LEADER'S SHARE ~ STEP SIX|
The glow of stumbling across the rooms of OA was wearing off by the time I reached step six; the eagerness with which I tackled the previous steps was wearing thin and now I just wanted to get things over and done with so that life could begin in earnest.
I still wasn't sure of how I was to know what God was telling me, I still hadn't heard His voice, or at least I didn't think I had! I was struggling with the concept of handing my life over to Him since I really didn't know who "Him" was.
I did fall into the trap of thinking that all I had to do was wake up and make the decision to do things differently and for a time this worked well. At ever opportunity I simply chose to do the opposite to what I had always done. After a time though I became confused, I no longer actually knew who Sue Grace was or where she had gone. Implementing the new "characteristics" was not quite the right term because they were not entirely inaugurated within me and were only a makeshift product of the empty space left behind after I had chosen to change the way I acted and reacted.
Step Six, when done properly, leaves no space where once a defect of character was housed. The process is gradual and long-lasting; in receiving new characteristics they are kind of entrenched within you and found to fit well in the vacancy left by the old ones. I would say that in my experience because of the way God removed the defects of character and established the new, I felt reborn, and whilst I remember the old routines, exercising the new characteristics was refreshingly comfortable.
Today I have learned how to recognize that still small voice from within me; I have learned to remain willing to change and kept that fire of willingness burning. Frequently God pricks my conscience concerning the way I have acted or reacted and the restoration and installation of the new method of conduct is rarely far behind. In order that my journey continues, I have to keep the door open for God to step in and show me His will for my life. Since at the end of the day, my will took me nowhere. I find a daily reminder of steps one, two and three keep my objectives clear and the journey free from the complications I so instinctively keep up my sleeve, "for a rainy day!"
Today I like the person I am, I enjoy the journey of discovery and recovery, and today I am prepared to take action towards recovery:   my recovery!