My name is Shlomo.
I am a food addict and compulsive overeater.
We will continue dealing with our resentments.
1. Read page 67 paragraph three in the Big Book "Referring to our list....these matters straight." Remark: The words faults, wrongs, mistakes, defects, liabilities, failings, are all used as synonyms to describe what blocks us from carrying out our step three decision.
This paragraph is our second turnaround.
Reflect especially on the following:, The inventory was ours, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely, admitting our wrongs honestly, willing to set those matters straight, though the situation had not been entirely our fault, five questions we have to answer in detail.
Remark: there are situations that were entirely NOT our fault .
For example: abuse as a child , rape , mugging.
We don't deal with the situation in those cases. We deal with the resentment that we carry.
The resentment is always our problem and our fault.
Share with us your understanding of this paragraph and its importance to you.
2. Read the story " FREEDOM FROM BONDAGE" Big Book page 544.
Pay special attention to her reasons for continuing to carry the resentment and how it blocked her from recovery.
Does this remind you of your resentments? Share with us.
3. Now is the time to use the blank side of the page in our notebook.
Copy to it the three names one under the other from the first column of the resentment table (Remember we wrote three names to a page). Leave space for writing between the names.
For each name answer the five following questions in detail and in writing.
A) Where have I been selfish? -We write down our selfish and self centered actions feelings and thoughts with regard to that person institution or principle.
B) Where have I been dishonest?- We write down our dishonest deeds like lying, stealing, borrowing and not returning, hiding parts of the truth, gossiping, posing as another person than what we really are, etc.
C) Where had we been self-seeking? We write down our excessive caring about our personality and affairs which also means how we try to promote ourselves at the others expense.
D) Where have we been frightened? We write down what I was and am afraid of with regard to that person institution or principle.
E) Where was I to blame? We write down what our responsibility was in this relationship and why we were in it in the first place.
We also write the reasons we still carry the resentment.
Answering those questions for all the names in our tables gives us a detailed picture of our character defects that block us from contact with H.P.
This concludes our resentment inventory.
You are invited to ask questions.
In the next shares we will deal with our fear and harm inventories.
I was doing my resentment list, you were saying don't write down people that have abused us don't write them down. I know I have a resentment against her for emotional abuse growing up. So I'm kind of unsure how to go about that. If you could give me some info.
No! I definitely didn't say that. You write down all the people that you resent, without exception. After you fill the three column table you have to answer five questions for each person. One of the questions was: E) Where was I to blame? We write down what our responsibility was in this relationship and why we were in it in the first place. We also write the reasons we still carry the resentment.
I said that there may be cases where you have no responsibility and have no blame for the act, as in cases of abuse, rape, mugging etc... But the resentment is your problem. You are always responsible for the resentment and you should write why you are still carrying it.
I'm working on the fourth column of my 4th Step right now. In trying to answer the five questions you laid out I'm finding that I don't think there is an honest answer for all five. Is that okay? Does there have to be selfishness, fear, blame, dishonest, self-seeking in every resentment? Do I need to invent something or think so deeply and intricately that I finally dig something up?
Those questions cover different aspects. If one or more of those aspects is not relevant to a particular resentment you just write that this question is not relevant to that case.
The Twelve Steps
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