Hello Fellow Travelers and Happy New Year!
My name is Donna and I am a food addict. New Years' Day is a great day to begin Step One. The day of beginning. The day of resolution. The day of the clean slate... 2003 is brand new to us, and anything can happen.
Step One Says : "we admitted we were powerless over compulsive eating and that our lives had become unmanageable".
It stinks to think I am powerless. I want to be able to get up in the morning and choose sensible foods, and eat sensible portions of same. I want to be able to plan my day around activities instead of wondering whether I should detour past my favorite eatery on my way to work. I want to be able to turn over my food to my sponsor (and my problems to my HP) and then go forward, accoring to my plan, and not look back. But life has taught me that I have a disease. No matter how much I think I have got it subdued, it lies in wait... ready to jump in when I am my weakest and ruin my serenity.
Is my life truly unmanageable??? To answer, I only have to look at the way I have, so many times, handled life's problems with food (or with actions related to food) and know that my life is out of control. But, even though many of the choices that I have made, regarding food (and SO many other things!) were less than wise, it has been important for me to realize that the REASON my life is "unmanageable" is because I was never meant to manage it in the first place. I have learned, over the years, in this Program, that serenity comes in clearest on my spiritual "radio" when I let my Higher Power take control.
The first step on the journey is acceptance. I used to think I could not accept my disease, because, to me acceptance means you think it is OK. I no longer think that is what it means. I now believe that acceptance is an honest look in your personal mirror which sees the real you and says "This is who I am for today. I have these faults. I have these good traits. And I have this disease. This is who I am."
Take a look at yourself on this day of beginning, and begin with the truth. Do not make it a critical truth... just an honest one. Take who you are and embrace it with a moment of clarity and truth... and realize that the unmanageability of your life is there BY DESIGN.... it is intended to bring you to the place where you have arrived, so that you would seek your Higher Power's intervention and control. Stand ready to discover that Higher Power, and stand ready to learn how to "let go and let God. "
Thanks for letting me share... and Happy New Year.
Donna - food addict ************************************************************************
Here are some questions, based on the OA Step Workbook exercises, for those who prefer a more structured approach to working the steps.
Step One Questions
1. If this is your first time working the steps, how do you feel about accepting your powerlessness as a basis for beginning your recovery work? and if it is NOT your first time, what will you do differently, this time around?
2. How have I used food (or food-related behaviors) as an escape from life's problems?
3. What has it been like, living with me, at home?
4. How has my compulsive eating affected my life:
5. Have I believed that my life would become manageable; if only those around me would do as I wanted?