Dear God,

Good morning and thanks for the beginning of a new day in abstinence. What is done with this gift I leave to You and I will do my part. BRB. I've been meaning to speak with You about this system of expelling things after drinking. It is very inconvenient, although it does give a chance to refill the coffee mug. Oh well, guess I'll just have to live with it. When my eyes opened this brand new day there was some debris left over from the ball game last night and while I am now at peace with this it bears airing.

Anthony (7), R.J. (6) and I were joined by several other gramps and dads at the ball park. When our national anthem was played three very large young men remained seated. Anger was swift and my mouth let them know they were being disrespectful. I was ready to go to battle right there and almost forgot there were children to protect. Besides I'm old, fat and out of fighting trim. Calmer heads prevailed; however, a pall settled over what should have been a nice outing. So this morning I wake up with the question in my fuzzy brain, did I do the right thing?

When I read the "Today's Thought" from Hazeldon, my question was answered. A phone call from another gramps furthered the answer. Several small boys and maybe some dads learned that it is not ok to stand by and ignore bad behavior. Evil and people who do it are a small pitiful bunch and cannot exist but for good people who remain silent. Silence is not one of my defects. I am confronted every day with decisions and choices, some with no clear cut or black and white way to go. These are the hard choices and time for meditation and this I do most of the time.

The woman You sent to run my life is due home today with her sister in tow. She is a sweetie and nice to have around (really good cook) so a special looking after for them while driving home. You might watch over my family, friends, fellow loopies, those who still are stuck on Step Four, the Jets, Giants, Bills and all the NFL. Please include the people I don't like also. Another football season ... another reason to rejoice. The wisdom to know and power to do Your will is needed ... just for today.

Before I joined Overeaters Anonymous in 1989, I had my favorite foods and flavors. I always went to my favorite flavors first, but when they weren't available, I found a second, third or fourth choice. Regardless of taste, I went to any length to get my food.

The same is true for me now, but the difference is that instead of choosing food, I turn to my tools, Steps and Traditions.

As with my favorite food flavors, I have favorite OA tools. Some are easier, safer or more satisfying for me to perform, but all eight tools are always there, waiting for me to choose recovery rather than destruction.

Even within the tools I have my favorite flavors. There are some meetings that I prefer to attend, some OA literature that has special meaning for me, some people I call first. When my favorite flavor isn't available, I have a second, third or fourth choice.

I may not be able to attend my favorite meeting if I'm busy, but another meeting is usually available to me. I may not be able to attend a meeting if I'm away, yet I can always pack my OA literature. If I can't find a phone, I can always write. So it goes with each tool-while I have my favorites, there is always another choice. Today, the many flavors of OA (tools, Steps and Traditions) are always there for me, regardless of time or place. If I continue to go to any length, not only will I choose recovery, I will also see my program flourish. That is better than any flavor before OA!

- T.C., Woburn, Massachusetts USA, reprinted from Lifeline, May 2001, Volume 29, No. 5.

The members and trusted servants of the Recovery Group take pride in presenting to you their original recovery reflections and meditations relating to the 12 Steps. This is a work in progress and will be completed when the Committee reviews, edits and chooses 365 of what we hope will be the most inspired collection of the experience, strength and hope of compulsive eaters ever put together.

The completed project will be published and bound in a leather-like cover with a gold Recovery logo and matching satin bookmark. The ends of the pages will be golden and the working title of the book is Recovery Meditations ~ One Day at a Time. Beautiful color photos of nature will introduce each month's reflections. It is our prayer that we can find the resources to publish and distribute this book at no cost to Recovery members and that it will reach and inspire COEs from one end of our world to the other.

This ambitious project is a labor of love. Members in more than 100 recovery loops and meetings are submitting their very best to us. With God's help, we will one day have this complete for you on the Recovery website, in a beautiful hard copy book and possibly even on audio for those who have difficulty in reading the written word.

If you would like to take part in this collective effort, please send your submission to us at All submissions become the property of the Recovery Group and no names will be used in the publication. As each completed entry is approved, it will find a resting place on our beautiful website until it's time to go to the publisher to be joined by 364 others.

Feelings

I used to pride myself on being able to think my way through many a thing, a character trait that has done me more harm than good! In my pre-OA days, there were many emotions that I just found impossible to process. One of them was grief. In my childhood years, I grew up in an environment where many of those close to me died, and rather than express the sadness, I was taught to maintain the stiff upper lip and show the world that all is ok. I built the strongest mask and a big layer of fat to shield me from the grief. I used sugar to suppress those rising sobs and I used my bulimia to express the sharp pain and hurt that was deep in my heart.

In the early days of my recovery, at the first sign of any pain and suffering, I would run for cover, under a layer of calories. I could maintain my abstinence for a while, but I just could not make it through the hard times. At the first sign of raw, harsh emotions, I would start to white knuckle it. But it wasn't the food I was white knuckling it with, I was white knuckling it with the Program. I became totally self absorbed, I became a victim, I stopped doing all the things I needed to do to keep living and to stay abstinent - committing my food, writing to my sponsor and most importantly, maintaining my conscious contact with the God of my understanding.

This evening I sit and contemplate the last few months. They have been months of both sadness and joy. I have had personal tragedies as two very dear people in my life have died and my mother has been diagnosed with a progressive degenerative illness. And then this week, we have had a world tragedy, one that had touched so many lives, with the enormity of the tragedy, the pain, the suffering and the loss. I have sat transfixed to the TV watching over and over again the tragic events and feel totally powerless in such a situation. I feel the pain of the families, the anger towards the terrorists, the fear of the world and the quest for peace. I look at the faces around me and I see the shock that such a thing can happen in a peaceful country. And I sit amazed at what this Program gives me. It has taught me how to feel, has given me the freedom to let down that mask and express what is inside me, rather than burying it alive. It has shown me that I can work through these feelings and that they won't paralyse me. And it has shown me, that all I need to do at times like this, is to keep holding on to my safety net - and that safety net is no longer the food, but my Higher Power. I used to control so much, but I know that I need a power greater than me to control these things in life - death, tragedies, illness - they are all out of my control and when I stop hanging on, I can move through and let my Higher Power show me the way - cause I have no idea!!!

NOW

Hi ... Robin here ... and I am a compulsive overeater ... I am grateful that I have life today ... that I woke up and have another chance to live my life here in this body. I think of all of those people who had no idea that their lives would end that tragic day when the planes hit the World Trade Center, Pentagon, and in Pittsburgh ... that it would happen so quickly and painfully ... and how they probably would have done some things differently had they known. I heard in a meeting about how life is so precious. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow or even 5 minutes from now ... So, today, I am thankful for NOW.

In the clutches of my disease, I get caught up in perfectionism ... that all or nothing thinking that always seems to get me into trouble. Because of this perfectionism, I began purging again this week ... rationalizing (but certainly knowing better) that it would somehow make what I ate that was not on my plan of eating "ok" ... This is the insane thinking that comes with my disease. I don't have to be perfect ... all I have to do is progress. I cannot reverse anything that I did in the past, and I do mean the past as in minutes, hours, weeks, months, OR years ago. All I have is NOW ... if I can be abstinent right NOW ... that is all that matters ... because that is all that I have. The future is uncertain and the past is over. Today, I admit that I am powerless over my food addiction and that my life has become unmanageable. I believe that my HP can and will restore me to sanity. I make a decision RIGHT NOW to turn my will and my life over to the care of God of my understanding. I commit to being Spirit-led as much as possible today. I commit to getting on my knees at least once ... even if it is just to say ... thank you GOMU for allowing me to be here one more minute so that I can be an instrument of faith, love, and service to my fellows.

A True Test of My Spiritual Fitness

Our world has seen trouble beyond anything I'd expected to see in my lifetime, and the trauma of these recent horrendous events has left me temporary bereft of the serenity and peace of mind I had gained since coming to this program. These gains had come about as a result of working the 12 steps to the best of my ability and from maintaining abstinence from compulsive overeating. Where love once dwelled, hatred now fights for residency. Instead of joy, I feel anger. My willingness to live and let live has been replaced with an appetite for vengeance, destruction, and death. Contentment has turned to resentment. And, not surprisingly, the food is once again calling out to me.

But do I deserve having the food calling to me? Is not my anger justified? Don't I have righteousness on my side? Weren't we, collectively, innocent victims of an evil madman? Haven't we been wronged so deeply that nothing short of eye for an eye justice can make it right again? Does not the fact that my single voice joins a unanimous and inarguable chorus of objection provide invulnerability to my disease?

Our literature tells us that resentments have the power to kill and it makes no distinction between resentments that are well deserved and those based on an illusion. When we harbor resentments, no matter what the cause, we close ourselves off from the spirit and the insanity returns, and with the insanity comes compulsive overeating. But these acts committed against us were so terrible; why would I want to let go of my resentment? Aren't some offenses unforgivable? In view of what has happened, how could I ever be expected to find forgiveness for these people?

Why do I fear forgiveness? Am I afraid that offering forgiveness softens my claim to having been wronged, that it lets the offenders off the hook? Did I not buy a t-shirt today featuring our flag and emblazoned with the words, "We Are Not Afraid?"

An emotional dilemma of epic proportion confronts me upon reading the words of wisdom on page 552 of our beloved Big Book. It suggests that if I have a resentment against someone, and that if I want to be free and live again, that I should subject myself in prayer and ask that the object of my resentment be given all the happiness and good fortune that I'd gladly bestow on myself or a loved one. It asks that I do it daily for two weeks if need be. It tells me that I don't even have to mean it, that my words can be hollow and void of sincerity, but that I am to do it anyway.

So this is the true test of my spiritual fitness. All it requires is an action, not an attitude. Can I do it? Am I willing to do it? Can I say the words?

Love,
Thumper

September 15th, 2001

The weather in England has turned damp and subsequently the pathway to the door of our home is strewn with slugs and snails. I have watched these creatures meandering their way across the path, their progress is tediously slow, and from where I am standing their world seems small and yet their journey immense.

To these slugs and snails, however, every slow and contemplated moment must seem as significant as the next, their world being only what lies in front of them at any given moment.

They know nothing else but how to be themselves, in spite of what mayhem is occurring around them!

This is where I am at today and have been ever since the atrocities of Tuesday 11th September, a day that neither I nor the rest of the world will forget. I do what is required of me in my every day life. I go to work, although yesterday was my last day; I stock our cupboards and freezer shelves, I run my Beaver Scout colony and attend my church meetings. I live my program the best way I know how and seek God's guidance every step of the way. To all intents and purposes I am who I am meant to be at any given moment. Yet inside I am screaming for it all to stop so that I can pay my respects to those who so savagely died at the hands of some pretty sick and inhumane people.

I feel guilty that my life continues, that I am required to be who and what I am. I feel shame in sharing my life with you all because it is so insignificant compared to the shattered lives of people from all over the globe, yet I share because despite what I am feeling, I am who I am and know no other way to be.

The world is forever changed, the lives of thousands are forever distorted and my life is forever altered. The only thing I can do is continue with this new strength and resolve to make the world a better place, in the best way I know how.

Today I feel sad, angry, and yet resolved to seek a better world if for nothing else but in the memory of those who perished. I owe it to God, I owe it to them, I owe it to you and I owe it to me to be the best me I can be and to prove that but for a handful -- and in comparison to the population of the globe it is a handful -- but for a handful of twisted and distorted people this world is my world, your world and our world and I will not be chained, I will not imprisoned and I will not be forced to think, worship or live a life any other than the one I have now which is free and will ALWAYS be free, so help me God.

God Bless America
God Bless the World and its people
God Bless me!

SueG

~ FROM THE LITERATURE ~

The Promises from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity.
And we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our
experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain insight in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook will change.
Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

~ Reflections on The Twelve Steps of Recovery ~

I believe deep down in my heart of hearts that I used to think that there would be a permanent recovery to my addiction. I don't like to admit that I thought that now but I'm sure I did. Much like when I started working the steps. I thought that when I finished working the Twelve Steps of OA that I was, more or less, finished for good. HA! What I realized was that I had "finished" something that was never-ending. Furthermore, I had barely begun.

I have stopped typing for a minute and asked myself if I can think of anything in this world that is truly permanent. I BELIEVE THE ONLY THING THAT CAN GIVE ME ANY MEASURE OF PERMANENCE IS WORKING MY PROGRAM ONE DAY AT A TIME. And so, today I'm committing myself to accepting that fact. Between that and powerlessness there is sanity.

Each day as I bump into a problem (and these days there are many), I use the same methods I used in working the 4th step to do my 10th step inventory. In doing so I notice the same character defects seem to be popping up and by doing a daily inventory, it gives me a chance to work on these character defects. It's sort of like killing two birds with one stone (God ... I just thought how awful that old cliche is ... I will never use it again ... birds are a big part of our life on this island). Anyway, the opportunity to note what I'm doing wrong in my life, seeing one's character defects each day and relating that to a wrong-doing accomplishes two purposes: (1) Correct the CD and there's less I will do wrong, and (2) the fewer things I do wrong, the fewer amends I will have to make.

I've taken my inventory today and I've seen some things I've done wrong. I've already made one phone call and written two personal letters. I have yet another personal letter to write and the day isn't half over. But for today ... at least the rest of it ... I'm going to be very aware of my CDs and I'm going to try to do things right ........ so that tomorrow when I wake up, I'll have less inventory than I had this morning.

Dear God,
Please help me
wake up in the morning
with a happy heart and
a lighter inventory.