STEP NINE

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.







Essay

Here is another place you can gather experience, strength and hope from your sponsor and others who are in your support group. Another chance to break the isolation our disease wants to keep us in. You might rehearse the amends with your sponsor or other friend. The whole point is to clean up our side of the street not to try to clean up the other persons sidewalk. If they can’t accept your statement or action it is there problem. We can not change anyone but ourselves. Often overtime our amend will bear fruit in the other eventually.

We made a list of all the persons who we needed to make amends to. Like our fifth step we can divide it into three categories: Never, Maybe, Easy. We can start with the easiest and build. It doesn’t have to be done in one week or even ten years but that would help. Sometimes a particular opportunity will come up at the most surprising time. If we cannot make the amends, we need to maintain the willingness until we can.

I have several amends to make that are impossible now. On the other hand my husband now has an MRI diagnosed moderate age related memory loss and in the workup the MRI has shown a mass on a parotid gland. We have to wait until 9/6 before we can see the surgeon. It is a great opportunity to practice patience and trust. Also a chance to cast off my distaste for chronic nursing. (I am a long retired maternity nurse!) SURPRIZE. Woman plans God laughs, but He is with me or I would want another HP. The Steps have actualized my faith and given me a concrete way to respond in love to eternal love and grace. That is my amends to God. To be a receiver rather than a demander or a perfectionist who wants to earn everyone including God’s approval. This made me do nothing but bury myself in food and self so I wouldn’t do wrong. What a mess! What freedom the steps give from our God.

Some of us have debts to our dead relatives. Notes, balloons, prayer there are many ways to act on this amends. Doing something for another person. Being gentle with yourself.



QUESTIONS:

  • Do I need to divide my list into three categories?
  • Do I have any past experiences to share on making amends that will support me with the harder ones?
  • Have I reviewed the available literature on step 9?
  • Who benefits from me making amends? How?





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