If you cannot mold yourself to such as you would wish, how can you expect others to be entirely to your liking?
    . . . Thomas `a Kempis

Compulsive overeaters come from every age group, socioeconomic group, race, color, creed, sexual orientation, and so on. No two of us are alike. The Twelfth Tradition teaches us to place principles before personalities. This is one of the traditions by which our program either lives or dies. Because we are so very different, we are going to have varying opinions -- sometimes almost explosively different opinions -- on issues affecting our fellowship as a whole. When those times arise, it is essential that we remember to place principles before personalities.

When I served on my first Group Conscience Committee, our home group called it "serving our one-year sentence." It was a hard year and it was difficult to get much business done because it was difficult to get people to agree on much business. But it was just the experience I needed in practicing the Twelfth Tradition in my life. Always remembering that Tradition, I did my best to not allow personalities to clutter my decision-making process in the committee. The principles of the program are set forth in the Steps. They are principles such as: honesty, faith, forgiveness, trust, hope, courage, willingness and humility. As we work to embody these principles by working the Steps in our lives, we reduce the chance that issues affecting our fellowship will divide us. It will be easier to look beyond the perceived faults of others and to see the needs of the fellowship and the good of the whole.
ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I will look past my OA members' perceived faults and see the needs of the fellowship.

~ Carolyn H.

UNITY

"The first tradition of unity reminds us of an important truth. We are not alone. We are connected to our fellow human beings. Our emotional and spiritual health depends upon the health of our relationships. The disease of compulsive eating which once isolated us has now led us here."
    ~ OA's The 12 Steps & 12 Traditions, Page 117

SERVICE

"Coming together is the beginning,
keeping together is progress,
working together is success"
    ~ Henry Ford
(July 30, 1863 - April 7, 1947) Founder of the Ford Motor Company and father of the modern assembly line used in mass production.

LOYALTY

"The greater the loyalty of a group toward the group, the greater is the motivation among the members to achieve the goals of the group, and the greater the probability that the group will achieve its goals."
    ~ Rensis Likert
(1903-1981) American educator and organization psychologist

TENACITY

"Tenacity is a pretty fair substitute for bravery, and the best form of tenacity I know is expressed in a Danish fur trapper's principle" "The next mile is the only one a person really has to make."
    ~ Eric Sevareid quotes (American Journalist, 1912-1992)
(1912-1992) Intellectual, analytical, adventurous and controversial American journalist.

FOUNDER'S CORNER ~ SEASONS ~

I think of the seasons as times of renewal ... all kinds of renewals. In winter, we have the opportunity to go within. In many places it is cold and our homes are warm and conducive to being in a comfortable place for soul searching. Spring brings with it the expectancy of beginnings. We venture outside, marvel at nature and see rebirth all around us. We can internalize this and shake our feathers and proceed anew. Summer is a lazy time ... we all need to be lazy sometimes. We go into a low gear and we begin to have an attitude of play and fun and frivolity. Autumn is one of my favorite seasons. Each of the leaves on the trees that surround me are as a beautiful summer flower ... equally as pretty ... equally a miracle. I am motivated to begin projects in Autumn ... to see fruition of work begun in other seasons.

I read once that if someone were a bird, they would fly around all over the earth and find the autumns of the world. This is the way I feel about my autumns and if I were a bird, I would do exactly the same thing.

@-}-}-}------

Happy September, Loop Buds,
Mari

On October 1, a new kind of support group will begin. This E-Mail 12 Step loop for compulsive eaters will have the exact protocol as an OA Meeting. There will be no crosstalk, no responses to the shares of members and only conference approved and Recovery literature. All members will be asked to share just as if they were standing in front of a face-to-face group sharing with them. An appropriate share uses the "I" word, tells how things used to be in the disease, what happened when the 12 Steps were incorporated into our lives and how things are now as a result. When an Oasis member wants to respond to a member's share, they will be asked to do so privately.

More information about this special new OA Meeting Loop will be sent to you as October approaches.

A time comes in your life when you finally get it ... when in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers ... and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children,or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view and you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world ... and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love, romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.

You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love ... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms ... just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely. And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5, 6 ft. tall, or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK ... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want ... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch ... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to carefor it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve ... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, fear itself.

You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state -- the ego. You learn those negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and to make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart's desire. And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life that you want to live as best as you can.

Virginia S. ~

From TRG Adminstration (TRGAdm):

Just what is it the administrators of The Recovery Group do on a daily basis?

Each of us receives approximately 150 to 200 emails a day. Some need to be approved, some are questions, some are from loops that are having short term concerns, some are from business loops.

We answer members' questions and make note of any concerns or comments you may have.

We forward needed information to the Division Coordinators and various business loop administrators. We do background work for the various workshops and studies that are available here at our recovery home. We gather and file statisical information and Dodee answers some of the technical questions.

We are also a part of the Executive Committee where all decisions having to do with The Recovery Group are discussed and voted on.

But the very best part of our job is getting to know you, the Trusted Servants and members of The Recovery Group.

The Recovery Loops Division is made up of TRG's Twelve-step general sharing support groups. Our common mission is to provide a safe and supportive space for anyone who wants to recover from the disease of compulsive eating to share their experience, strength, and hope with others. In addition, some of these loops also have a special focus.

The loops that make up this Division are: Anorexia and Bulimia, The Big Book, 200 Plus, Journey to Recovery, Meditations, OA Friends, OA Newcomers, OA Recovery, Relapse, Sponsor-Sponsee-Talk, Working the Steps ("WTS"), and WTS Weekly.

Several of the Recovery Group Loops are in need of a second coordinator or coordinator-in-training to help balance the workload.

I hope some of you will consider this opportunity to give service. If you are interested in becoming a coordinator or coordinator in training for one of the Recovery Group Loops, please contact me at: cheryl_stanley "at" msn.com.

Cheryl S., Chair
The Recovery Group Loops Division

THE PRIVILEGE OF SPONSORING

It's a privilege to sponsor someone. And it's one of the ways we stay in recovery and work our 12th step on a daily basis.

Serving as a sponsor reinforces our physical, emotional and spiritual recovery. It also provides an opportunity to strengthen our relationship with another and our Higher Power. Sponsoring stops us isolating and teaches us how to be supportive of another human being seeking recovery.

As stated in tradition five, carrying the message of recovery is OA's primary purpose. A sponsor is an OA member who shares this message - and her or his own program of recovery - on an ongoing, individual basis with another member, called a sponsoree.

May we, Sponsor and Sponsee, be protected together.
May we enjoy the fruits of selfless service.
May we always be connected to our own Inner Joy and Peace.
May the Wisdom within our Spirits be full of Light.
May we always share our LOVE with one another.

"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."
    . . . Alexander Pope

Most of my life I had spent in blaming others for all the bad things that happened in my life, and I never learned to take responsibilty for my part in anything. I thought that life had treated me unfairly, but mostly it was because someone else had wronged me. I wallowed in self pity and justifiable anger, and not surprisingly, I found comfort in food so I could get through the pain of being treated so badly by others.

When I came into the program and began working the steps, I was horrified to learn that I was expected to do a searching and fearless inventory of my wrongdoings, for after all wasn't it others who had harmed me and not the other way around? Slowly I realised that I had a part to play in all the events in my life, and that only by clearing up the wreckage of my past and keeping my side of the street clean, did I have any hope of recovery. I had to swallow my pride and admit when I was wrong, and when I did that, miracles began to happen. Instead of feeling hard done by and bad about myself as I had thought I would, the exact opposite happened, and I started on a journey of growth and increasing self esteem that never ceases to surprise me. When I am able to admit that I'm wrong and apologise for my part in any conflict or misunderstanding, without expectation of anything back from the other person, I strengthen my recovery in this program.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I will admit my mistakes whether I believe that the fault is mine or not, because that is the way that I grow in my recovery.

~ Sharon

We have completed 365 original meditations, and have appointed a committee to find a publisher for what we feel will become a special resource for those working a 12-Step program. Please get in touch with the committee if you can provide information about publishers.

Contact: lvillesvik"at"hotmail.com,
Chair of the Recovery Meditations Publications Committee.

Hello! I am Catherine (aka TRGCatherine), and I am a recovering Compulsive Overeater.

I joined OA and TRG the beginning of June. I was surfing the Internet, and while I do not remember if it was for anything specific, the next thing I knew I was at OA.org and TheRecoveryGroup.org. I had been searching for spiritual direction for a few years, and on that day in June, I found it within this program. I fully believe my HP led me to this wonderful fellowship.

I have just begun my path of recovery, but I have also fully immersed myself in the program. The miracles and blessings have already started for me. I am participating in the Newcomers Loop 12-week class that began on July 1st. It is a fantastic learning tool for newcomers. Every week of the 12-week period we discuss a different topic related to OA and TRG. I am listed as a TRG Buddy, which has brought about several wonderful recovery relationships. I normally attend one online meeting a day and attend at least one local f2f meeting a week. I have started leading one TRG online meeting per week as well.

I have grown so much from fellow OAs in meetings. I love that I can take what works for me and leave the rest. My abstinence plan is multi-faceted to include physical, emotional, and spiritual components to help guide me away from compulsive overeating. While I know it is not prefect, it is progress in the right direction. I do find that when I track something too closely, I am caught up in the counting and I fail.

I have found that the fellowship, abstinence, literature, and all the tools of recovery have started to build a solid foundation of recovery for me. I am excited to be able to give back just a little bit of what has been given to me through service. All of these things have become part of my life and have helped me to avoid compulsively overeating. I pray to my HP daily to have the continued willingness to 'Keep Coming Back One Day at a Time.'

Catherine

Note: Newcomers meetings are Monday and Tuesday, 8PM EST and Thursday 10PM EST

I am 20 years old, and I have been in OA for a year and two months. Thank you OA for the life I could not have imagined when I was still in my compulsive overeating, starving, overexercising disease. The miracles are too numerous to count, and I know that more await.

Throughout my life, beginning in fourth grade with my first diet, I have been obsessed with food and weight. In high school and college I would binge in the morning, exercise it off the rest of the day, or vice versa. One day, alone in my dorm room after days of isolation and food, saying I was sick (how right I was), I got on my knees and said to whatever power there was, "I need help!" A few moments later, I discovered in a magazine an eating disorders hotline that referred me to OA.

Since my first meeting in OA, through no will of my own, I have been gratefully abstinent, even through a year living abroad and my sister's wedding. My relationships are better, my fears are lifted and my dreams are rediscovered. I thank OA and my Higher Power. I am a member for life!

~ SLIM IN SEATTLE ~

     (WARNING: Off-topic Dieting Discussed)
      Editor's Note: A humorous account of a COE who has never heard of the Twelve Steps; true Story.

MY PLAN

PART A:

The first thing I do every morning is to check my weight. If I like the reading then I stop. If I don't like the reading then I move the scale to a different place on the floor and try again. If this doesn't help then I give the scale a small kick to let it know that I am not happy. If this doesn't work then I step quickly up and down on the scale so that the reading only goes up to a maximum of approximately 114.

If this doesn't work then I grab the scale and shake it with a little more vigor than the kick. If this doesn't work then I choose the lowest of all my readings and write that as my weight for the day. If I can't live with this final reading then I give the scale a final hard kick, and then I snarl a few dirty words at it. By then I have become irritable enough to remember not to eat very much that day.

~ FROM THE TWELVE-STEP LITERATURE ~

"We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill. Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem. We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds. We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain's table. Unlike the feelings of the ship's passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined."

The Big Book, Page 17