STEP FOUR, PART 6 Hi friends. My name is Shlomo and I am a food addict and compulsive overeater. Let me say a few words about the need for a thorough analysis of our part in the events that led to our resentments. I once tried a shortcut and did only the first three columns, thinking that since I realized the damage I was doing to myself by having resentments, I could get rid of them by prayers, and by trying to avoid retaliation and argument. It didn't work. The moment I thought I got rid of one resentment, another one came up. It was really similar to what I once did with food. I understood the harm in my bingeing, and I found out what my trigger foods were. I made a food plan, turned it to my sponsor and to God, I prayed to God to help me with my commitment, and went to meetings. I really used all the tools talked about in meetings like writing, reading, talking on the phone, giving service, and still I could not stay abstinent. I didn't know the reason then. I know it now. I had not worked all the steps. I didn't really have a spiritual awakening. I was not freed of my obsession and therefore I could not remain abstinent, no matter how much I tried and prayed. The change comes when we build new relations with God, ourselves and others by working all the steps, and I didn't do that. I got temporary relief, but then the obsession overcame me and I fell flat on my face. Something similar happened with my resentments. I knew they were wrong. I tried to get rid of them by avoiding retaliation and argument, I knew I could not deal with them and therefore prayed to H.P. for help, but it didn't work, since I didn't bother to identify the source of the resentments inside me. I didn't identify my character defects. I didn't analyze how they affected my basic inner self and therefore I could not change. In this post we are going to look a bit more deeply into the nature of our character defects, and the way they manifest in our life. According to The Big Book, the root of our spiritual disease is self-centeredness. Till now we identified five major manifestations of self -centeredness, namely: selfishness, self-seeking, inconsiderate, frightened and dishonest. Now we are going to see how these major manifestations are expressed in our life in more detail by manifestations of less complex defects that have their roots in those five. We do this further analysis since we are asked to look "Where were we to blame?" page 67. And in step 5 we are asked to admit "...the exact nature of our wrongs." The Big Book gives us some information on that. Sometimes it is explicit and sometimes implicit. "... he is sure other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self pitying ... is he not really a self- seeker ... Is he not a victim of delusion? ... are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? "Selfishness - self centeredness! That we think is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self pity, we step on the toes of our fellows... "... The compulsive eater is an extreme example of self-will run riot. ... "... We had to quit playing God." pages 61, 62. "We avoid retaliation and argument." page 67 "We pocket our pride [false pride]..." page 75 IMPLICIT INFORMATION: "Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort..." page 64. This is a clue to the defects of procrastination and laziness. The Big Book also tells us what assets we should cultivate with God's help to replace the character defects that we ask God to remove. "We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.... How can I be helpful to him?... "... God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view..." page 67. "We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people." page 70. So we are shown what assets we have to cultivate and this also informs us of the defects of intolerance and impatience. Let me write down a liabilities and assets table based on those quotes and add some more liabilities from my personal experience. This will of course be a sample list since not every liability on it manifests to the same degree (if at all) in everyone's life. You are free to add or subtract from it as you see fit. Just to give an example, I have the defect of procrastination, but I know a lot of compulsive eaters who don't have this defect. Some even go to the opposite extreme and become workaholics not only at their job, but in a lot of other areas in their life. It is interesting to note that an asset can turn into a defect if it is taken to the extreme. For example determination can be turned into stubbornness, frugal into stinginess, etc... We are an example of self-will run riot, which also means going to extremes. This program teaches us moderation and balance in all things. Now to our liabilities and assets list.