|
LEADER'S SHARE ~ STEP THREE
This step was one that I really resisted for a long time, despite
everyone trying to reassure me that I was only making a decision, that it
really didn't have to be so difficult. But I had a lot of fears on this
step because in my mind I saw it akin to my previously unsuccessful attempts
to become "religious" and quite honestly, I just wasn't ready. And why not?
Fear was the bottom line for me. I feared that I would have to give up
those character traits of mine that I enjoyed having. That life would
become dull and glum. That I would no longer be allowed to just "be
myself." I didn't want to put myself in a position of not being able to do
those things that I wanted to do.
I used to have a habit of going to a meeting and then stopping off at a
bar or tavern to hang out at before going home, even though I no longer
drank. This was interfering with my responsibilities and was becoming a
problem, as I would stay late and then be tired and miserable at work the
next day. Being tired though, wouldn't stop me from heading right back there
night after night. I approached my sponsor about this problem and he
suggested that I try saying the Serenity Prayer on my way home.
A few weeks later, my sponsor checked in with me and asked me how my
experiment had gone with saying the Serenity Prayer on my way home. I kind
of shrugged and said I really didn't know. He asked if I'd been saying the
Serenity Prayer and I replied that I had. He asked me how many times I'd
gone to the tavern and I told him I hadn't gone to the tavern since we last
spoke about it. "So it worked," he said. I told him, "Nah, not really, I
just hadn't wanted to stop at the tavern these last couple of weeks." When
he quit laughing, he explained to me that when I turn these things over to
my HP its not that I'm prevented from doing what it is that I want to do,
its that what I WANT to do changes.
He used this same lesson to reassure me that I really had nothing to
fear by doing Step Three, but that didn't really relieve me of the fear of
actually doing the step itself. We chose a place in the woods on a
beautiful stream so that we wouldn't be distracted. I asked him why HE
needed to be there when I did this and he told me it was so just in case I
ever forgot if I'd done the Third Step or not, he would be around to remind
me that I had! Well, crawling off into the woods to pray with another guy
wasn't exactly what I had in mind for a fun day, but I did it anyway! : )
I don't remember feeling any dramatic changes at the time but looking
back on it, I know that the day I took this step was probably one of the
most important days of my life. Without this step it wouldn't have been
possible for me to do the next steps, and without those remaining steps, I'd
have never gained abstinence from compulsive overeating. I take this Step
Three now, every morning before I start my day, and occasionally several times
throughout the day. There are those who say it never has to be said more
than once, but I've found that it helps keep me focused on the idea that I
am no longer having to control my own life.
I don't know if I can "make" my HP take over my will and my life, but
making the decision to do so and being open minded enough to allow my HP to
work through me, often makes the most difficult situations bearable. I can't
always tell the difference between my will and my HP's will, and I like to
think that it is because what I want in my life is changing and becoming
more in line with what my HP wants for me.
Would you tell us your experience with Step Three and what it has meant
to you?
Love,
Thumper
|
