My name is Cathy Perkins or TRGCathyAZ. I joined OA in March 2005. I have been with TRG since May 2005. I am a compulsive eater and incest survivor. I can remember using food when I was very young. Bread and brown sugar sandwiches were one of my first foods I used to cope with the endless sexual, physical, emotional and psychological abuse I suffered at the hands of my father and others. Food was always available. My mom treated any of our hurts, physical or otherwise, with food. I received a pound bag of M&Ms when I broke my arm at age six. My mom was also diabetic, and became diabetic when she was pregnant with me. I was blamed for that, and was never allowed to forget it.

The double message I received while growing up was to clean your plate. I remember sitting there for hours, because I refused to eat everything on my plate. Yet when I became overweight as a result of the medicating myself with food, I was criticized and shamed severely.

My older sister gained weight early in her life. I was thin until into my teens. Our table was a battleground, and I don't remember much about it other than it was very stressful. I left for college and continued using food to medicate and take the edge off of my feelings. I knew no other coping skills. I remember feeling overwhelmed and anxious, and was diagnosed with free-floating anxiety. I married and put on even more weight. My husband did not like this, but accepted me. My feelings of self-loathing only increased with the years. I hated to look at myself in mirrors, and was ashamed to be seen with my children. I miscarried at 5 months and was already so overweight that the nurses thought I was full term. I hated going to parent teacher night. I didn't fit into the desks. I felt ridiculed. Still I ate.

I lost and gained back so many pounds. I went into therapy when I started remembering the abuse. But it wasn't until my daughter got into her later middle school years that were so tumultuous that I once again went into therapy. I went to fix her and ended up saving myself. I learned so much about myself in therapy. I worked through flashbacks and painful memories. Then, one day, I was talking with a co-worker who needed someone to join a gym with her, and we would get a great rate each month. I said sure. I have lost over 50 pounds and she has not lost any. She never went to the gym and I stuck it out. It was not coincidental that I joined. I believe it was my Higher Power. My therapist is a recovering addict. He introduced me to the 12 Steps. I loved the idea of working them. They seemed to feel right for me. I worked through them with my sponsor. And then we began to tackle my weight issues. It took long hard hours but I worked on my trust issues, and worth issues. It was only then that I began to get it. I found online meetings of the Recovery Group one night while searching for information about overeating and the rest is history.

I have never felt more peace than I have after working my Steps and doing service by leading an online meeting and being co-coordinator of an online support group for people who have been abused during their childhood and sometimes later on. I have found my voice. I am using it to help others help themselves.

I know I cannot do this alone.There is a vast network of support out there for us. I am thankful beyond words for OA and The Recovery Group.

A survey among web visitors to the Recovery Website shows some interesting statistics:

1. Are you overweight?
   • 96% responded: Yes.
     
   • 4% reponded: No.
     
2. How much weight do you want to lose?
   • 37% responded: 25-50 pounds
     
   • 35% responded: 50-100 pounds
     
   • 24% responded: 100-200 pounds
     
   • 3% responded: 200-300 pounds
     
   • 1% responded: 300-500+ pounds
     
3. Do you have an individual plan of eating?
   
   • 43% responded: yes
     
   • 57% responded: no
     
4. Do you have a sponsor?
   
   • 19% responded: yes
     
   • 81% responded: no
     
5. Has weight affected your general health?
   
   • 78% responded: yes
     
   • 22% responded: no
     
6. Are you a member of the recovery group?
   
   • 33% responded: yes
     
   • 67% responded: no
     

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "Thank you," that would suffice."
     ~Meister Eckhart

I spent most of my life blaming my circumstances and those around me for the way I felt, for my eating problem and for my terrible life in general. There was nothing good in my life at all, and I viewed everything through a dark cloud of negativity. I couldn't see anything good in my life, and life became totally unbearable. Poor me, I thought. It really wasn't fair that I had been made to suffer the way I had, and I felt awash with self pity. The more sorry I felt for myself, the more I ate, and the more I ate, the worse I felt; it became a vicious circle.

When I was brought to my knees by this disease and came into the fellowship, I was forced to take stock and look honestly at my life. For the first time ever I considered the losses and difficult situations in my life that I had perceived as unfair and negative. In each case there had been amazing gains. For example, the car accident I'd been in hadn't been my fault at all. In fact, it became the catalyst that enabled me to change careers. One of the bereavements that I had, brought a wonderful and special friend into my life. And so it went.

Before, I had bemoaned my fate as a compulsive overeater. Now, I am actually grateful to be a compulsive overeater, because without my disease I never would have a wonderful program that helps me to live my life sanely and serenely, nor would I have all the very special people who love and support me through thick and thin.

One day at a time ...
I am grateful for all the wonderful miracles that have happened in my life as a result of this program ... may I never forget to thank my Higher Power for all these wonderful blessings.

~ Sharon S.

During 2006, the Recovery Group began a series of Workshops which we hope to continue in 2007. A large number of people attended three workshops and reported favorably on how each impacted them. Our workshops were:

• TRG SPONSORING WORKSHOP
• TRG COORDINATORS WORKSHOP
• THE TWELVE TRADITIONS WORKSHOP

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. The man continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle, required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength ....
      And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for Wisdom ....
      And God gave me Problems to solve.
I asked for Prosperity ....
      And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.
I asked for Courage ....
      And God gave me Danger to overcome.
I asked for Love ....
      And God gave me Troubled people to help.
I asked for Favors ....
      And God gave me Opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted ....
      I received everything I needed!

May your path be bright and full of light everywhere you go. And, I pray your feet will never stumble out of God's plan.

May the desires of your heart come true, And may you experience peace in everything you do. May Goodness, Kindness, and Mercy come your way. And, may you gain Wisdom and grow in God every day.

~ Author Unknown

The Diabetes One Day at a Time (ODAT) loop is dedicated to providing a recovery home for compulsive overeaters who also have diabetes. We have found that the combination of diabetes and compulsive overeating is a double-edged sword. These two diseases feed into each other in some very cunning and baffling ways. Our mission is to provide a safe and peaceful place where we can help each other to recover from compulsive overeating and, through abstinence and healthy planning, manage our diabetes by sharing our experience, strength and hope with one another.

The very special people on our loop not only work on their own recovery, but also strive to carry a message of hope and recovery to others. We try to help each other with information about how to protect our health in the face of diabetes and compulsive overeating, and how to develop our conscious contact with the God of our Understanding, by working the 12 steps of Overeaters Anonymous and practicing its principles in all our affairs. We strive to offer a home for recovery that is warm, inviting, safe and serene.

We are here to share with you and listen to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We talk about our physical, emotional and spiritual needs, and how we might use the program of Overeaters Anonymous to meet those needs. We use the tools of recovery -- one-on-one sponsors, online recovery meetings, literature, study loops, and other tools, as well as the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions -- to achieve the promises of a healthier, happier and more spiritually-fulfilled life of relief from compulsive overeating.

The only one requirement for membership in the loop is the sincere desire to stop eating compulsively. If you have this desire and would like to become part of our recovery family, we welcome you and look forward to walking the walk of recovery with you.

Subscription information:

I just noticed something as I was reflecting on today's "For Today" reading. I haven't watched TV in about a week, and I haven't had the urge to eat compulsively. But I have, in the past, noticed a connection between watching certain shows on TV, and then having a strong desire to eat compulsively. This morning's reading brought the connection to light again because of one line in today's passage:

"My food addiction was acquired so I could survive and cope in earlier, painful circumstances." I could relate to this line; however, when I thought about my life today, in the present, I asked myself, "What do I need to survive today?" The answer was, "life as it is without eating compulsively," and then I thought of TV.

Certain TV shows cause me to be distracted from reality or send me into a spiral of negativity. I have noticed that daytime dramas (soap operas) and nighttime dramas take me away from the present life I live - one of happiness, peace and serenity - and they throw me back into the chaos, pain and confusion of my life in the past. My life used to resemble a soap opera. When I watch these types of shows, I move far away from the reality of my life today, far away from the recovery I've made. While I'm watching the show, I forget where I am.

Talk shows also can affect me negatively. These shows take me back to an unhealthy lifestyle of gossip. This goes against what I am trying to achieve today - acceptance of others and myself, with love and understanding. These shows present the illusion that people are bad, corrupt and untrustworthy. I can't think like this and hope to recover in OA. I have also noticed that I am often comparing my body size and my looks to women on TV; this is not healthy for me. I compare myself, of course, to the women who are wearing size zero. I catch myself thinking about starving and over-exercising, and I totally forget about being happy with who I am.

I read an article recently that quoted an evolutionary psychiatrist's view that television can distort our self-perception. It said that humans naturally compete with others in our environment, and we compare our lives with "the fantasy lives we see on television." We become dissatisfied with ourselves, and even with our own families." OA's "Twelve and Twelve," on pages two and three, says, "Clearly, if we are to live free of the bondage of compulsive eating, we must abstain from all foods and eating behaviors which cause us problems."

For me, this also means that I have to refrain from certain behaviors that lead me to eat compulsively. Since I am an "all or nothing" person, my first thought normally would be, "That's it. No more TV." Thanks to OA, however, I have learned that I have choices, and I have chosen balance. I haven't given up entirely on TV. I have decided not to watch the shows that trigger the desire to eat compulsively.

I want to keep my abstinence (a little over three years), and I'm "willing to go to any lengths" to keep it.

- Reprinted from OA's "Lifeline" magazine

Sponsorship is one of the vital keys to success in OA and the Recovery Group. The sponsor maintains recovery from compulsive eating by sharing the Twelve Step program with others. The newcomer, in reaching out for help from a successful Recovery member, transcends the long-held idea that self-sufficiency must be maintained at all costs ~ and acquires a state of humility so necessary for the practice of the Twelve Steps. The sponsor and the newcomer benefit equally from the relationship. The best way to learn to be a sponsor is to have a sponsor. Methods of sponsorship vary from person to person, always remembering that a sponsor's primary responsibility is to help a sponsee take the 12 Steps. If you are ready to experience this JOY, please write to the contact address, below. We will be happy to help you get started.

May we, Sponsor and Sponsee, be protected together. May we enjoy the fruits of our selfless service. May we always be connected to our own Inner Joy and Peace. May the Wisdom within our Spirits Be full of Light. May we always share our LOVE with one another. The Recovery Group's "Sponsor" website, listed below, suggests many ways that are open to members who are seeking sponsorship. Our Sponsor Program keeps an up-to-date list of available sponsors and also has an up-to-date list of sponsor biographies.

With love and great JOY in service,
       Patt and Cate
       TRG Sponsor Coordinators

• What is the TRG "Topics Team?"

  The TRG Topics Team is made up of TRG members who like to write on recovery and related topics.

• What is the purpose of the Topics Team?

  The purpose of the Topics Team is to stimulate discussion on the loops.

• How does the Topics Team work?

  The Topics Team joins loops that are too quiet. Then one member of the team introduces a topic for the loop to consider. Another team member may respond, showing how one idea can lead to another, and so on.

• Why do we need a Topics Team?

  Because not all TRG members feel comfortable sending email to a loop. They need to see how things work. And if a loop becomes very quiet, new members never see how easy it is to jump in and share. So the Topics Team jumps in and shares to show folks how it is done.

• What can we do to help Topics Team?

  We can respond to topics of interest and hit "Send!" We don't even need to wait for a Topics Team topic to share. If we have questions about how or what to share, we can always ask our friendly loop coordinators.

• What is the overall objective of the Topics Team?

  The Topics Team is here to serve TRG, all of us, individually and collectively. It helps us to feel that TRG is a safe and fun place to interact with other Compulsive Overeaters. Sometimes we need help sharing. We get into a funk or forget that we are, each one of us, a fountain of experience, strength, and hope. We don't fully realize how much our shares can mean to others. Isn't it wonderful to read a share from a complete stranger, perhaps thousands of miles away, and say, "Hey, that's just what happened to me," or, "That is just how I feel!" But none of this glorious interaction can take place unless we participate. So participate we must! And your Topics Team is here to help.

We wish to thank Darci for her work on the this issue of Serendipity. Also a never-ending thank you to Marty, who for so many years has done so much for Serendipity, and who now sees that the issue is neat and permanently available to you on the Recovery Website.