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STEP TEN: Repetition becomes permanence.
My name is Penny, and I am a compulsive eater and 2nd Quarter WTS leader.
We OA's live highly examined lives. Nothing we do, think, say or feel goes
unnoticed by ourselves. We are constantly on guard for surfacing bubbles of
fear, pride, dishonesty, anger, etc. We have to be vigilant because this
disease is cunning, baffling and powerful, and it will kill us if it has the
chance - and its weapons are our instincts gone awry, our defects of
character. The only antidote is working the steps every day.
A slogan: If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you
always got."
Think about it. It's true for the active disease *and* for an active
recovery. And it completely relates to Step 10.
Steps 1 - 9 cleaned up our past and gave us hints of new attitudes and
behaviors to be followed and old ones to be avoided. Step 10 "calls for daily
repetition of these actions, following the new patterns, so that we may
experience recovery every day." (OA 12&12, p. 84) Why daily? " 'Repetition is
the only form of permanence nature can achieve.' If we are to experience
permanent recovery from compulsive eating, we will have to repeat, day after
day, the actions that have already brought us so much healing." (OA 12&12, p.
83) What are these actions? The ones we learned in Steps 4 - 9.
When I did my most recent 4th step, I was surprised to see how many resentments I was holding on to. Yet I was also pleased to see how few were long-standing (i.e., from before my previous 4th step). Most of my issues were relatively new. That's a result of working a daily 10th step.
Step 10 involves continual examination of our lives, attitudes and behaviors
to discover what we are doing that is keeping us blocked from our Higher
Power - and our higher selves. My guiding questions in my Step 10 work is,
"What am I bringing to the table here? What is it inside of me that is being
affected by what's going on around me?" To paraphrase the Big Book, if I'm
disturbed, there is something going on inside of me that is causing that
disturbance, and I need to get to the root of my problem immediately.
Unlike a 4th step, the moral inventory of Step 10 covers the immediate
present. It keep us clean on a regular basis so that we can avoid a buildup
of feelings, attitudes, behaviors and character defect "acting outs" that
might lead to a relapse. Step 10 also helps us "save ourselves days of
resentment and fear by resolving disputes as they arise, instead of allowing
wounds to fester." (OA 12&12, p. 88) This is "far better than nursing our
fears or building a fresh set of resentments to harbor." (OA 12&12, p. 90)
"The purpose of step ten is to identify and remove from our path today's
stumbling blocks, those manifestations of pride, fear, anger, self-pity,
greed and other emotions (Leader note: and instincts run haywire/defects of
character, too) which are bringing pain into our lives and keeping us from
growing today." (OA 12&12, p. 84) In the past we used to pretend that we were
fine - that nothing bothered us and that we had neither experienced pain or
inflicted it on others. And we ate to cover up the misery and the anger,
literally stuffing it down into our souls until it spilled out in excess
weight, unhealthy attitudes and inappropriate behavior. Now that we are in
recovery, we don't have to do that anymore; we have a daily action that lets
us free ourselves from the burdens of our disease.
The process of Step 10 is similar to Steps 4 - 9. We write (and most of us
find writing to be an effective way of working Step 10 as opposed to simply
thinking about things) what happened to us during the day, how we were
affected, what we did/how we reacted, what we did wrong or what attitudes and
instincts got involved ... and then we admit our wrongs to God and ourselves
(sometimes to another person), we ask our Higher Power to remove the
defect(s) and then we make *prompt* amends when necessary. We review "our
recent behavior, keeping our Higher Power in charge of our lives, asking for
guidance, and promptly admitting our errors." (OA 12&12, p. 90)
Similar to Step 4, there are many ways to work Step 10. The Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous has a method; the OA 12&12 talks about "spot-check
inventories, taken whenever we find ourself facing difficulties...." This is
"far better than nursing our fears or building a fresh set of resentments to
harbor." (OA 12&12, p. 85) It also suggests several ways to "do" a more
extensive daily inventory (p. 86)
I use the "spot-check" inventory periodically during the day. I try to keep a
pad of paper with me so that I can write when I'm feeling "off." I'll follow
this with a call - or try to grab some quiet time with my Higher Power so
that I can be guided back onto the right track.
I want to share the way I currently work a daily 10th step. I write my
inventory, using 5 categories.
1. Things that have bothered me today. I write:
- What happened and the major players.
- My feelings.
- The basic instincts that were affected by the event (pride, self-esteem,
personal relations, sexual relations, financial/physical/emotional security,
ambition) and how they were impacted.
[If fear and anger/resentment are involved, I ask my Higher Power to remove
either or both (sometimes asking HP to bless the person involved, especially
if I'm *really* angry/resentful).]
- The defects of character that are involved and how they showed themselves
in my attitude or behavior. I also write the corresponding asset.
I say the 7th step prayer, determine if I hurt anyone and how, and decide
what direct amend is appropriate.
2. I respect myself today because:
- what I did
- the asset I used to do it
3. Today, I helped: (make a list and tell how each person was helped)
4. Today, I enjoyed: (should be things we did in relationship to other
people)
5. Today, I am grateful for: (try to go for as many things as possible)
I periodically choose to share my 10th step with my sponsor; that's a
decision we each make.
I've heard OA's jokingly say that OA wrecked their eating. Well, sometimes I
wish I could get away with grudges and resentments. Sometimes I wish I didn't
always have to be the one to immediately examine my life, attitudes,
behaviors. Every so often I would really like other people to do their own
inventories and make amends to *me.* Fortunately, the self-pity doesn't last
too long ... after all, I have to write about it in my 10th Step!
Thoughts for journaling/sharing:
1. "Repetition is the only form of permanence nature can achieve." This is
"far better than nursing our fears or building a fresh set of resentments to
harbor." (OA 12&12, p. 83) What do you think?
2. Step 10 takes a lot of work, especially when you're tired. How do you see
the benefits of Step 10 working in your life?
3. If you currently work a 10th step, please share your format with the
group.
4. If you don't, work with your sponsor and come up with a format that works
for you - and go for it!
Next time: "Prayer and Meditation 101."
Yours in recovery,
Penny
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