STEP ONE
We admitted we were powerless over food,
that our lives had become unmanageable.
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INTRODUCTION Step One We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable. “Who cares to admit complete defeat. Practically no one, of course. Every natural instinct cries out against the idea of personal powerlessness.” p.21 AA 12 and 12. From the OA website http://www.oa.org/twelve_steps.html: “The Twelve Steps are the heart of the OA recovery program. They offer a new way of life that enables the compulsive overeater to live without the need for excess food. The ideas expressed in the Twelve Steps, which originated in Alcoholics Anonymous, reflect practical experience and application of spiritual insights recorded by thinkers throughout the ages. Their greatest importance lies in the fact that they work! They enable compulsive overeaters and millions of other Twelve-Steppers to lead happy, productive lives. They represent the foundation upon which OA is built.
Permission to use the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous for adaptation granted by AA World Services, Inc. “ One of my sponsors told me, “If all else fails read the instructions”. I had never thought of the book Alcoholics Anonymous as a text or the other program literature as being anything other than interesting. But she told me that if I were to go back and learn the history of the beginnings of the 12 step program I would begin to see things in a different light; that the text was originally written as an explicit instruction manual. She presented me with the information and I made my own conclusions. She told me that the pioneers wrote the Big Book after they had already recovered. They wrote what they did that produced spectacular recoveries for them. It was not a theoretical exercise in what they hoped would one day produce recovery. She told me they left out what didn’t work. I loved that! I had always read the “Big Book” and underlined all the places I could relate with. They were inevitably negative! I skipped over all the solution parts and especially the instruction parts. The Big Book actually asks us to read through the first 164 pages and then decide for ourselves if we want to go on. If you have not read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, or if you want to read it with an eye for looking for the solution, I suggest the following: This is suggested as it is suggested that you stop at a red stop light. It will be difficult to participate in this step study without this foundation. 1. Get a red pen and a yellow highlighter. Read the first 164 pages of the big book. Underline in red the following words and then highlight the sentences around them to put the words in context. This will help you later. Recover, recovered, recovering, remove, removed, relieved, relieve, relief, sane, sanity, solved, solve, solution, restore, restored….taken away…disappeared….etc. Most of us relate to the negatives in the big book and this exercise really helps us relate to the positives and identify exactly what the solution is. My sponsor who taught me the BB told me that if all else fails follow the instructions! J She said the instructions were in the BB. That it was written after they had already recovered and they left out what didn’t work. I loved that! 2. Get an edition that has the story, He Sold Himself Short in it and read that. Or you can Google “He Sold Himself Short” and you will find it to read online. 3. Then read Step One in the AA 12 and 12. 4. Then read Step One in the OA 12 and 12. HISTORY: In 1908 a Lutheran minister named Frank Buchman founded the First Century Christian Fellowship. This was an attempt to recapture the spirit of first century Christianity in his own time. In 1921 he started the Oxford Group movement, based on the same principles. This group sought, through a specific process, to bring about a spiritual healing through a surrender to God. This process involved a rigorous self examination of their lives, the act of confessing their defects to another human being, an attempt to set right the harm each had done and the giving of themselves to others without any thought of reward or compensation. They were involved in many aspects of society; labor, politics, and medicine to name a few. They found a few alcoholics…and occasionally were successful with them. Ebby Thatcher was one and he brought this message to Bill Wilson. Bill went to an Oxford Group meeting…drunk. He offered himself to God and underwent a conversion. He didn’t drink on the way home! He did not continue with the rest of the program and did drink again. He checked into Towns hospital a few days later and while there underwent the rest of the process that had been suggested to him by Ebby. He had a dramatic spiritual experience and awakening. Part of the suggested process of getting and staying sober was to give of one’s self without any thought of reward. He thought that meant that he should carry the message that had sobered him. The Oxford groups were not very supportive of him working solely with other alcoholics. They thought their program had a wider application and that alcoholics, as a lot, were hopeless. He worked for 5 months and did not succeed in sobering up one alcoholic. A business trip took him to Akron OH. The venture fell through and feeling very depressed and alone he paced back and forth between the bar and a directory of churches in his hotel lobby. He then remembered that his wife Lois had pointed out that although he had not sobered up one other alcoholic in the last 5 months, his intensive work with other alcoholics had kept him sober. So he turned to the directory of churches, picked a minister at random. He reached the minister and Bill identified himself as a member of the Oxford Groups who needed another alcoholic to talk to in order to stay sober himself. This minister, the reverend Walter F Tunks, just happened to be the most involved in the Oxford Groups of all the ministers in Akron! Reverend Tunks gave Bill a list of 10 names to call. He had to keep trying and he eventually got in touch with Dr Bob, who also was a member of the Oxford Groups, but who had been going for 2.5 years and could not stop drinking. They met and history was made. Dr Bob tried and was sober for a while but did not make amends. He got drunk. He decided to make amends and from that day forward never had another drink. That is the birth day of AA, June 10, 1935. This is a fascinating story and beyond my ability here to write about…but it is in AA Comes of Age. In 1937 the small band of recovered alcoholics, a few in New York where Bill lived and a few more in Akron where Dr Bob lived, began to detail in a book what they had already done that had produced their sobriety. This text is an explicit instruction manual detailing what they did, how they did it and what the results will be for those who follow their directions. Bill would produce a draft of a chapter and submit it to the group in New York for their suggestions and comments. He would then rewrite it to include those suggestions. This revised copy was then sent to the group in Ohio for their suggestions and comments. He would again rewrite it and resubmit it the New York group then rewrite it and again submit it to the Ohio group and so on continuing this process until the group conscience endorsed the finished manuscript. This was published in 1939 and membership mushroomed. In 1952 Bill used a similar process to write the 12 and 12. The original manuscript of the Big Book was titled the Multilith. It had many references to You and Must and Directions. The manuscript was submitted to psychiatrists and medical professionals to review. One mentioned that those terms might set a bar to the alcoholic personality. Those words were replaced by the third person and became…we did, we ought, and almost all reference to directions were replaced with suggestions. The Multilith is another fascinating read and leaves one with a different flavor and a real understanding of what the first 100 did to get sober. It reads much more like an instruction manual. One of the books that the Oxford Groups used was Sermon on the Mount by Emett Fox. They also read, The Greatest Thing in the World, by Henry Drummond, The Art of Selfishness, by David Seabury, The Book of James in the bible, The Daily Word, and The Variety of Religious Experiences, by William James. Newcomers were often sent to the hospital and before their feet hit the ground they were given a copy of Sermon on the Mount. This book is not conference approved and while still widely studied and used, it does talk of a specific deity, and that is one reason it is not conference approved. This history stuff is all available in the AA literature and is detailed in the AA Archives. It helped me to really put the program into context and brought the program to life for me and made it so much easier to apply and live and to pull from as I continue my recovery. I know today that my powerlessness over food is no different than my powerlessness over the weather since powerless means absolutely without power, influence, or manageability. In today’s dictionary the definition is as follows, 1 : devoid of strength or resources <powerless victims> 2 : lacking the authority or capacity to act <was powerless to help> In the 1913 dictionary, remember that Bill and Dr Bob were born in the 1895 and 1875 respectively and their language was well developed before 1939 when this book was written, the definition is: Pow"er*less, a. Destitute of power, force, or energy; weak; impotent; not able to produce any effect. We have an illness. The 4 proponents that classify our condition as an illness are: Primary, Chronic, Progressive, and Fatal. The Doctor’s Opinion and Bill’s Story, More About Alcoholism, and We Agnostics, seem to cover these points rather thoroughly. QUESTIONS: 1. Do you feel guilty when you exhibit powerlessness over food? 2. Do you feel guilty when it rains on a day when you want it to be sunny? 3. When it is sunny and you wanted it to be sunny do you take credit? It is easy to recognize that no amount of desire, self-discipline, will power, self knowledge, self searching or anything else we can acquire will influence the weather. (global warming notwithstanding) What we needed to recognize was that if we are without influence, we are without blame. We obviously cannot be responsible for the weather. No one takes responsibility for the weather. If we are not responsible, we also have to be without guilt. We do not feel guilty for being unable to do the impossible. If we want the sun to shine and it rains we don’t take responsibility for it. We don’t say, “If only I had made that phone call”, or “If only I had picked up that book, I could have caused the sun to shine”. Since we don’t take responsibility for the weather we don’t assume any guilt when it doesn’t turn out the way we want. We don’t feel we failed. We can recognize we are powerless over the weather and not feel guilty. Absolute, complete, total powerlessness over food is no different than powerless over the weather. Powerless means without power, period. P21 in the AA 12 and 12 says that “The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole society has sprung and flowered”. We can’t have a degree of powerlessness. Some of us will hesitate at this concept. I did. We believed that we could take action…but we forgot that we could not control the results. P58 and 59 AA Big Book, “Complete abandon”; Half measures availed us nothing”; “Thoroughly follow our path”; “Completely give oneself to this simple program”. The wording in the 1939 Multilith copy of the Big Book is slightly different. “To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW THEY CAN RECOVER is the main purpose of this book.” P.26 of the Multilith says, ‘Here are the steps we took , which are suggested as your Program of Recovery.” They are not saying, here are the steps we took after we stopped eating compulsively..or drinking. They are saying here are the steps we toolk that we suggest you take for you to recover. This is an attitude change. AABB p. xiii “We of Alcoholics Anonymous are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary.” 4. Why are you in this program? p.21 AA 12 and 12, “We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps toward liberation and strength.” And again on p.21, “Until he so humbles himself his sobriety – if any – will be precarious.” Here is a story….I was asked to keep it in mind when reading the Big Book since it was written in 1939 and is oft quoted in bits and pieces… A father and son are out for a drive and their car stalls on the railroad tracks….a train comes and is unable to stop. The father is killed and the son is taken via ambulance to the nearest hospital clinging to life. The doctors and surgeon rush to meet the ambulance. The surgeon exclaims, “I cannot operate on him. He is my son”. This story shows how we assign our own definitions to terms that the author may have otherwise intended. That is something to watch for when reading the program literature. Another thing is that Bill Wilson did not redefine terms over and over again. So, it behooves us to be careful when reading quotes so that we know what the founder’s original intention was for the meaning of a term. The surgeon was the boy’s mother. 5. Can you now admit you are completely powerless over food? 6. Can you use your life’s example as the proof? 7. If you cannot admit it now, can you at least stop crying out NO NEVER. Can you imagine, even if it is 5 or 10 years from now, making that admission because that admission is going to save your life? For next week, please read Step two in the AA 12 and 12 and in the OA 12 and 12. Remember, the AA 12 and 12 was written to broaden and deepen our understanding of the steps from the Big Book. If you have not read the Big Book you cannot broaden and deepen your understanding. Love, Lanaya |
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