Dear Fellow Travelers,

Step One Essay

Dear God,

What is this Compulsive Overeating thing we are to speak of? Why is it so overpowering that despite my resolve, turned into pleading, I still am unable to eat as normal people do? My life unmanageable? How is this possible when as head of my household and in my work life I do what needs to be done? When these words of step one unfolded before my eyes for the first time the word "WE" stood out and provided a safe haven amidst the storm. Let us look at our life under the light of step one. The question begs itself, how may I be powerless over food. Food has no brain, no soul, only the instinct to find water and sun so it may grow. How then are we powerless over food?

Perhaps we are powerless over our attitude with food; therefore, that attitude needs changing. So if it is conceded that my attitude needs to be changed what or who is going to change it? This second part of step one - our lives unmanageable? I think not, but then let us look for a moment at the number of times we placed ourselves on a new diet and went bravely into the night prepared to do it, this time. Where was our resolve, as the latest Monday morning diet went the way of all diets, right back into the food sometimes within minutes. How many times have we thought and agonized over what we would eat next when our plate was still full. Is eating the leftovers off another person's plate part of our eating habits? Kids plates count too, Mom.

When invited to dinner do we first ask what is being served instead of who our dinner companions will be? Then of course there are the late night forays to the all night market followed by hiding the food wrappers. Of course all must be finished whether our stomachs are painfully telling us we were full before we even started to eat. When the urge strikes, is the garbage can off limits, or merely the last gasp of our sick minds doing anything to appease the beast? Being constantly seduced by food - the purchasing of, preparation, serving, and finally the consumption of food - is a daily battle. Sometimes the battle is won, however the war is continuous, never ending. If our lives are driven by the consumption of food is there any way the rest of what is left of our lives could possibly be normal?

Each individual must be the arbitrator of this. The WE in step one means there are many similarities in our approach to food and as many differences. Stealing money to aquaria food, hiding food so those we live with do not know how much we eat, or, worse, eating it themselves. While waltzing our way down the market aisles, eating food not paid for, is there a thought to the consequences of being labeled a thief and perhaps being arrested? Probably not. In our self-loathing best, are we capable of loving others and doing so unconditionally? If food cravings are responsible for diluting or changing our thought process, how manageable is that?

My personal story of step one follows this. What do we do when willpower is not enough? Perhaps we should turn to the God of our understanding even if his name is Otto. AND WHY NOT..... Danny