LEADER'S SHARE ~ STEP THREE|
How well I knew the voracious appetite of a compulsive eater. There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach that demanded food, food, food. I eventually came to realize that this hunger was unnatural. Real hunger is something I have rarely experienced. Natural hunger, that gentle motion of the body to remind us that it is time to eat, is not a feeling that overrides our sanity. There were two episodes that pointed this out to me.
You recall that I came to OA on April 9, 1993. Early in June I was driving to a conference up the Hudson. I was due at the conference center at 12:30 for lunch, and I knew that this particular place would offer selections that would fit well with my food plan. I was running a little ahead of schedule, which was certainly OK. Trouble was, I had to make a rest stop. Now, the rest area was about twenty minutes from the conference center, and the time was about a quarter of twelve. So far, so good. No problems, right? Until I got there.
The bathroom was at the far end of a court, and both sides of the court were lined with fast food joints, and the smells were outrageously good. Immediately, I was overcome with a desire to eat some things. After all, I could eat here and at the conference center. You never did something like that did you? I would have, once. But then I remembered what Sam, my sponsor had told me. I had never faced this situation with my HP before, but, I thought here goes nothing.
Being fond of Alice Walker's The Color Purple, I began with Dear God:
I don't know whether you can help me get to the far end of this court, take a leak, and get back to my car without eating, but if you can, I sure would appreciate it.
Well, just like that, the compulsive raging simply went away. I was naturally hungry, because it was almost lunch time. But I had no need to eat. None of the food in that court had my name on it, and sure enough, the conference center had good, abstinent choices to set before me.
Well, that certainly gave me food for thought.
Not long after I had to drive to a place in New Jersey on business. The business took longer than I had anticipated, and I was very late returning home. It was about two o'clock in the afternoon when I drove onto a section of highway that was a compulsive eater's delight. Almost every form of fast food, and plenty of New Jersey diners, where the portions are all three times normal. Suddenly, it seemed to me to be a good idea to stop and eat now. Of course, I was no more than twenty minutes from home, and a good, abstinent meal. But that little devil within was screeching for FOOD NOW! But Sam's advice came to mind again.
Dear God: Let me get home and eat my own food.
Same results: The compulsive hunger pains subsided. I was hungry, but there was no need to believe I was starving. It would have taken me several months to starve to death at that time.
Well, that's my story of how it began for me. Later, I got into the "constant contact" stuff, but we'll wait for that.
Share with me. Have you ever tried your HP? Did it work for you like it did for me?
What might you need to do to make it work for you?