So we all got here somehow. I choose to believe it is because our HP has brought us here. I believe that all the steps start with an understood WE coming from the first step. Therefore we have decided that we are powerless or have seen it coming by hearing or seeing other's stories. We are tired of fighting. We are exhausted. For me the cookie jar won, the buffets won (I still have problem with buffets but am getting a whole lot better.). Grazing kept me fixated on that idol the refrigerator which I regularly worshiped. I wished I was an alcoholic so I could put down the bottle. Many of us have wished that but it is simpler than even that. We put down the food into the hands of someone or greater than ourselves: even if it is the fellowships strength or a light bulb until we can turn and find the every present help of a HP.
Surely I knew a power greater than the ice box, cookie jar, cake dish or buffets. Yep I did. So I had to come to believe that my HP (God), wanted to and could restore me to health in this area and many others that I was hiding in..
Me prove I am worthy of love.
God couldn't worry, didn't care. about my food which I needed to eat to survive emotionally as well as physically.
Controlling the food obsession is the least I can do for God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Protection in High School from RELATIONSHIPS. Even saying to myself over and over if he really loves me they will love me fat.
I am not insane just have a little problem with food and food situations.
We may find our HP differently but for all of us I am sure it is being found by our HP that matters. Then we grow in knowledge of God which comes from our practicing these steps mentally, physically and spiritually one day at a time and IMHO never stops growing. We are not robots and we do not have to copy other members. We can learn from them and choose what works for us which can be a hard lesson. It is easier to conform to a rigid standard than to be led by our God.
So we are compulsive overeaters. Thank goodness. We come to OA to lose weight and keep it off, learn we are not alone and get on with recovery. Before we go on, we need to remember there is balance or at least allow balance in the back or our minds until we get more into program. We are also wives, husbands, mothers, fathers. Citizens, artists, workers, teachers, healers, students and so on. All of these in our hearts we know will be better when we stop hiding in the food or using it as emotional or spiritual fuel. It is only physical fuel. What a concept!
About this sanity thing. After doing our food and dieting history if we don't realize we are insane in at least this area we need to talk to our sponsor and read some more literature of others who have this disease and this recovery. I probably already told you about my tear and ice tea covered BB and 12/12!
When I did step 1,2,3 there were 21 questions; remember we didn't have our own literature. The sponsor gave us one question a day for 21 days and we used the tools of writing and literature, answered the questions and completed 1-3 to the best of our ability at that moment. We called this work in to our sponsor daily and she/he might comment. The questions referred us to specific pages in the BB and the AA 12/12. Now I here World Service voted to make those 21 questions a piece of conference approved literature. OA has had for a while 12/12 of our own and a workbook that goes with the steps. Some choose to use it. Remember the program is "take what you need and leave the rest." There are many lifeline suggestions that you can grab on and hold on when the cookie jar, etc calls --and it will. Here we are working the steps with one person's E/S/H and a few questions. All of these methods will help us see the insane part of our disease and remind us if we need it. Insanity in the matter of food, relationships, and a few(?) other character defects. You bet.
It has been so helpful to read your responses. Keep coming back!
What old ideas do you carry to this moment? Were they insane? How do you define insane?
Have you started to be aware of a HP that is strong enough to fight this battle for you, with you?
Is there a glimmer of hope if this is your first time around?
If you do not have a HP what would you hope would be your relationship?
Does He loves you even when your body doesn't fit your ideal or your program is slipping?
Do you ever have to be alone with this insanity?