~ SHARING WITH ONE ANOTHER IS SERVICE ~
A few days ago I read a post by a fellow loop member who
thanked someone for their share, saying, "It was exactly
what I needed to read!"
It struck me how many times I have seen just that kind of
reaction, even when the post they were referring to hadn't
stirred me very much. Of course, it didn't have to. Not
every post does, and that's the beauty of the OA program.
Just as in real-life meetings where a person's share can
bless one or many as God wills, every online post has the
potential to be a blessing to someone.
In face-to-face meetings, service opportunities are clear:
You can be a greeter, stack chairs, provide literature to
members, or keep them informed about meeting schedules.
In online groups, service opportunities are not as obvious.
However, each of us has an individual story, which, put into
the context of our common struggle with food, can make a
difference in someone's life.
Don't think that your part of the story doesn't count. Your
post will probably touch someone, and sharing it may even
touch you. Finding out that someone else is in the same
boat as I am always helps me realize I'm not alone, and
putting my thoughts and experiences into writing helps me
to see my situation more clearly.
I wrote the following poem to say thank you to those who
have and will continue to share their "experience, strength
and hope" unselfishly,
With love in recovery.
Keep coming back, and keep posting!
~ Donna
~ Compulsive Eaters and Portion Control ~
More is not better. Fast food restaurants are beginning to
realize that; however, most restaurants don't. There is an
obesity epidemic, and yet when we go to a restaurant, it
seems they have not yet heard the news. In this article,
buffets won't be discussed ... but for a compulsive eater
who is active in the disease, walking into the doors of a
restaurant serving a buffet can do great harm to a plan of
eating.
With the busy lifestyles of most of us now, it may be
necessary to eat out a lot. A typical restaurant portion
might be two or three servings, and that's before the rolls
and the chips ... before the dessert and all the other
extras.
Gleaned from health wire reports, here are some tips for
portion control. Take what you like and can use, and leave
the rest.
- Share everything - appetizers, entrees and, of course,
dessert.
- Split the entree and order an extra side salad.
- Ask for a lunch portion, even if it's dinnertime.
- Ask for a child's portion or a senior portion, even if
you're neither.
- Ask for a to-go box when the food arrives, not after you're
full. Then put half away for tomorrow before
you start to eat.
- Pause periodically during the meat and judge whether you
feel full. Many times compulsive eaters aren't aware of
that feeling automatically. Don't go by whether you've
cleaned your plate.
- If you know you're going out for dinner, eat small meals
during the day so you don't arrive at the restaurant hungry.
- Eat from a small plate, using your dinner plate as a
serving platter, and you won't feel as if you have to
finish it.
- Even if you start with a good portion plan, having a drink
or two may impair your resolve to carry it out.
~ Derek's Story ~
Hi, I'm Derek, and I'm a compulsive overeater. I can't ever
remember being "normal" with food. I always remember being
the biggest, even at junior school. One of my very early
memories (I was around 6 years old) is of walking home from
school and being bullied by an older boy - won't go into
details here - but the point is that after I made it home,
I know that I ate to "get over" it. In a way, that seemed to
be a pattern in my life - food was my friend and comforter.
This "friend" was with me always. As a lonely child,
isolated and never feeling part of the crowd, I turned to
food as an escape. I would bunk off school, and hide in my
bedroom with some "treats." Going to work, I discovered
booze as well, and though I'm not an alcoholic, I used booze
like I used food, to hide behind. I never felt I fit in at
work either - I always felt like an outsider who didn't
understand what "they" all understood. But (I admit now) I
was good at what I did, I got married and had 2 children, I
did all the stuff that people do, I bought all the things
that people buy. Eventually I was a middle manager with an
expense account in a busy job that took me to work in
Edinburgh (I live in London). I also had an ever-increasing
weight problem.
I have tried many diets, - all work, for a time - my first
diet was when I was 15. At that time I stopped eating sugar
for the first time. Looking back with hindsight, that was
one occasion where I forced myself to eat properly. Although
it felt good, I missed my "friend" and soon found ways of
sneaking back there.
In my 20's, my activity and stress levels were such that I
maintained my weight. At that time I was "large."
In my 30's, I yo-yoed a lot. When the stress was there, I
would lose weight, but then it would come on again
afterwards.
By my 40's, I was at the top end of "Extra Large," and I no
longer lost weight with stress, or maybe I didn't feel it
anymore. I did feel some stuff though, like self-loathing,
lack of worth, envy, hatred of others and myself. I had
burst through the psychological barrier where I could no
longer get clothes from "ordinary" shops, but had to go
instead to the specialist Bigger Man outfitters. It was
odd there, because I was not the biggest in that shop, an
unusual occurrence for me!
I had all but given up on diets at this stage. I did try the
Atkins Diet and lost 8 pounds in one week, but put on 12 the
next week. I started one more round of Weight Watchers for
Men, but that lasted about a day. I was a hopeless case. I
could not stop eating, I hated myself for doing it, I felt a
failure.
Then 18 months ago, someone on an on-line chat asked if I'd
heard of Overeaters Anonymous. I hadn't, but it had
occurred to me in the past that I was addicted to food, so
I went and found the website. You probably know it - there
are a set of 15 questions to answer, and it says, "If you
answered yes to more than three, you may have a problem with
food." I said yes to 14. For the record, the question I
answered "no" to was, "Have you ever been treated for a
food related condition?"
I went to other websites, found on-line meetings and e-mail
loops, eventually picked up the courage to go to a f2f
meeting. I soon found that when people started sharing their
stories, they would be telling my story! People who I would
have said had nothing in common with me (on the outside)
were EXACTLY like me (on the inside). I was Home :))))
Oh! it's not all been roses and a sudden transformation into
a Brad Pitt look-alike (although I'm working on that - LOL).
I wanted what I saw OA people had, but for a time I wasn't
willing to do what they did. I guess, as the BB says, I was
looking for an easier, softer way. But eventually, I got
more serious, got a sponsor, worked the steps to the best of
my ability. I found it easy enough to accept that I had an
obsession of the mind, but I doubted that I had an allergy
of the body. With my new self-knowledge, I could eat one
piece without it worrying me - I thought!
Actually, I am a hopeless addict - and I proved that to
myself one last time after the close of a project I was
working on (at least I pray it was the last time I need to
learn that lesson). I had spoken to my sponsor and assured
her that I would just have salad and some fish at the party
we were going to. But I didn't. I had something which I now
see is a trigger food. After taking this first compulsive
bite, I went on my final (I pray to my HP) binge. The next
day I woke with a food hangover, feeling like crap, and
knowing that I had to get serious about this or I was
doomed. That was almost six months ago (October 28th is my
six month Abstinent birthday!!)
Today I can see the Promises coming true in my life. I am
making friends and my relationships are improving. Since
being in program I have lost 40 pounds, gained a Higher
Power who loves me unconditionally, been to meetings,
retreats and conventions. I have people in my life who love
me and who I love. I've even found that I can love people I
don't even like very much! I HAVE found a new freedom and a
new happiness. I give service whenever I can, because it is
insurance against the time when I might think that a Bacon
Double Cheeseburger and Large Fries will solve a problem, or
if I ever think that "just one" is an option for me.
You know, just last weekend, my son brought in one of those
large bars of chocolate and left it open on the table for
all to share (he's a good kid, really!). None of it got into
my mouth, and it was there for a whole week before the three
normal eaters in my house finished it. That is amazing. And
it wasn't a struggle for me not to sneak it - it was not
mine to eat. I am at last willing for my HP to take away my
food obsession. All I need to do is the footwork for not
taking it back!
For anyone who has made real all the way down here, thank
you for being such an important part of my recovery.
I love you guys,
Derek

~ RECOVERY WRITERS' SERIES ~
~ Sexuality ~
The Body
My Body - a Wasteland,
A place of neglect, of abuse
of uncaring indifference where
nothing grew except to grow
larger, each day.
In some small places creativity
tried to seep through the cracked and
useless earth, in the forms of Poetry,
of Writing, of Painting and other Art Forms,
But these moments were short-lived in
a place of such annihilation, of despair and
total neglect.
Then came a day - when a new Light began to Dawn,
A new Understanding of this wasteland,
An Understanding that whatever is created is
Created from Love, and
that even This Place has something of value,
something of worth,
And a Reclamation began - a reclamation of
this wasteland I call my body.
A recognition of the true Beauty that has been
there for all of my life,
And a recognition that the responsibilty for
the neglect, was mine,
And the responsibility for
the Reclamation was mine -
And no one except my Creator and I
Could do this for me.
So in Gratitude I begin,
this day and every day that comes,
To water and to feed, to nourish and to
Love, to care for and to cherish this
Remarkable Body.
This Body - No Longer a Wasteland.
Lynda G.
Dear Friends ~
I was touched when I read the above poem written by a
compulsive eater who had endured what many of us have
with our perception of our bodies. It has taken me many
decades to be able to write the words which follow.
Our bodies are beautiful. They truly are. For those of you
who raised your eyebrows when you read that, maybe you have
been listening all these years to rhetoric that says your
body is NOT beautiful.
Look right now at your hands. Look at each of those ten
fingers with little creases in each of them and the smooth
nail on the end. Is that not beautiful? If you were at some
sort of Trade Show and they displayed a model of just one of
your hands, would there not be crowds and crowds of people
around you exclaiming how beautiful and functional and
perfect it is?
Put your hand on your hair. Take both of your hands and run it
through each side of your hair. There is nothing more beautiful
than our hair ... all colors and textures ... and so many things
we can do to it to make it even more beautiful. Shampoos and
conditioners ... beautiful bows and barrettes ... hair colors,
frostings ... special haircuts. But the main thing is that when
you put those beautiful hands up to that beautiful hair it is
just all so awesome.
Feel your stomach and your chest. How soft everything is. How
flexible and perfect. So what if it has wrinkles or folds. It's
still soft and flexible and perfect. Is there anything more
beautiful than breasts... no matter how small or large? Another
item in a trade show that would be state-of-the-art in terms of
function and design.
Our legs. My legs were the only part of me that didn't match
the other parts of me. If I'm overweight, they're normal but if
I'm not overweight they're skinny! Legs are just wonderful
things. The knees and the calves leading to our feet. Rivaled
only by the hands, the feet are incredible.
And then there is that other part. Explore it. Wonder at it. Get
your lover to do the same. It's wondrous. It's awesome.
God created it. It has a purpose. We need to learn it's purpose.
And to have that purpose fulfill us.
"When my beloved first stands before
me naked, all open to my sight, there
is a feeling throughout the whole of me;
awe. Why? If sex is no more than an
instinct, why don't I simply feel horny or
hungry? Such simple hunger would be
quite sufficient to insure the propagation
of the species. Why awe? Why should
sex be complicated by reverence?"
-Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
I believe, of everything I have ever read in The Road Less
Traveled, these are the most beautiful words I have ever read by
Dr. Peck. It is poetry in motion ... spirituality at its best
and says volumes about sex as God has created it. The human body
to someone in love is awesome. During those moments of a sexual
encounter it is even more so.
Just imagine, though, if one is ashamed of their body. Try to
imagine if one has been made to feel his/her body is not
beautiful. In that event one of the most beautiful gifts God has
ever given to us can turn into a nightmare. Instead of ecstacy,
it can cause us pain. Rather than happiness, we are embarrassed.
Instead of tranquility and peace, great anxiety.
Because our disease manifests itself with layers of fat, we have
been socialized to believe that this is ugly. It really isn't. I
had a strange experience a few years ago with my doctor ... a
well-known gynocologist. I've known him for quite some time and
he was about to do an endometrial biopsy on me and as one who
talks with his hands a lot, he began rubbing
my stomach. (Now don't laugh at this ~ this is just the way he
is.) I was laying on his surgical table, he was rubbing my
tummy and it felt good.
As he did that, he was oblivious and I laughed and said
something like "Jeez, I wish you would give lessons to my
husband" and we began to talk about sex and foreplay and body
image. He then told me to lay down someday and take my hand and
do to my tummy what he was doing. I did. It was wonderful.
And I thought about how much more interesting foreplay it would
be than our backs . . .
~ Anonymous
PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL
The beauty of the OA program is the fact that a person can come
from any background, religious or not, and benefit. We have
members who are Christian, Jewish, Catholic, Protestant,
Wiccan, etc. We all come for the primary purpose of recovery
and we use a Higher Power that works for us individually.
Weight watchers, Nutra-system and most other diet based programs
focus on losing the weight as the only problem. That is, if we
lose the weight then the problem goes away. We are all here in
our Twelve Step program knowing that it doesn't work that way
for the disease of compulsive eating.
OA teaches us that this is a three-part program ... spiritual.
physical and emotional. If we focus on the spiritual first
then emotional, the physical part of recovery will fall
into place. It usually doesn't work the other way around.
In my personal experience in this program this has been true for
me. I have been in and out of this program for 13 years and no
matter how hard I tried I kept focusing on the weight more than
the other aspects of this program and as a result of that I
ended up going back to bingeing. When I finally accepted I had
to focus on the spiritual and emotional aspects as well. I
finally began to truly recover and now I am abstinent. The fact
that this was a spiritual program really helped me because I did
not have to believe in someone else's Higher Power. I could
choose my own. That alone opened up many doors for me.
~ Lisa
~ THE DISCOVERY KITCHEN ~ DIGNITY OF CHOICE ~
The Discovery Kitchen is a wonderful place "to share recipes,
food plans and food ideas with those seeking recovery in our
Discovery Group Community." This is the official statement
of the mission of this group. In actuality the group is a
warm and wonderful place filled with warm and wonderful people
willing to share what they do with food to recover.
Because OA does not have an official food plan, as professional
weight loss programs do, some people can get confused with what
to eat and what not to eat. Now the pamphlet, "Dignity of
Choice" has some suggested food plans for those who want
guidance. Even with these we are left with choices. How do we
plan to eat 4 ounces of protein and 1 carbohydrate serving?
This is where menu planning comes in.
As a person who has been trying all of her adult life to keep a
healthy weight and failing most of the time, I have a collection
of fat-free, low-fat and low calorie recipes that is immense and
which I love to share. It is the sharing that helps us to
release that "terrible bondage of self," and
eat abstinently.
Food plans and food choices and food ideas can be shared
enthusiastically in this setting. Most OA meetings are not
focused in that direction. Another wonderful tool is the book,
"Abstinence", an Overeaters Anonymous publication. This book is
so valuable that one of the meetings in my area focuses on
reading and discussing it.
As it says in the Mission Statement of The Discovery Kitchen,
"This loop is open to all compulsive eaters world-wide . . . The
archives are searchable, our recipes are in the public domain
and our home page is located at:
http.//www.TheRecoveryGroup.org/discovery/kitchen/."
~ Jeanne