Step Four

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."



STEP FOUR

STEP FOUR, PART 1
STEP FOUR, PART 2
STEP FOUR, PART 3
STEP FOUR, PART 4
STEP FOUR, PART 5

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Step 4: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

Dear Friends,

The last part of our 4th Step, is a very important piece of our work toward being happy, joyful and free. This part (harm done to others) will also be very helpful for steps 5, 6, 7 and 8.

The heading for this column is: "Whom did I hurt with my sexual and general conduct."

Remember this: "We all have sexual problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't." (AABB pg. 69).

This part can be written down as a 6th column (as shown on the WTS Step Study Website http://recovery.hiwaay.net/wts/2002/index.html (go there and scroll down to Fourth Quarter, Step 4) or if you are like me and have a lot to write, you can write it across the page after each group of columns.

I am resentful at: The Cause: (Why are we angry?) Affects My: Where was I: What was I afraid of: Whom did I hurt with my sexual and general conduct.":
           
           
           
           


and so on down the list. In our inventory where it is appropriate after a resentment or by add people, places and things at the end, as folks you have harmed through sexual or general conduct, we begin writing down how we have harmed others.

Some ideas of how we can harm others:

In general: Financially (by stealing), physical violence, verbal abuse, gossip, lies, and by acting out other character defects.

Sexual harm: the obvious things such as: rape, molestation (overt or covert) and the less obvious: by arousing jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness perhaps through our flirting or our adulterous behavior that our partner does not know but suffers with because even if we keep it a secret if affects our behavior and it changes our relationship sooner or later.

Am example from my own personal inventory: I was resentful of my sister. The harm I did to her was that I held my resentment against her long after I moved far away from her, and I gossiped about her and when I was in contact with her (when my mother died) , I yelled very (inappropriately) and scared her because I had been carrying so much rage inside me for so long.

After writing each harm that I did., I wrote a sentence at the end about what I could have done instead....this helped me vision a "sound and sane ideal" (pg 69) for my future.

Remember this part of the inventory has nothing to do with harm done to me. I went through all my resentments and I could find in each one, harm I had done; sometimes by my sexual conduct and sometimes by my general conduct. And at the end I added people, places and things that I had harmed who were not on my list of resentments. I was very honest even when I didn't want to be. But to tell you the truth, by the time I came to this part of my 4th step, I had already looked at and admitted to my side of the street, and now I was just being more direct. I tell you from where I am now in recovery it was worth the effort.... a million times over!

"If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of our grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself!" (AABB pg. 71).

Something that helped me while doing this part of the inventory, was to keep a separate piece of paper where I listed some kindness I showed toward people, places and things. This helped me keep a more balanced state and not fall into morbidity. This is not about Guilt or Shame....it is about getting honest setting ourselves FREE!!

As always, if you have any problems please feel free to write me at: dreenagoode@earthlink.net or call me at: (909) 338-3026.

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Questions:

1) How do you feel now that you have finished your Fourth Step? And if you haven't, what is holding you back? What can you do to help yourself move along?

2) Please share with us some of the kindness from your separate list (if you made one).

3) List three things that you are grateful for at this point in your recovery.

Congratulations on completing Step 4. Be kind to yourself and do something special and healing......like take a nice bubble bath, a long walk, or have a cleansing and healing cry.

I will be sending the fifth step on Wednesday, November 6th.

All my love,
Dreena


"What happens to you does not matter: What you BECOME through those experiences is all that is significant. This is the true MEANING of life."



STEP FOUR, PART 1
STEP FOUR, PART 2
STEP FOUR, PART 3
STEP FOUR, PART 4
STEP FOUR, PART 5


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