TRG SPEAKER PROGRAM
Personal Stories of Recovery
~ Nancy ~
Thank you for inviting me to be the guest speaker for you today. I appreciate the opportunity to share with you how my struggles landed me in OA. The loops are a great opportunity to share. I am a member of two support groups and sponsor on WTS. There is always insight and ESH on the loops. I thought of a BB passage that best describes my journey - I have to claim my seat, and tell you that I am not there yet, but my goal is:
We are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relyhing upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we thnink He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity." (AABB Page 68)
I know that this is where HP wants me to be - calls me to be. But I, in my "infinite wisdom" am still on the road there. It has been a long journey and being a part of the recovery movement has been a blessing on that journey.
I had a childhood that has left me needing emotional healing - mine was more emotional neglect that left me feeling that I had to take care of myself, because, as a great OA friend of mine said at one of my first OA meetings, "I felt that I didn't have a right to be here" - in this "world" - I felt that I had to survive on my own emotionally, and that was the pain that creates all the fear that takes its toll in life. I managed throughout childhood - did well in school, but married an emotionally dependent/wounded person. What I later learned was, I, in my unconscious reasoning, thought, "if he needs me (emotionally) he won't leave me" - we could help each other - wrong. When my son was 12, we divorced and I knew that I had to "survive" on my own and I did - and financially did well with my son. I was also a good mom (not perfect) but he is now a wonderful 36 yr. old dad himself - with great insight and learning every day.
I'm now 61 and in the last several years the weight crept up. I was using sugar and chocolate, esp., to self - soothe and I knew it. I had another major transition when I moved to where my son and family now live and the addiction became worse with all the stress of a move, all new things in my life and work. I made a commitment to look at OA. Now, mind you, I'd tried every other diet in the book and thought I could do it "by myself " first - wrong again. But I work in the recovery field (Counselor for Drug Court) and I knew the value of AA/NA etc., so I felt OA was an option. Now, when I started in OA I still tried to do it "my way" for about a month or so- until I went to a Beginner's meeting and met my first sponsor. She helped me see that I did really have to give up my trigger foods. I emailed her by food commitment every day and in 6 months I'd lost the 25 lbs that I needed to be for maintenance and a healthy weight. I also did The Steps on WTS with an on-line sponsor. I attend face-to-face meetings every week, meditate every day, walk 25 minutes a day (5 days a week) and continue to do all the footwork on the food plan, service and Program. I have a f2f sponsor and report my food daily by email to her. I am healing and learning to trust HP and feel safe. Letting go of the fear is still a process - but I have come a long way in one year.
I invite you to talk about healing the fear and Trusting HP and how that will help you know the promises of the Program and the BB. Thank you for inviting me to share as your guest speaker. I'll keep checking in, as they said, for several days. Enjoy your OA Friends Loop and each other. It is all part of the healing that HP has in store for us when we, "let go and let God.
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