STEP NINE
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except when to do so would injure them or others.
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Essay
Please read the following; BB: Chapter 6 "Into action", page 76 (3.edition) "Let’s look at steps eight to nine". Finish page 84 "They will always materialize if we work for them." (yes the same as last week again). OA: Step 9 AA: Step 8 Overeaters Anonymous: one story, free of choice While reading, take 3 colours of your own choice. 1. Colour/ underline everything that you recognize in yourself, 2. Colour/ underline everything that you find important, and 3. Colour/ underline everything that you can die from. Daily exercise for diary: Daily powerlessness list Daily gratitude list Daily surrender list (with motives included) Pray the 9th step prayer of your own choice: God, help me remember that the best way to show my love for you is to love others. God, I want to approach you freely without the burden of unfinished business. Help me! God, to hate the enemy is our way, to love the enemy is yours. May my amends bring peace. God, show me my vain conceit and selfish pride, and help me consider others as more important. Talk to your sponsor everyday! If you think you have "nothing to say", write her/him anyway! Step nine principle is self-discipline! It’s time to get into action and go out and do those amends. Are your ready? You can: 1. Make an appointment and meet face to face - preferred 2. Call on the phone - if not option one is possible 3. Meet on the internet - if not option two is a possible 4. Write a letter, etc 5. Make a ceremony, etc 6. Make a donation, etc 7. Give charity, etc 8. Live an amend - for things that can not be paid or made up for, but most be proven right. You must discuss with your sponsor and of course God, how to do each amend. Sometimes we need to do it in various ways, to get it done. Some people say if you are not ready for the confrontation, you should wait. I disagree, and think it’s better to go for the option you feel ready to do today and get it over with. If you cannot meet face to face, write a letter. Get it done. Courage may leave you, whilst we are over this step, and die tomorrow. We never know what tomorrow brings, for any of us. I am lucky enough to have done this step a few times, and by the grace of God, I do not have to regret a thing in my life, I did what I could, made up for my mistakes and do my best every day to stay humble and clean up all what I keep messing up. It’s part of my disease and being human. So, what to say, very important! We do not say we’re sorry. We talk only about ourselves and explain why we do this, and we don’t discuss or pick up a fight - We simply ask for forgiveness and ask what we can do to make up for it. In reasonable ways we try to do that what they ask. We do not beg for forgiveness, we do not crawl, we do not push, we do not bargain. We just ask. Then our business is finished, mission completed. We are not responsible for the result, we hand it over to God. If they say ok, I will forgive you, it’s fantastic. If they say no, I can never forgive you, it’s still ok. It’s up to them, they do not owe us forgiveness, just cause we asked for it. We did what we could to clean up our mess and that shows integrity and humbleness in action. Don’t go into a "slavery contract" to pay up for mistakes, if the other person expects something you can not give, be honest about it. And let God guide you. I have done a lot of amends, and never has anyone asked for unreasonable things to make up for it. One woman told me she didn’t want to have any contact with me, and that hurt, but must be respected. That will be my living amend to stay out of her life. About living amends, they must be fulfilled if not, it is a waste of time to do the amends. If I told someone that I stole money from her, and asked her to forgive me, I can not keep on stealing.. I must live it, and never steal again. This changed my life. I have many living amends and they are helping me each and every day when I get tempted to fall back into abusive behaviours: like stealing, lying, beating and throwing things. I have to live it and stay away from it! And how to make an amend for yourself? Each person has different ways, try to find you own way, but please do it. You are a very important person in your life! Start with your list today, and keep on working on it, until it’s finished. It may take days it may take years, but keep on working on it! Summary questions (from OA workbook this time, as they are very good):
Step 9 guarantees: This is the best thing you have ever done, whether it’s the first time around or you did it many times! Congratulations! All the best to you, Mariam |
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