STEP FOUR
Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves.
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Essay
Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous http://www.oa.org/twelve_steps.html I will not be translating to COE (etc). Please do so as you like. Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. I suggest that you make an appointment to do your 5th step right away. In preparation for next week’s step 5 please read step five in the AA Big Book, OA 12 and 12, AA 12 and 12. I want to take a moment to recap what we have done so far. We learned some history of the 12 step program and saw that the solution was designed to be spiritual in nature. We learned that the pioneers of the 12 step program wrote what they had already done to produce recovery. It was not a theoretical exercise in what they thought they might do, but was their actual experience of what worked. The solution is time tested and proven. In step one we learned that we were absolutely without power and we admitted that our lives had become unmanageable. In step two we realized that since we were powerless it was going to take a power greater than ourselves to solve our problem. And we started that process of coming to believe this would/could happen for us. In step three we decided to try to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a power greater than ourselves. We learned that a decision without action is valueless and so decided to continue on and validate our decision by taking action and implementing the remaining steps. To keep this step in perspective as a MORAL inventory it will help us to remember that AA had its roots in the Oxford Groups. The Oxford Group was a spiritual movement intent on bringing about healing through spiritual means and a return to 1st century Christianity principles. As we go through this step please note the emphasis is on finding the character defects that caused us to behave as we did, rather than simply just listing the incidents themselves that were caused by our defects of character. As a new comer I thought the purpose of the 4th step inventory was to go back through my life and list every instance where I had behaved badly and done something I felt was wrong. I did not realize that the true purpose of the inventory was to search for the character defects that had caused me to behave that way. This confusion was caused by my tendency to assign my own definitions to the ideas and terms expressed in the program. So, before we begin the actual inventory taking, let’s take a few moments and define what the pioneers meant the purpose of the inventory to actually be for us. We will look at the Big Book to do so. p.59 “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” p.72 gives us a paraphrase of step 5 that tells us what they meant by “wrongs”. “We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak items in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects.” It is telling us that in step 4 we admitted certain defects. It says we did this in a rough way. It says, the exact nature of our defects. The pioneers defined our “wrongs’ as our “defects”. Then in the AA 12 and 12: p. 55 “AA experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them.” p.56 “This practice of admitting one’s defects to another person is, of course, very ancient.”…….”Most of us would declare that without a fearless admission of our defects to another human being we could not stay sober.” p.58 “Another great dividend we may expect from confiding our defects to another human being is humility – a word often misunderstood.” I talked about it earlier in step one when I said that I had believed that I had to already be abstinent and in recovery to take step one, to begin working the steps. I equated that to saying that I needed to be well in order to go to the doctor! But that is true and my experience. Another misconception I had was that I needed to do a PERFECT 4th step. In the BB p 71. “If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.” My sponsor mentioned to me that if the inventory was of my “grosser handicaps” and if it is only a “beginning” I obviously did not have to do it perfectly. She told me that God was in charge of what was written. That all helped me to ease up and relieve my fear. She said that exactly what was supposed to come to mind, would and that I could trust that. If you have used the BB and other literature to do inventory before, I suggest that you consider this part of your 10th step. It tells us in step 10 on the AA 12 and 12 on p.89 that “Many A.A.’s go in for annual or semiannual housecleanings.” Okay…step 4. My sponsor helped me understand that I did not have to be perfect and that was most important was that I get into action and do the best I could for that particular day. I got an email from my OA sponsor this morning supporting me as I write this for you all today. I am not alone, nor strange or different….neither are you. Thank God for sponsors and friends in the program who have gone before us and can let us know that we do indeed have some positive assets! This helps. My sponsor told me that I had character defects as a human being and the ones on my inventory were there because I had been spiritually sick rather than a bad person. Remember that back in the 1930’s it was a common belief that alcoholism was a moral issue. That could be said today for coe. Hey, you can stop overeating if you just buckle down…we have good lives…we should be able to accomplish and not let ourselves go…But the program shows us that we behaved in self destructive ways because we were not well. One of the symptoms of food addiction is being unable to stop compulsive eating no matter how much we might want to. We don’t choose this illness anymore than a diabetic. We do not have control over the aspects of our illness. Someone who has a cold generally cannot stifle a sneeze, and so if they sneeze at the symphony, they do not feel unduly guilty about it. They know the sneeze is a symptom of the illness. We have no more control over the symptoms of our illness than someone has over a sneeze when they have a cold! A COE cannot stop because they are a COE! I hope you had a chance to do the reading assignments. This is powerful stuff. It tells us that it is not conditions that drive us to COE, but rather the illness itself. This was hard for me to take, who was an expert at blaming others. At the first page of step 4 in the AA 12 and 12 it says, “Creation gave us instincts for a purpose. Without them we wouldn't be complete human beings. If men and women didn't exert themselves to be secure in their persons, made no effort to harvest food or construct shelter, there would be no survival. If they didn't reproduce, the earth wouldn't be populated. If there were no social instinct, if men cared nothing for the society of one another, there would be no society. So these desires--for the sex relation, for material and emotional security, and for companionship--are perfectly necessary and right, and surely God-given. Yet these instincts, so necessary for our existence, often far exceed their proper functions. Powerfully, blindly, many times subtly, they drive us, dominate us, and insist upon ruling our lives. Our desires for sex, for material and emotional security, and for an important place in society often tyrannize us. When thus out of joint, man's natural desires cause him great trouble, practically all the trouble there is. No human being, however good, is exempt from these troubles. Nearly every serious emotional problem can be seen as a case of misdirected instinct. When that happens, our great natural assets, the instincts, have turned into physical and mental liabilities. Step Four is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been, and are. We want to find exactly how, when, and where our natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves. By discovering what our emotional deformities are, we can move toward their correction. Without a willing and persistent effort to do this, there can be little sobriety or contentment for us. Without a searching and fearless moral inventory, most of us have found that the faith which really works in daily living is still out of reach.” AA 12 and 12 p.48 “Now let's ponder the need for a list of the more glaring personality defects all of us have in varying degrees.” Please notice they are not asking us to look for and list every defect or every instance of the defect, but rather the more glaring ones. p.50 “By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the following conclusions: that his character defects, representing instincts gone astray, have been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock. Now willing to commence the search for his own defects, he will ask, "Just how do I go about this? how do I take inventory of myself?" The 4th word in the above quote is “newcomer”. They intended the newcomer to do the inventory. They knew they could do this because step 10 was there for the newcomer after they made their admission and decision and then went on to do their house cleaning in steps 4-9. p.50 “Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice..” We do this by implementing step 10 on a daily basis. Big Book p.84 says,” This thought brings us to Step Ten, which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.” Step 10 makes up for any deficiencies as we take steps 4-9. The 10th step says that we continue to take personal inventory…now and into the future. You add things to your 10th step inventory as you continue to remember and to grow. In the story “He Sold Himself Short” the author was taken through the steps on a Wed afternoon! They knew that they did not have to do it perfectly, but that they did need to put the remaining steps into action on a daily basis to the best of their ability. Big Book p.60 “Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can´t go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.” My sponsor told me that if the pioneers could be permanently recovered and work the steps imperfectly that I could too. I needed to hear that and I share it now with you. BB p.64 “Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations. Resentment is the 'number one' offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were 'burned up.' On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?” The format in the Big Book is tried and true. I have attached some helpful tools from the Joe and Charlie Big Book Study that you may choose to use. My sponsor gave me 10 minutes to write a list of people/institutions/principles that I was resentful at. She told me that as long as I was not rationalizing for perfection I could continue to add to the list as time permitted up until I did my 5th step. She also told me that I could consider myself resentful at people/institution/principles that I had criticisizes, complained about or condemned. This helped. Then she gave me another 10 minutes to write in the next column regarding the cause of the resentment. You will notice that in the BB it gives the examples as “I’m resentful at Mr. Brown, the cause; his attention to my wife. Etc…Every example of the attention is not listed. Remember on p.71 in the BB it says, “If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.” You do not need to write each instance of when something happened. That is the difference between a history and an inventory. The chart in the BB is looking for a list of our grosser handicaps. Then I had 10 minutes to write in column three (Affects My) BB p64/65 ‘We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison. We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong- doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.” These next two paragraphs are some of the most used for me. BB p. 66/67 “This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn´t treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.” This is what the pioneers did and then suggest that we do. My sponsor told me a story that helped me with this concept. Imagine someone who is dieing of cancer, picking up a pitcher of water and throwing it at someone. The person who had the pitcher thrown at him might recognize that it was done by someone who was not well. Therefore, he might treat the cancer victim with pity, patience, and tolerance. He might recognize that throwing the pitcher was an act of illness. It was not a deliberate choice made by a well person. Even if it was a deliberate act, it was obviously done by someone who was not well. A well person would not choose to hurt someone. My sponsor told me I could use this to be kind to myself as well since it says that “they, like ourselves”. BB p67. “Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man´s. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.” AA 12 and 12 p.90 “It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us. If somebody hurts us and we are sore, we are in the wrong also.” AA 12 and 12 p.92 “It will become more and more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or to get hurt by people who, like us, are suffering from the pains of growing up.” My sponsor then gave me 10 minutes to write in the my part column….telling me that I could always add to it as long as I was not rationalizing for perfection. We then talked about fear and how the fabric of our existence is shot through with it. She gave me some examples of fear that helped: Fear of; failure, rejection, getting hurt, being found out, getting caught, being deceived, humiliation, change, financial insecurity, being alone, conflict….etc. I wrote my fears. The whole emphasis of the inventory is on finding where my natural instincts have gone to extremes and become perverted by my obsession. BB p. 67/68 Notice that the word 'fear' is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn´t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn´t it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn´t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn´t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. For we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity. We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. “ As long as I am not depending on myself to solve my problems I do not become afraid. It is when I am self reliant that I become afraid. I have a lifetime of dieting and trying to control my weight and failing that shows me that I cannot rely on myself! I have heard it said that COE is a disease of isolation and how true that was for me. That isolation was fueled by fear of rejection, being found out a fraud, as I felt not good enough inside. That really was pride in reverse…ego in reverse to feel that much worse than everyone else. It made me want to blame everyone else and justify my painful feelings and use it as an excuse/set up to coe! The questions in the OA 12 and 12 are quite thorough and extensive and help get a good idea of the symptoms of COE and examples of our character defects. I have found over and over that my emotional insecurity constantly threw me into untenable situations that I brought on myself! How harsh that was to take and see, but it let me begin to see a way out. BB p68/69 “Now about sex. Many of needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It´s so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes-absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn´t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone´s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We´d hardly be human if we didn´t. What can we do about them? “ AA 12 and 12 p.50 “Since Step Four is but the beginning of a lifetime practice, it can be suggested that he first have a look at those personal flaws which are acutely troublesome and fairly obvious. Using his best judgment of what has been right and what has been wrong, he might make a rough survey of his conduct with respect to his primary instincts for sex, security, and society. Looking back over his life, he can readily get under way by consideration of questions such as these: When, and how, and in just what instances did my selfish pursuit of the sex relation damage other people and me? What people were hurt, and how badly? Did I spoil my marriage and injure my children? Did I jeopardize my standing in the community? Just how did I react to these situations at the time? Did I burn with a guilt that nothing could extinguish? Or did I insist that I was the pursued and not the pursuer, and thus absolve myself? How have I reacted to frustration in sexual matters? When denied, did I become vengeful or depressed? Did I take it out on other people? If there was rejection or coldness at home, did I use this as a reason for promiscuity?” The OA 12 and 12 asks some fantastic questions…p.40 “Have we pursued sex in ways that damaged our self esteem? Have we been promiscuous? Have we spent hours fantasizing about sex when we might have been building better relationships? Have we been interested only on our own pleasure, never seeking to please our sexual partner as well? Have we ever sought to satisfy our sexual impulses at the expense of others? Have we slept with another person’s spouse or lover? Have we cheated on our own spouse of lover? Have we ever forced or manipulated anyone to have sexual contact with us? Have we ever sexually molested anyone? Have we ever had sex with a child or with anyone who was not fully capable of resisting? Have we ever abused a position of trust to get sex from someone who sought our help?...it goes on with more on page 41. These are the kinds of questions that can readily expose our character defects. My sponsor told me that if I had an affair with someone I was to look and see if that person’s children may have been affected, or my children rather than just the spouses…or perhaps people at work etc. I was to take that example and look for all people who might have been harmed. P. 68/69 BB “Now about sex. Many of needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It´s so easy to get way off the track. Here we find human opinions running to extremes-absurd extremes, perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn´t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone´s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We´d hardly be human if we didn´t. What can we do about them? We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it. In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test-was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. in meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.” Some more of my most oft quoted literature comes from the last pages of step 4 in the AA 12 and 12 because it rings so true for me! “Questions like these, more of which will come to mind easily in each individual case, will help turn up the root causes. But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them far too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers. When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts at control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant. We have not once sought to be one in a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. This self-centered behavior blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension. Some will object to many of the questions posed, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface record hasn't looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is so simply because we have buried these self same defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they have finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery. Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking inventory. In this connection, it is wise to write out our questions and answers. It will be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal. It will be the first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward.’ BB p. 70 “If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.” My sponsor told me that it was very important for me to remember that Dr Bob, the co-founder of AA, did not quite drinking until he did his 9th step and began to work with others intensively. The founding day of AA is not when Dr Bob came into program or when the two co-founders met. Dr Bob did not stay sober. They celebrate the AA birthday as June 10, 1935 because that is the day that Dr Bob took action on the 9th step and his last drink. AA Comes of Age p.71 says “Next day he said, “Bill, don’t you think that working on other alcoholics is terribly important? We’d be much safer if we got active wouldn’t we?” I said, “yes, that would be just the thing.”’ Doing an inventory without following it up with the rest of the steps is not going to give us the result we are looking for. We need all the ingredients of the recipe. Dr Bob recovered when he put all the ingredients of recovery into action. You might notice that the emphasis in this step is all about how our defects of character have harmed others. We look at ourselves so we can get out of ourselves! QUESTIONS: Is it helpful to you to think of this step as a “beginning” that does not have to be done perfectly? How so? If this inventory helps us define our character defects in a rough way and is a list of grosser handicaps, then how is it that we have been thorough and written down a lot? Can you see yourself in the 4th step where it talks about how we have been especially stubborn and stupid about our relationships with others and that we fail to recognize our inability to form a true partnership with another? If you do not want to share here, please do so with your sponsor if you can. Can you see how this is housecleaning and that we do it so we can go on and learn new ways of relating and so that the grace of HP can enter and remove our obsession? Can you now identify the causes, rather than the conditions that are at the root of your coe? Are you ready to move on with your housecleaning and go to step 5? Love, Lanaya |
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