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The numbers in the brackets indicate how many times the character defect
appeared in my inventory.
Looking this table over I can see that some of the defects are not very
abundant which means that the conjugate assets are mostly manifested in my life.
So I can say that I have plenty of defects but I am also usually generous,
trusting, trustworthy, and I usually set realistic goals.
Let us now see what the Big Book has to say about step six.
"We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable.
Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things
which we have admitted are objectionable [our character
defects]? Can He now take them all, everyone? If we still cling
to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing."
BB, page 76.
Let me say a few words about being ready and being willing. I think
there is a difference. Here is an example.
I get up in the morning and want to go to work but I cannot find my
pants. In this case I am willing to go to work but not ready yet,
because I haven't found my pants. Now suppose that after searching for a while I do find my pants and put them on. I am now ready, but I decide to go and take a walk in the park
instead. So now I am not willing to go to work.
Taking the first five steps made me ready for step six. But am I
really willing to have all my character defects removed?
May be not. But I cannot take the steps without willingness.
As the Big Book says "willingness is indispensable." Therefore we are
told to pray for willingness.
In this program we always turn to H.P. for help with any problem.
The way of turning for help is by prayer and meditation. So if we are
not willing to do something that we should do in this program, we pray for
willingness.
"God I pray for willingness to do your will. Please make me willing
to have my character defect of _______ removed by You."
Why aren't we always willing to have God remove some of our defects?
Because we think we have a use for them. Because we still cling to our self-will in some areas of our life.
The A.A. 12 & 12 explains it quite nicely.
"Practically everybody wishes to be rid of their most
glaring and destructive handicaps. No one wants to be so proud
as to be scorned as a braggart, nor so greedy as to be labeled a thief.
No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustful enough to rape,
gluttonous enough to ruin our health. No one wants to be agonized by
the chronic pain of envy or to be paralyzed by sloth. Of course, most human beings don't suffer these defects at these rock-bottom levels.
"We who have escaped these extremes are apt to congratulate ourselves. Yet can we? After all, hasn't it been self-interest, pure and simple, that has enabled most of us to escape? Not much spiritual effort is involved in avoiding excesses which will bring us punishment anyway. But when we face up to the less violent aspects of these very same
defects, THEN where do we stand?
"What we must recognize now is that we exult in some of our defects.
We really love them. Who, for example, doesn't like to feel just a little
superior to the next person, or even quite a lot superior?
Isn't it true that we like to let greed masquerade as ambition?
To think of LIKING lust seems impossible. But how many men and women speak love with their lips, and believe what they say, so that they can
hide lust in a dark corner of their minds? And even while staying
within conventional bounds, many people have to admit that their
imaginary sex excursions are apt to be all dressed up as dreams
of romance.
"Self-righteous anger also can be very enjoyable. In a perverse way
we can actually take satisfaction from the fact that many people annoy us,
for it brings a comfortable feeling of superiority.
Gossip barbed with our anger, a polite form of murder by character
assassination, has its satisfactions for us, too. Here we are not
trying to help those we criticize; we are trying to proclaim our
own righteousness.
"When gluttony is less than ruinous, we have a milder word for that, too;
we call it 'taking our comfort.' We live in a world riddled with envy.
To a greater or less degree, everybody is infected with it.
>From this defect we must surely get a warped yet definite
satisfaction. Else why would we consume such great amounts of time
wishing for what we have not, rather than working for it,
or angrily looking for attributes we shall never have, instead of
adjusting to the fact, and accepting it? And how often we work hard with
no better motive than to be secure and slothful later on -- only we
call that 'retiring.' Consider, too, our talents for procrastination,
which is really sloth in five syllables. Nearly anyone could submit
a good list of such defects as these, and few of us would seriously
think of giving them up, at least until they cause us excessive
misery.
"Some people, of course, may conclude that they are indeed
ready to have all such defects taken from them. But even these people,
if they construct a list of still milder defects, will be obliged to admit
that they prefer to hang on to SOME of them. Therefore, it
seems plain that few of us can quickly or easily become ready to aim
at spiritual and moral perfection; we want to settle for only as
much perfection as will get us by in life, according, of course,
to our various and sundry ideas of what will get us by.
So the difference between 'the boys and the man' [the immature person and those
who have grown spiritually] is the difference between striving
for a self-determined objective and for the perfect objective which is of
God.
"Many will at once ask, 'How CAN we accept the entire implication of
Step Six? Why -- that is PERFECTION!' This sounds like a hard question,
but practically speaking, it isn't. Only Step One, where we made
the 100 percent admission we were powerless over food, can be practiced
with absolute perfection [even that is not certain for food addicts and
compulsive eaters since we may sometimes slip into volume eating or
under-eating of our 'safe' foods]. The remaining eleven Steps state
perfect ideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the
measuring sticks by which we estimate our progress.
Seen in this light, Step Six is still difficult, but not at all
impossible. The only urgent thing is that we make a beginning, and
keep trying." pages 66-68.
I want to add here that some assets, taken to extreme by our self will
run riot, turn into liabilities. Examples: kindness may turn into
people pleasing, determination into pigheadedness, etc.
We may still delude ourselves that we are acting according to our assets
in these matters, and thus be in denial about being willing to have H.P.
remove them. In such cases "removing" the defect means returning me to balance.
Do we have to stay in step six if we are not willing to have some of
our defects removed? I think not. I think it is enough to pray for willingness and
immediately advance to step 7, while continuing to pray till willingness
comes.
So in order to take step six I may ask myself the following:
Am I willing to abandon my selfish, self-centered way of life and adopt fully a life guided by God?
Am I willing to let go of my old ideas, attitudes and actions?
Am I willing to adopt this new outlook on life?
Am I willing to pray for willingness in those areas at which I balk?
If I am willing, I continue to step 7.
INTO ACTION AND SHARING SUBJECTS:
1. If you don't have a written liabilities and assets list based on your
step 4 tables, write it down now. I suggest you follow the outline of
the example in this post.
Which assets are more manifested in your life?
Which character defects are the most prominent?
2. Go over the liabilities in your table and ask yourself if you are
truly willing to have God remove them all, and let the assets take their
place.
3. It is possible that you are not sure about willing some of your
defects to be removed, or even that you are sure you want to hold on
to some defects. In that case write down for each such defect, how it is useful to you
and what are the benefits you think you get from it (example: not
paying my debts - makes me have more money, or gossiping - makes me feel
more worthy than the other person, or lying - white lies - makes life smoother, etc.).
Then write down all the harm that holding on to these character
defects may cause you (example: remaining in the disease,
holding you back from conscious contact with H.P. which is the real
happiness, joy and freedom in life, etc.).
Share this with us, and share how the writing affected your willingness.
4. If after writing all of that you are still not sure about being willing to
have God remove these defects, pray for willingness. Pray many times each
day till you become willing.
5. Ask yourself the following:
Am I willing to abandon my selfish, self-centered way of life and adopt fully a life guided by God?
Am I willing to let go of my old ideas, attitudes and actions?
Am I willing to adopt this new outlook on life?
Am I willing to pray for willingness in those areas at which I balk?
If I am willing, I can continue to step 7.
See you in step 7.
Have a nice day.
Shlomo
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