or financial harm or emotional harm. Then we add people and institutions that we had harmed without resenting them. For example: stealing from the place we work in, or from other places or persons, not returning loans, not paying debts. Etc.

When we have our list we write the general conduct inventory the same way we wrote the sex conduct inventory. One name to a page, and answer the nine questions for each person. After we answer the questions for every person on the list we write a general conduct ideal, and have to be willing to grow toward it.

This concludes our step four. Share with us how you feel after finishing all this. You are invited to ask questions.

Shlomo



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