Now let us finish our resentment table.
We add another column. The heading of this column will be:
"What was my part?"
(The nature of my wrongs)
In this column I write, for each resentment, what I did in this situation.
We write in bullet sentences (short and to the point) and describe the
different manifestations of our grosser liabilities (the grosser liabilities
are selfishness, self-seeking, inconsiderate, dishonest and frightened).
To help us write in such a way we may use the liabilities and assets list
that was given here as an example.
Examples of bullet sentences are:
Lied to mother, cheated on my spouse, procrastinated, gossiped, people-
Let us turn to the Example on page 65 BB and write this column for the first
entry. I will first repeat here the example I gave in my previous post just for
Let me assume that the table on page 65 is mine, and do the procedure for
I read why I resent him in the second column, and see in the third column
how my sex relations, self-esteem, and security were affected.
Reading all this brings up my resentments again, so now I say the prayers.
"God, help us show Mr. Brown the same tolerance, pity, and patience that I
would cheerfully grant a sick friend."
"God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
Now I put a star mark * in the prayer column.
Then I go over to consider my part in the "Where was I" column.
I ask myself the following:
Was I selfish? YES, thinking only of my sexual pleasures (affects my sex
REMARK: I write in italics my basic instincts that were affected.
Was I self seeking? YES, I acted selfishly by neglecting my wife and having
an affair (sex relations). I acted selfishly by telling Mr. Brown about my mistress (self esteem). I acted selfishly by neglecting my job (self esteem, security).
Was I inconsiderate? YES, I had no considerations for my wife's feelings
and how she is being hurt by my affair (sex relations, self esteem).
Was I dishonest? YES, keeping secrets from my wife (sex relations, self-esteem).
Was I frightened? YES I was afraid that my wife and my mistress will leave
me after my wife found out about my affair (sex relations, self-esteem).
I was afraid of losing my job (self-esteem, security),
Now all I have to write down in my column is the following:
Ss, S, I, F, D
I don't add anything to that. All the above was done in my head.
Now let me look again at my YES answers and see what I can write in the
"What was my part" column.
I don't repeat the character defects that I listed in my previous column. In
this one I write the various manifestations of those defects. So here is what I write:
I was disloyal to my wife, I gossiped (told Mr. Brown about my mistress), I
didn't do my job properly (procrastination, stealing , etc...), I tried to control my wife.
Before we finish with this example let us consider the mirror effect.
A lot of times we resent others because they exhibit character defects that
are identical to our own. This is called the mirror effect.
In order to see it let us look at the second column on page 65, "The
Let us see what character defects Mr. Brown supposedly exhibits here.
Flirting with another woman, gossiping, manipulative at the office. Now I
ask, "Do these fit me?"
YES, they do. In this way I can be reminded of defects that I missed.
I see now that I can add manipulative to my last column.
I also see now that Mr. Brown has the same defects that I do. This makes it
easier to look at him not as an ogre, but as a human being with the same
flaws I have, and realize that my resentment is a bit superfluous.
Now, let us ask the following:
Will my step 4 be perfect if I take it this way? The answer is NO!!!!
There is no such thing as a perfect inventory. Let us be satisfied in doing
whatever we can at this stage. If we miss something, or are not aware of
something, we can always add it in our future step work.
Next question. Is this the end of step 4? No. We will deal with the fear table in our next post.
INTO ACTION AND SHARING SUBJECTS:
1. Finish your resentment table by adding the "What was my part column."
Use the liabilities and assets list and the mirror effect to help you fill
2. Share all the columns about 4 people with us.
3. How do you feel after finishing your resentment table? Were some of your
resentments removed or lessened?
See you in the fear table.
Have a nice day.