Dear Fellow Travelers,

Step Two Essay

Dear God,

The difficult part of this step is understanding why anyone would believe in God at all or in one that could and or would give a damn about a bum like me. A power greater than Danny? Not while I'm carrying a handgun or standing on the corner with my pals. For most folks this is not the case, although many have prayed to the God of their childhood and think that God did not answer their prayers so why bother. Who or what is responsible for warped and just plain wrong perceptions of who and what God is, means nothing when faced with the onslaught of insanity or death. So many have looked into such a bleak future and felt, if only for a moment, that a quiet death would some how be better than living in a self made prison of fat. The God of my youth would sentence me to living in hell forever just for thinking the wrong thing. Talk about stinking thinking! Having attended Our Lady of Perpetual Barbed Wire, I well knew what waited for me in the after life, because try as I may, my mind wandered towards the blond haired girl in the fifth row.

The choice facing people coming into the fellowship is made much easier. If I come to believe and act as if there is a HP, and find nothing when I die, well, so what. I like those two words,"so what" which my sponsor tells me may be used to defuse any situation. Try it next time someone is trying to push your button. A well placed "so what" works wonders.

Now, if my time on earth is over and I meet God, at least I acted as if and deserve some consideration. So what does one do who thinks he could convince the Pope there is no God? When faced on a few occasions with serious illness, it becomes easier to believe, especially when there are miracles taking place in meeting rooms the world over. I look in the mirror and see such a miracle every day - which brings me to the insanity business.

Now there is more than enough evidence in my life to make me certifiably nuts in any state. What about the every day C.O.E. who lives an easy life but has tried every diet and diet doctor known? This fellow has with high spirits started a new diet each week for thirty years and always the result was nil. The minute some thing, person, place or situation threw him a curve, he had his face buried in a plate of ___________, you name it. When we try the same thing over and over for year after year, expecting different results, well now that is insane.

What have we got to lose? One thing we stand to lose by taking step two is the illusion of ourselves as the center of God's universe. This might not be a bad idea to get rid of. When push comes to shove do you really acknowledge any kind of force which is greater than your own ego? I did not - that is for certain. More important than acknowledging the mere possibility do you defer to such a power in every day living? Do you think that while a higher power may exist, that power would not care about you? Is this reluctance due to our ego wanting to be stronger than anything, that we may by force of will do the next right thing without outside help?

By getting rid of these egotistical illusions we free ourselves to lead better lives, if for no other reason than being able to ask for help, like from a sponsor. There are some things we do lose, like the fear of living, along with excess weight, as you continue with the other steps. This, then, is the beginning of change, and change there must be in order to recover. Think about it.

Another part of the insanity is losing weight to please another human being, and let us not forget thinking our lives would be great if we were thin or if the other actors in our play of life would just follow the script we wrote, produced and directed. Which leads me to another sure sign of insanity: trying to supervise people who do not need supervision. Find some sort of Higher Power, even if it is the light switch on the wall that makes the room turn from darkness to light, unless of course you live in California.

AND WHY NOT.......Danny