Hi Guys, Auds here, sober and abstinent, just for today, by the grace of God, this fellowship, and my own effort.
There is always so much to think about. My trip north means that I will be away from my computer for too long. I will have to drive for long hours on scary roads. My dogs will be a burden for my daughter who will care for them while I am gone. To tell the truth, I hate travel. I always look forward to travel when in the planning stage, but as the time grows short and the plans become reality I start to think I don't want to go.
For years I lived most of the time in New Jersey as I trained horses for my cousins who had Jersey breeds. I had a great group of close friends, a good job, and plenty of peace and serenity. BUT, I missed my farm, my grandchildren, my children etc. Still it was difficult to get away and visit my own home in Maryland.
What has this to do with gratitude? Here is today's quote.
"Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside.Hmmmm! As I look out of my office window, the sun is just rising. There is a streak of sunlight hitting the picket fence I built when I couldn't afford contractors. That sunlit patch changes the color of the grass where it hits. I am not trying to make any profound statement here but the grass is the same grass it was ten minutes ago when not illuminated by the first sun rays. The fence is still the same fence and the garden flag which just peeks over the top of that fence is the same flag I was unable to see until the light shone on it.
No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for."
Barry Neil Kaufman.
So now my gratitude for this piece of heaven on earth is in full swing. I thank God for the things I couldn't see ten minutes ago. Hmmmm!
My higher power must surely have a sense of humor to put up with me. I am constantly saying why? Then when I notice the answer has been there all along I say. Thank you, Thank you Thank you.
This doesn't stop me from the same behavior following a period of gratitude.
So back to the trip. Just for Today I will know that if my Higher power intends for me to make this trip he will send me on the roads he intends for me to take.
How many times have I dictated a Santa Claus list to my higher power only to resent him when he is slow to fill it, or doesn't fill it at all. How many times have I found out that God knows better than I do what makes me happy. How many times have I thanked God in retrospect for those things I didn't want that he gave me. I always say that faith comes with mileage.
I will be glad to see my friends in New Jersey and share their experience strength and hope. I will be glad to feel the love that is so freely given to me by my sister's children and grandchildren. I will have an opportunity to spend time with those I love and see too infrequently. I will have time to meditate on my drive, the silence of the car windows closed (thank you, Go, for temperature control) helps me find the well spring inside me.
Here is a small miracle, an unexpected phone call.
Thank you Lord that my friend and sponsor who was going to travel with me just canceled. I am not glad that she pulled a ham string but I am grateful that the trip has been shortened by three days and eight hours of driving.
My daughter and grandson never mind taking care of my dogs and the dogs are happy to stay at home and not in a kennel. Hmmm am I getting the hang of this gratitude thing? Just for today I see the wonder of acceptance. Serenity comes with acceptance, followed by gratitude for my higher power doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I didn't want to disappoint Florence by telling her I had bitten off more than I could chew. My ego told me I could do all things, my intellect told me I was trying to do too much. My higher power fixed it.
Tomorrow I go to a seven o'clock in the morning meeting that is one hour away from me. It is an anniversary meeting for my cousin's wife. What do you want to bet that I am filled with food for thought and gratitude as I make my way up the road to New Jersey, after that meeting?
My journey in recovery is like this letter. Fear of things made fearful by lack of faith. Rejoicing in those very things when the light of reason makes them doable. Gratitude that my higher power gives me the ability to see the way when I ask him. That God can and will if he is sought, make my life a great and joyous journey.
Know that this brings you hugs, and that God loves you and so do I.
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