Hello, this is January K., your WTS leader, also a compulsive overeater.
As I read your shares, I see that you all have opened your hearts with great honesty and insight into your condition and the need for change. This fires me up to lead you into Step Two, perhaps one of the hardest steps for me because of my own character defect: self-sufficiency in all things.
From a little thing on, I was taught to be self-sufficient, not to rely upon others, since it would leave me owing them a debt, not to mention the infringement upon someone else's time, as well as leading me to dependency upon others.
In reading Step Two there are still three (3) more hidden elements within this step that we must come to grips with. Hidden only when we read through by rote. We need to read and ask HP to help us absorb what we are reading, what we are committing to.
1)*BELIEVE (or be willing to believe), that a
2)Power *GREATER [than ourselves] will
3)*RESTORE us to sanity.
I had learned, somehow, that I was the greatest power, period--that if I could not help myself, then I was hopeless. However, I was willing to change my ideas. My ideas about God had to change too. I had actually placed limits upon the infinite essence and Higher Power of all life! In my youth, HP was not as close to me in my real life as I know Him now.
Somehow, my thinking had managed to confine HP. I had attached manmade, theological strings upon His love and concern for me. HP seemed to listen to good people, and I was never quite good enough, could never measure up. I continued to pray and believe that He could work in my life in spite of myself and my shortcomings if He wanted to. Still, I would have trapped him by my own narrow thinking, unintentionally blocking Him as a source of power (to be used in case of emergency).
How to set him free to help me, daily? Such is the stuff of recovery work!
At one time, I thought my HP lived behind four sheetrocked walls upon a certain day of the week. I am sure that I have given HP many laughs over the years as I struggle to seek him, all the while he was as near to me as my own heartbeat, if I had ever stopped a moment from the busy whirl of life to seek His company, to be still, and quiet, and just listen.
In OA, my God became unlimited. He could not be contained by engineers, interior decorators, nifty groundskeepers, wordy theologians, et cetera.
By working the steps (especially in Step 2) over a period of time I learned to turn HP loose and let Him be HP. I most definitely am not a HP.
Does this mean I rested upon my perceived laurels and small achievements waiting for HP to rescue me? Oh no. I learned in the 12 Step process that there was a lot of work to be done, and I was to practice more "conscious contact" with Him--the contact being entirely up to me just how to get re-work and form the best connection.
I had to become willing to learn to explore the process of "letting go" and letting HP help me do my recovery work. I had to stuff a sock in my mouth and learn to be still and listen and take notes at how others were "letting go."
STEP TWO -- Thought When I face a fear, I am given courage; when I support someone in the fellowship, my capacity to love myself is increased; when I accept pain as part of the growing experience of life, I realize the greater happiness; when I look at my dark side, I am brought into a new light; when I accept my vulnerabilities and surrender to a Higher Power, I am graced with unforeseen strength. I stumbled through the doors of AA [OA] in disgrace, expecting nothing from life, and I have been given hope and dignity. Miraculously, the only way to keep the gifts of the program is to pass them on. A.A. Daily Reflections, p. 62 (An AA-related publication).
Thought to Ponder . . . We surrender to win; we give away to keep; we suffer to get well; **we die to live.
**[speaking of the death of "self-will", which must be relegated to a lower position so that we can live and grasp a life of recovery].
OA - related Acronym. . . G I F T S = Getting It From The Steps/
QUESTIONS / SUGGESTED READING
1)How do you practice actively "letting go?" Read Step 2 again. Discuss your thoughts on the above question as well your thoughts on: 1. Those who won't believe. 2. Those who can't believe. 3. Your level of willingness to believe at this time.
2)READ page 21-29 in the AA Big Book. See the part about "middle-of-the-road solutions" as a compulsive overeater? Discuss what that means for you right now, where you are at in your recovery.
3)Have you determined that there are any middle-of-the-road solutions for compulsive overeaters? I understand you may not be at the same place as the AA writer, if not, please tell us where you are right now and where you have great hope to be.
4)I have shared with you that some of my ideas had to change because they were not working for me.
Share with me (and others) about the need for re-working your levels of openmindedness and willingness in the way that HP connects with you.