Dear Fellow Travelers,
Step Two Essay
The difficult part of this step is understanding why anyone would believe in God at all or in one that could and or would give a damn about a bum like me. A power greater than Danny? Not while I'm carrying a handgun or standing on the corner with my pals. For most folks this is not the case, although many have prayed to the God of
their childhood and think that God did not answer their prayers so why
bother. Who or what is responsible for warped and just plain wrong
perceptions of who and what God is, means nothing when faced with the
onslaught of insanity or death. So many have looked into such a bleak
future and felt, if only for a moment, that a quiet death would some how
be better than living in a self made prison of fat. The God of my youth would sentence me to living in hell forever just for thinking the wrong thing. Talk about stinking thinking! Having attended Our Lady of Perpetual Barbed Wire, I well knew what waited for me in the after life, because try as I may, my mind wandered towards the
blond haired girl in the fifth row.
The choice facing people coming into the fellowship is made much easier. If I come to believe and act as if there is a HP, and find nothing when I die, well, so what. I like those
two words,"so what" which my sponsor tells me may be used to defuse any
situation. Try it next time someone is trying to push your button. A well
placed "so what" works wonders.
Now, if my time on earth is over and I meet God, at least I acted as if and deserve some consideration. So what does one do who thinks he could convince the Pope there is no
God? When faced on a few occasions with serious illness, it becomes
easier to believe, especially when there are miracles taking place in
meeting rooms the world over. I look in the mirror and see such a
miracle every day - which brings me to the insanity business.
Now there is more than enough evidence in my life to make me certifiably nuts in any
state. What about the every day C.O.E. who lives an easy life but has
tried every diet and diet doctor known? This fellow has with high
spirits started a new diet each week for thirty years and always the
result was nil. The minute some thing, person, place or situation threw him
a curve, he had his face buried in a plate of ___________, you name it. When we try
the same thing over and over for year after year, expecting different
results, well now that is insane.
What have we got to lose? One thing we stand to lose by taking step two
is the illusion of ourselves as the center of God's universe. This might not be a bad
idea to get rid of. When push comes to shove do you really acknowledge
any kind of force which is greater than your own ego? I did not - that is
for certain. More important than acknowledging the mere possibility do
you defer to such a power in every day living? Do you think that while a higher power may exist, that power would not care about you? Is this reluctance due to our ego wanting to be stronger than anything, that we may by force of will do the next right thing
without outside help?
By getting rid of these egotistical illusions we free ourselves to lead
better lives, if for no other reason than being able to ask for
help, like from a sponsor. There are some things we do lose, like the fear
of living, along with excess weight, as you continue with the other
steps. This, then, is the beginning of change, and change there must be in
order to recover. Think about it.
Another part of the insanity is losing weight to please another human
being, and let us not forget thinking our lives would be great if we
were thin or if the other actors in our play of life would just follow
the script we wrote, produced and directed. Which leads me to another
sure sign of insanity: trying to supervise people who do not need
supervision. Find some sort of Higher Power, even if it is the light
switch on the wall that makes the room turn from darkness to
light, unless of course you live in California.
AND WHY NOT.......Danny