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LEADER'S SHARE ~ STEP FIVE
Dear God,
While many years have come and gone since I handed my inventory to
another person, I have had the privilege of being the recipient of many
inventories along the way. The book will be out shortly. Can You hear the
hearts out there skipping a beat or two?? :-) Now I'd like to be able to
see a show of hands as to how many lost their lives doing the 4th step
inventory? Yes I know that is impossible, unless folks take a second to simply say
they have in fact completed such a task. Think about it.
I'm trying to remember which is more difficult, writing down my defects,
or sharing them with You and another human being. Looking back I really felt uncomfortable with knowing down deep that You already knew what my secrets were and still You loved me as a father loves his children no matter their misdeeds. The unconditional love does not die.
There were many long agonizing hours mulling over a list of
possible receivers of my life and none of them fit the bill. The longer
my list grew the less these new people inspired me to share my
shortcomings. Was I indeed setting me up for yet another long delay in
achieving some relief from this constant longing for peace? For a long
period of time it had become apparent there would be but short
interludes of serenity until this house cleaning of my soul was
complete. Agony of the spirit came to me.
Then one day I listened, really listened, when that soft but strong voice
said to me "Danny Boy, poop or get off the pot. You are dying a slow
painful death due to a lack of faith. I brought you this far, how can you
deny me now?" I called the first person on my list from three months earlier and said I'd like to do my 5th step with you, if you have the time. He said no, I
should think about it and call back. A week went by until my soul caught
up with my mind. I called him back and said if you don't make the time
for me I'm doomed to a slow insidious death. He said, now you are ready
and we made the date. This disease is a killer and until we decide to
treat it that way, our attempts at recovery remain just that - attempts. Be
ready, be afraid, be fearless, just do it.
All of the time consuming agony, most of which was nothing but an
exercise in grandiosity, was useless save for the experience I share with
all of my fellows. The most feared entity I had to reveal my defects to was me. You knew
that all along, God of mine, and showed so much patience with me. Of
course, now comes the part where change becomes the password to that serenity You gave short glimpses of all these years. Just a taste of life free from the madness of obsession, of the constant need for love in all the wrong places.
Now my HP be so kind as to light a fire under those perfection seekers, to
just pick a person they can trust, explain what and why they must - oops!! - they need to do this cleansing of the soul, and let it rip. While they are at it, a word or two sent to the loop might just save a life, maybe a very important life, mine.
AND WHY NOT........Danny
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