Hi guys, Auds here ... sober and abstinent one day at a time by the grace of God, this fellowship, and my own effort.
It is dark still, it is dark and still. The dogs are outside, I am inside, my cold is worse and I am unable to find the energy to walk this morning. Hmmmm. Is this forever? Everytime I get sick I run old tapes of being sick and tired. When into my addictions, bed was an eighteen hour thing, covers pulled up over my head, doors locked, phone off the hook!
What is different now? I am up and writing, the dogs are happily rooting around the yard. My doors are all unlocked. I have organized the phone alert thing on 8.0 which tells me who is calling and lets me send back a message without going off line. My rooms are tidy, even if I am not. I am into comtrex not addictions.
If this sounds grateful you got it.
I received a letter this morning from one of the people who are so important to my well being. We had lunch together on Monday in New Jersey. I am still feeling the love and empathy that table of recovering addicts had for each other. The laughter at shared character defects and the sharing of what is real is only possible in an atmosphere of unconditional love where we feel safe and validated.
I received a quote from Johann Paul Friedrich Richter yesterday and I repeat it here because I am so apt to say if only or when. When I get better, If only I weren't feeling so lousy, oh my I hate being under the weather. But now for the quote.
"Look upon every day as the whole of life, not merely as a section;
and enjoy and improve the present without wishing,
through haste to rush on to another."
How often have I told my young friends and family not to wish away the present, it is what we have. The 'I can't wait syndrome' brings outcome and finality. I love the journey, with all it's bumps and levels.
I hate the day after Christmas feeling. I have enjoyed the preparations and secrets and love and laughter. I have certainly enjoyed the company of my family. So the let down of January doldrums hits hard. No outdoor projects, no indoor decorations. Oh no! Here comes Abraham Lincoln saying I can be a happy as I have a mind to be. So a new writing project started makes me look forward to getting out of bed. The standard time makes pre dawn earlier. Or later. Anyway it is lighter sooner. The winter projects of painting and closet clearing, the walks taken later in the day, the meetings made because I am not working long hours outdoors, all these things have their season. So right now I am enjoying the quiet of my writing room and the steaming cup of tea I just steeped. Right now I am grateful that my breathing seems easier. Right now is a perfect place for me to be and I am enjoying it. Learning to live in the now is a gift, that appeals to me more and more. I believe that my higher power gave me the gift of recovery to have a life, and , if I let him handle the tiller, I handle the oars each day.
As usual take what you need and leave the rest. This brings hugs and love from me.
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