Well now! Once we came to believe or had a glimmer that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity, what do we do?
Wait till we can do it perfectly.
Run! Those people must be nuts.
How will I ever live without my food friend? My food torturer?
Maybe it will be magic or a different religion from one I believe in!
Maybe I am not smart/good/worthy/etc. enough.
Maybe I have missed my chance?
I am too old?
I am too young?
Maybe I better read some more of the literature on Step 2.
Maybe I better describe the HP I want to believe in further. Remember this is an ongoing awakening and if we understood out HP fully we would be Him.
Maybe I better define sanity for me. For me it is wholeness, not something lacking but something given and received.
I will die if I do this. Really????
Who is in control in this universe anyway? Maybe it would be a good idea to turn around and ask.
I believe therefore I don't have to listen to all this, just go back to church, synagogue, etc and work on it. Anything to avoid working a program that will set me free from COE.
How do I make a decision? This is, was my problem. I used to be good at saying I will because I want to, but my disease, spirit and emotions and mind, etc pull the other way. Someone at a f2f meeting Thursday that she has to personify her disease. She calls it a liar that sends all these hopeless messages.
The fellowship has taught me that I am powerless over my disease and my faith tell me I am powerless over a lot of other things. So I have to let go of the rope and turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I have to do that when I get up, almost before I wake up. At least that is my intention and my God will take that. Then I have to tune in to Him and not my self. The first action after this is to take an inventory so I really know good and bad what I am turning over! I.E. to jump into step 4 so I know what I am turning over to my God --good and bad, useful and un useful. Or life affirming versus death affirming. What could happen if I try? (It will never be a perfect inventory, so don't even try!) A lot of this stuff I am writing to myself!
Some in OA choose to pray the 3rd step prayer with a sponsor or alone. It is in the BB on page 63. The AA BB is on line if you search for it. Others use this prayer daily or one quite similar.
Something I have learned in the last few months about letting go is that I was letting go of one end of the rope and tying myself up in the other end of the rope and my end was strangling me. So when I turn over anything I give God both ends of the rope and sit back, listen and look for where God is leading and what the activity is he wants me to take. That is my intention. It has really helped me. To show you how there is no coincidences in God's world, my sister gave me for Christmas a cord about 2 feet long with a number of knots in it. She later explained that our mom said when I was very young she would keep my busy with something similar. I liked to untie knots. When God finally got through my head that I needed to turn over both end's of the rope to let go, I took the rope off a picture in my office and realized it was a great symbol of this truth. Give away both ends of the rope!
1. What is stopping me from making this decision?
2. What is the worse that could happen?
3. If I fail in my eyes to keep my decision, what will my God do?
4. What could happen than is worse than being buried in Compulsive overeating?
5. What does will and lives in the step mean to you?
(Here is a quote from a large newcomer to my f2f meeting. She is very overweight and was sure that she was going to be buried alive in her obesity. It got her to meetings and so far a beautiful program. I can't get her statement out of my mind because it brings tears to the back of my eyes and I know in my heart I was spiritually, emotionally and about to be physically buried in my obesity. I think this relates to all of us who have this disease at some level, no matter what our size or sick way we were dealing with it before we came to OA.)