LEADER'S SHARE ~ STEP TWO|
Setting aside my faith, I have found that for me this step has three parts,
the first being the recognition of insanity, to be precise my insanity. The
second part being the acceptance that there is someone more accomplished
than I. The third and probably the hardest part of all, is having the faith
and trust to relinquish "control" to this Higher Power.
Having completed Step One, the admission of insanity within myself is an all
too effortless task. Working Step One also revealed that no matter how hard
I tried, I was not strong enough to deal with life in a healthy and moderate
manner; not under my own steam. Having witnessed, listened to and spoken
with those in the programme living in recovery it has become obvious that
they have gained some kind of sobriety; it is logical therefore to assume
they had help.
As a believer in God you would think that this step is easy for me; well you
would be wrong. I looked to God to help others, to shelter others and to
guide others. I knew His power to be awesome, His miracles mind-blowing and
His strength limitless. However it took time, practice and patience to apply
what I knew of God to my own life.
This step is not asking me to "convert," it is simply asking me to believe
that where I am weak, there is one who is stronger, where I am blind there
is one who sees and where I am fearful there is one who offers shelter. Step
Two is asking me to believe that I do not carry the burden of my life alone,
that I can turn to a "Power greater than ourselves" to do what I so
obviously cannot do for myself.
Having admitted that my life is out of control, I am only too willing to
look to another source for my fortitude, courage and wisdom, since 35 years
of self-reliance tells me that I am unqualified to take the reins of my
life. I do not feel feeble at this acknowledgement, I do not feel demoralized; I feel total release. To be honest waking every morning knowing that the day would end like all the others, following the same path of pain, guilt and shame was not what by any stretch of the imagination I would call getting a grip on my life. To know now that there is someone who can carry me over the hurdles, point me in the right direction and one who will offer
me a life far from the one I led previously is nothing short of a miracle.
I have heard insanity described as doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different outcome. Well prior to joining OA my life was by
this definition driven by insanity. As with Step One, Step Two offers hope,
hope of a different outcome, different to what was achieved by my own means.
If there are things you don't like in your world, then do things