Step Ten

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong,
promptly admitted it.


Below is an example of the daily meditation I personally use. I find it a wonderful way of sounding out my feelings and emotions. It makes a good start to my day and highlights anything that is left over from the previous day. Mine is based on the Lord's Prayer, but yours can take any form you wish. The idea is to include all that steps one to nine teach us, from acknowledging our insanity and our powerlessness to making direct amends and taking a daily inventory.

Dear God, who is forever close by:
Dear God I feel rudderless today. Like all that I once thought I knew about this disease, or whatever it is, has been disproved and now there is a vacant hole inside of me. This brings great sadness. I need someone to talk to about this; I don't feel close enough to You to bring me to a place of comfort. Perhaps this is my problem and that I am trying once again to go it single-handedly. Remind me from time to time that I cannot do this alone... please!

Your will be done in my life
I am beginning to learn what true fellowship with like-minded people really means. I miss my face-to-face group and can't wait till I can return to the fold. This course is right now too demanding of my time and energy but will be over soon. I can't wait much longer to find fellowship with those who know what living/struggling daily with negative thoughts about who and what I am is like. Am I being bossy and controlling again? You know I can be!

Give me this day my daily "bread";
You know what I need, I need some kind of place where I can recharge these batteries. A place where people will understand my thoughts and feelings, I need to know that this is not a hoax, not the wrong path for me. I need to feel You close to me today. But of course I am supposed to seek Your will not mine ... so I bow to Your guidance once again.

And forgive me my trespasses
My thoughts were wrong, I should not have got inwardly angry at my friend - she is just hesitant and I am in need of something and cannot even be sure of what. Please forgive my anger, it was wrong even if inwardly directed. I remember well how I used to direct all such emotions inwardly and felt them hidden from view. However my actions and reactions still showed the pain and anger that was seething just below the surface. I was like a coil ready to lash out, I was like the snake poised to bite the next innocent passerby. I was that crouching lion. Please help me to find release from such negative thoughts and emotions. Bring me peace and serenity instead.

As I forgive those who trespass against me;
Help me to forgive my friend; she wasn't to know my needs. I also forgive the man who cut me up on the road today, perhaps I should pray for his safety and that of others he comes across on his journey. I must make amends to my sister-in-law: whilst I felt I needed to set boundaries, I wonder if I might have been a little less harsh in the process.

And lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil.
Just keep me safe from myself and this disease. Keep my thoughts healthy and my mind clear from the clutter of planning and perfectionism. Keep my food abstinent and my journey safe.

For my life, my recovery, the power, and the glory are yours, now and forever. I cannot do this alone and You can do for me what I cannot do for myself. Keep this in my mind as I step out today.

Your Child,

Step Nine

Step Eleven

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