Step Four
Step Four Contents:
| Introduction |
| Part 1 and Questions for journaling |
| Part 2 and Questions for journaling |
| Part 3 and Questions for journaling |
| Part 4 and Questions for journaling |
 Step Three |
 Index |
 Step Five |
Happy April! My name is Lee. I'm a compulsive overeater and honored to be your step leader for this month.
As you know, we will be working on the 4th step, often referred to as the first "action" step; In Step 3 we "made a decision [underline is mine] to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him." In this step we begin to act on our decision by making a "…searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
We are all incredibly fortunate to have the opportunity to work through this step together; Though I have been in hundreds of step meetings where we shared about the step, I've never been in a group where we were working on the same step at the same time; And what a time! I think it's wonderfully appropriate to be doing this interior "house cleaning" at the beginning of Spring.
Hopefully by now you all have sponsors; It really makes a big difference in this step; If you do not yet have a sponsor, I would recommend, at the least, getting a temporary sponsor; If anyone needs the current list of online sponsors, please e-mail me privately.
I am a believer in working the steps as a continual process; Each time we cycle through the steps, we reach deeper levels of understanding; This step takes a lot of courage to begin and follow through to the end, but the payoff is tremendous.
I very much look forward to reading all of your shares each week!
Love in recovery,
Lee
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
I am one of those people that wants to learn everything
vicariously. You
name it, there's a good chance I've read it.
I somehow exempted myself as
one of those who has to roll up her sleeves and apply
elbow grease to get
the most out of my life. I glided through a
lot of my early life, because on
the outside I looked fine. The reality is that
I "checked out" a good deal of
the time.
When I was exposed to 12-step groups, I had a similar
attitude. I knew the
twelve steps by heart and thought they were "wonderful
tools" that "everyone could benefit from." My arrogance is almost
embarrassing, but so typical, I think, with my level of denial.
When I had that moment of clarity, it was because I
saw a reflection of
myself in my mother. I was 32 years old, visiting
her, and had the sudden
realization that she was an addict (active alcoholic),
and probably had been
my whole life. In the next instant I realized
that I was also an addict and
that she and I only differed in our substances of
choice. (Another major
difference is that she died an alcoholic, and never
sought recovery.)
So I dived in. I went back to OA, introduced
myself as a compulsive
overeater and an addict, and starting working on my
4th step. Though I went to meetings, read the literature, talked
program with my husband, and made occasional phone calls, I still was attempting
to work the program without a sponsor. Also, for some reason I thought
I had already taken the first three steps. I had done no more than
read and memorize them.
In retrospect, this was a valuable exercise for me.
It was a great
catharsis and when I gave this step away, I became
a lot more accepting of others because I had been accepted myself.
The main problem was that I was still doing MY version of OA, still isolating,
and doing the 4th step in the way that I did, did not set the groundwork
for the steps to follow.
Therefore, I would like to focus the first set of questions
on getting
ready. I'd like all of us to think about the steps
we've taken so far, as well as
our hopes and expectations about this step.
This is not to delay getting
started - this is simply ensuring that we have set
aside the time and space
for this work. I mentioned sponsorship in my
introduction. Together with
our sponsors, we want to come up with a plan of
action.
The first time I did the Fourth Step, I wrote about
all of the relationships
in my life, and used this journaling to uncover my
assets and defects.
(Yes, it was very long.) My subsequent fourth
step work has been searching for ANYTHING that blocks me from having a
clear, honest and open relationship with my Higher Power. As it says
in the Big Book (p.66) anything that causes us to "shut ourselves off from
the sunlight of the Spirit."
There are countless ways that the Fourth Step can be
done.
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
2. What are your hopes and expectations for this step?
3. What are your expectations from your sponsor?
4. Have you and your sponsor come up with a plan of action?
5. What do the words "searching" and "fearless" mean to you?
Thank you for participating in our 1999 Step Study
Love in recovery,
"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
Hi, I'm Lee. I'm a compulsive overeater, and the leader for the month of
April as we work through our Fourth Step.
I want to thank ALL of you for participating in this Step Study. I have
especially appreciated the honesty in all of your shares. For me, honesty
was the launching point for noticeable recovery. I wasn't able to get any
lasting abstinence until I was able to admit that I was in the food. I
believe that I got the courage to be honest by hearing others share honestly.
I was in a meeting a couple of weeks ago where the woman talked about how
much easier it is to recover once we KNOW WHO WE ARE. To me, that's a big
part of the Fourth Step - uncovering our secrets - the parts of ourselves
that we've been afraid to look at. We do this honestly and to the best of
our ability at that particular point in time. And we cycle back through the
steps because as we grow in our recovery more is revealed.
There is a statement in the OA 12& 12 that really spoke to me this time
around. It says, "When we face the guilt that truthfully tells us, "You made
a mistake," we're freed of shame that falsely tells us, 'you are a mistake'"
(page 43). What this means to me is that, though it's important in my
recovery that I know that I'm a compulsive overeater and that I have faults,
and even that I have positive attributes. these are all characteristics about
me, they aren't ME.
I can't remember who, but someone responded to my question about the meaning
of "fearless" saying that his/her interpretation of "fearless" was acting "as
if" he/she didn't have any fear. That really struck a chord with me. Most
of us do have fears when we do this step. Usually in doing this Step, we
spend quite a bit of time looking at our fears. The Big Book says, "This
short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives." So my feeling
is that doing a "fearless" inventory is our first major act of faith. We
will be okay. In fact, we are okay even if we are uncomfortable, and even
though we're not perfect.* Our secrets lose their power once we allow
ourselves to look at them. "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
2. Do you find that you have barriers to being "rigorously" honest? If so,
what tools do you use to overcome this reluctance?
3. Do you notice a difference in your character defects when you're abstinent
vs. when you're not?
4. Do you see the function of some of these "character defects" in your life?
How have they served you in the past? Has that changed?
Thank you for participating in our 1999 Step Study
Love in recovery,
Lee Dear WTS Loop
Members,
Hi everyone. My name is Lee.
I'm a compulsive overeater and the leader for the month of April.
From the flood of private inquiries,
and the number of posts to our group, I gather that many of you are well
into this Step. Others are just getting started. Some of you are feeling
"stuck." Several people have commented that they had previously started
Fourth Steps and had not finished.
I would like to focus our discussion
this week on staying with it. I do not mean this in the context of being
hard on yourself, but in the context of gentleness, patience and
persistence.
As I've shared before, the first
time I did Step Four, I was driven. It was one of those times that I was
inspired, and I wrote every chance I had. However, each time I've gone
back through this Step, I've encountered a lot of resistance within myself
which manifests itself in a number of different ways - procrastination,
boredom, busyness, sleepiness, restlessness, etc. And, this time around,
when I am answering questions, it is so tempting for me not to write out
complete answers, not to really search. What I realized is that we can
all use other areas of our lives as examples of how we draw from our inner
resources to get the job done.
Over the years I've been an outdoor
adventure enthusiast. Though I seem to have been born with a naturally
tendency to build strength quickly, I'm not a particularly gifted athlete.
The important thing for me is being out there doing it - i.e. the journey,
not the destination. But I have also found that keeping the destination
in mind is an important part of the journey. So, here's one example of
an "adventure" that was a difficult journey, that I finished, and from
which I learned some principles that are relevant to this program, and,
I think, particularly to Step Four.
I climbed Mt. Shasta (14,162')
a few years ago with my husband and another male friend. We hiked to the
"base camp" on July 4 (about 10,000') and spent the night. (I mention the
date because I had the unique experience of watching fireworks from above
and they were TINY.) The next morning, we got an early start, were full
of energy and started off on our journey. We were well prepared, had had
a good breakfast, gotten a decent night's sleep, had the appropriate gear
etc. (There was snow at this elevation.) Everything was fine until we got
to about 12,500 or 13,000 feet. Then I really noticed the altitude and
was having trouble exerting myself. My limbs felt so heavy, I could take
a maximum of 10 steps and then I'd have to stop and rest while I caught
my breathe. Though I was very uncomfortable, I wasn't getting any of the
known danger signs of altitude sickness and decided to continue, ONE STEP
AT A TIME. And though my goal was 10 steps, sometimes I did have to stop
and rest after only one step. It's possible that those last 100 feet took
an hour, but I couldn't focus on that. All I did was kept putting one foot
in front of another as long as I could.
This is what applies to the Fourth
Step for me. It's that sense of knowing that the completion point is there
and having it so close, yet so far away. It was about continuing even if
I didn't know when I'd be done. It's about being uncomfortable and knowing
that it's okay to be uncomfortable, and that the only way to is through.
It's focusing my energy in each tiny step. It's not racing, accepting that
this may take me a while. It's not feeling bad that others were passing
me and passing me again on their way back down. It was knowing that I was
doing the best that I could. I'm sure I could go on and on.
So, here we are working on our
Fourth Step. And though we know we'll be coming back to it as we cycle
through the steps, right now we want to complete this step to the best
of our ability, keeping in mind, "progress, not perfection" but also keeping
our intent to be "fearless and thorough."
1. What ideas do you have about
how to stay motivated? If you've done this Step before, what has worked
for you in the past?
2. What experiences do you have
in other areas of your life that you can draw from in order to continue
working on this Step until you are finished?
3. When do you ask for help working
this Step?
4. How do you nurture yourself
while you are doing this Step? Are you able to be gentle with yourself?
Are you able to be compassionate with yourself?
Dear WTS Loop
Members,
Hi, my name is Lee. I'm a compulsive overeater
and the leader for the month of April as we work through our Fourth Step.
I have felt very humble in reading all of your posts. I have read so much stark honesty,
courage, vulnerability and willingness. And I have strongly felt the impact of two things: 1) how
powerful this disease really is and 2) that we are all recovering.
A few weeks ago (first post of the month) I talked about this being our first action step. This
is where we learn to exhibit faith whether we feel it or not. We trust that by muddling through
the muck within, we can begin to sort it out. We learn to accept these parts of ourselves, and we
get ready to move on.
One of the surprising things I uncover when I do this step is that I'm actually a good person.
There is no doubt that I have many, MANY faults, AND some of the defects I thought I had
released, still recur. But, as someone said in a share, there is a beginning and an end. I also
know that pure cruelty is not a motive for any of my behavior. That is not to say that I have
never been cruel.
Several years ago I had an enlightening experience about the contradictory characteristics
that reside within all of us. I was in a parking garage in a major city, and it was the only
centrally located garage with reasonable prices. This place had 8 floors - and it was a battlefield.
People were cutting each other off left and right, swerving around other cars and stealing the
parking space that the other driver was waiting for etc. I felt compelled to go into
defensive-aggressive mode, an after about 15 minutes of this insanity, I found a space.
The garage had two elevators. I got into one that was full of all the people with whom I'd
just competed for a parking space. Several people gave me a friendly smile. As the doors were
about to shut, we all saw three people at the very other end of the garage starting to run towards
us. Someone held the "door open" button (remember there was a second elevator that was
probably available) and we all waited patiently until these people were safely inside. They
smiled and said their thanks. All of a sudden it struck me and I said aloud, "Phew! Now that we
all found our parking spaces, we can afford to be considerate!" A couple of people chuckled
uncomfortably, everyone else kept their eyes focused on the doors.
The amount of fear, or the lack of willingness to look at our "dark side" is so common and it
was so palpable in that elevator! We are all full of contradictions and we all share many of the
same character defects.
I just want to remind us that what the work we are doing in the Fourth Step is absolutely
incredible. Please, everyone, pat yourself on the back. Feel free to do so any time you need or
want it.
HP bless us all!
Love in recovery,
Lee 1. Has working with the WTS loop on this step,
helped? If so, how?
2. What does the statement, "We are as sick as our secrets" mean to you? Have you
discovered that as you've worked Step Four? Have you felt any relief?
3. As you do this intense interior work, do you find yourself feeling differently towards
yourself? Do you feel differently towards others? If so, how have your attitudes changed?
4. Can you seen any humor in your past behaviors?
5. What are you like when you feel the best about yourself?
WTS
My name is Lee and I'm a compulsive overeater.
I was first exposed to
12-step programs in January 1991, shortly after meeting
my husband. He had been attending AA for about 4 years and thought
it was important in our relationship. (He was right!) Though my food
addiction (especially sugar) was active by the time I was 4 years old,
it took me four years of being a "guest" in his AA meetings, as well as
some time of my own in and out of OA, to realize that I am an addict.
The important
thing is that we do it.
We ARE worth it!
1. Do you feel complete about your work on the first three steps?
If you've gone through this process before, how did it benefit you?
Do you have a specific approach?
How about timeline?
Lee
Dear WTS Loop Members,
1. What kinds of feelings are coming up as you work on this Step?
Step Four ~ Part
3
"Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves."
Step Four ~ Part 3:
Questions
"Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves."
Step Four ~ Part
4
"Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves."
Step Four ~ Part 4:
Questions
"Made a searching and fearless
moral inventory of ourselves."
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