A power greater than me? Just give me some more guts and determination and I can do this by myself. I donít need anybody, spirit or otherwise to get me out of this mess. I got me here. Now Iíll get me out!! Oh, yes. I said that many a time during my years in OA. I used all the tools. I went to meetings. I got a sponsor, I journaled. I prayed. I meditated. Wasnít this enough? This was hard work. This took time. This was getting me no where. 2-3 days abstinence was my limit. All those 2-3 abstinent days and I was where I was when I started so many years ago. If they were back to back I would be well on my way to goal weight.
God was for the big stuff: wars, famine and illness. He was not about what I eat. I was taught to be independent, take care of myself, and solve my own problems. Never be a quitter. I was a real hard nose case. I was someone who knew all the answers but could not make them work. I prayed for relief from my weight but kept eating junk food. I meditated about my over-size body but never reached a conclusion. I attended meetings, gave service and read OA literature always with the belief I would get "it" soon. I told me I was smart, strong and independent.
Slowly, because I kept coming back, my mind set was changed. Slowly I became aware of the fact that I was not working the steps. Slowly I came to believe that there was a power greater than myself. Slowly I let my mind open to the words of others who were working the steps. Dragging my feet I came to believe what was being taught in the OA rooms. Today I thank my HP; the God of My Understanding, for standing by me for the time it took me to open up and let the Spirit move within.
In Step 2 we are asked to give up our personal struggle. We are invited to think along new lines. We are encouraged to admit we are unable to do this alone. We are given a wake up call that asks if we want to live a life that is joyous and free. After a lot of time saying I could do this alone, I came to know I could not do it alone. Maybe, just maybe, these OA people knew what they were talking about. Just maybe they had some better answers than mine. Maybe I could learn from them. What a turnaround. Me, listening for the answer instead of being responsible for the questions.
After of years of being afraid to admit defeat, to say I did not know the answers, I was given Hope. There was nothing to fear any longer. Step 2 relieved me from having to know all the answers because there was a Power greater than me. I had a weight reduction in that moment. The weight of carrying all the answers fell from my shoulders. I was able to admit defeat and triumph at the same time. I came to believe a Power Greater than I could restore me to sanity.
"Hope" is the thing with feathers--|
That perches in the soul--
And sings the tune without the words--
And never stops--at all--
STEP TWO ~ QUESTIONS
You answered the questions to Step one so honestly I cried as I read them. I thought you had been my neighbors at some point in my life and shared my story. You are a brave bunch of people to share your lives so completely. Again I ask you to be honest as you think about these questions. The first question is;
1. Have you let your personal beliefs or fears stand in the way of taking Step 2? If so, please share with us your thoughts on the matter.
2. Another question for you to think about; are you afraid to find out if you are not the one in control of your world? If this is so please share with us why.
3. Sometimes we are fearful of the unknown, of letting go, of giving up. If you feel like it share with the group your feelings on letting go.
Again these questions are only guidelines for your responses. Share from your heart.
Share your Experience, Hope and Strength with all of us.
You are all in my prayers daily as we walk down the road to happy destiny together.
Yours in ESH