~ FROM OUR RECOVERY GROUP MEMBERS ~

I am about to complete my second round of 90-90, and it has made all of the difference in the world in my recovery! There are no face-to-face OA meetings where I live and I have to drive a minimum of 45 minutes to get to the closest OA meeting. I try to do that once a week, but because of my work schedule and recent surgery, I can't always get to that meeting. Between online meetings at TRG, and a couple of open AA meetings here in town that I attend each week, I have been able to do a 90-90.

There is nothing to substitute for going to a face to face meeting, but the online meetings here at TRG are what has made the difference for me. If you can imagine, I entered a "cyber room", just as I did my first face to face, and sat in the back hoping no one would speak to me. I hoped for a quick exit after the meeting. Didn't happen at either place, thank you, God! I met people who share my disease and more importantly, who share their experience, strength and hope in recovery with me. Program friendships have developed and I met my sponsor here at TRG.

It took a little getting used to the protocol of an online meeting, but it's really no different than a face to face meeting. We all arrive a little early and stay a little late after the meeting and the sharing continues, friendships develop and recovery happens. As I write this, I am coming up on six months of recovery, and I have been blessed with abstinence for that entire time. In those six months, I have gone from the person cowering in the back of the room, to one of the meeting partners and now a meeting leader. What a transformation it has been for me!

So, 90 meetings in 90 days, comes highly recommended from me. If you live an area where you are blessed to have face to face meetings everyday, get to them every day--especially if you are a newcomer. What a wonderful way to indoctrinate yourself to this new way of living and thinking. If you are like me and don't have meetings in your town, or you have to travel too far to go every day, join us online every evening at 9:30 (EST). And if you join us, my nickname in the room is Sandbagger--introduce yourself to me.

In recovery,
Pat B.

How many times are we gifted with newcomers to our meetings? They are so easy to see as they huddle in the back of the room, usually as close to the exit as possible. The large or oversized coat is a good giveaway, especially in July. Their eyes also show the fear and anxiety which we all felt. Sure, we made it, and so can they.

I remember the elder who first said those magical words to me, those two simple words, "Welcome home." The warmth and safety those words held were immense. I felt that my body was huge, and I was embarrassed in a room full of people who looked very similar to me, but my eyes could not see that. They were filled with tears because of those two words. Welcome home. Whoever that person was, I have two words for you, "Thank you", whereever this finds you.

What do you do to make a newcomer feel welcome to your meeting? Let us not forget that all important first hug. I remember mine; do you? It felt good, I'll bet. So, welcome the newcomer and let them know they are home. I will do my part to welcome the newcomer into our fellowship, one day at a time....

Anonymous

In this column we bring you shares from Recovery Meditations, Odyssey, Danny's Letters To God, Journey to Recovery, Reflections, The Promises and many others. This month we continue with Dawn's series, "The Promises."

PROMISE TWO

"We will not regret the past
nor wish to shut the door on it."

In the last part of this series on the Promises, I talked about how they begin to come true after doing Step Seven. Although it's true that they begin to come true then, they blossom forth after the completion of Step Nine. What comes before that is just a sample of what will happen after Step Nine; "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Like Steps Four - Seven, this sounds much harder than it really is. It must be done carefully, however, with help from a sponsor and with a lot of introspection.

In doing Steps Eight & Nine, I uncovered a lot of guilt about things I had done in the past; things I had forgotten about, but which were causes of a vague sense of guilt. I had been feeling this guilt for so long that it was like a natural part of me. I felt like there was something basically wrong with me that made me feel so much guilt. I actually felt guilty about existing in this world, since I wasn't really aware of what the cause of this vague sense of guilt was. These feelings of guilt and worthlessness affected all areas of my life, especially those concerning people.

But, as soon as I began to make my amends in Step Nine, I felt the release of the guilt. I felt SO much more comfortable. I could be more open with my fellows, both in and out of OA. I had nothing to hide any more.

The second Promise is: "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." Like a lot of us, I had many feelings of guilt and anger about things that had happened in my past. This anger was eating away at the inside of me. The person I was the most angry with was my mother.

I had to forgive her for the many times she showered me with verbal abuse. That was the most difficult amends of all. Why had she felt the necessity of treating me this way? What was my part in it? Where had this pattern of abuse come from? I had to learn a lot about my mother's past in order to forgive her. I learned that she had many of the same feelings of inadequacy that I was carrying around. She had learned it from her parents, who had learned it from their parents. Part of my amends has been to put an end to this chain of abuse. I think that having gone through this abuse, although it hurt me a lot, also helped me to be sensitive to verbal abuse in general.

That was the biggest amends I had to make. I didn't make it directly, by discussing it in detail. I just told her several times - that she had been the best parent she was able to be.

Other amends were much easier - things like clearing up debts, changing my behavior towards others, returning things I had borrowed, apologizing for things I had done, etc. Doing these things set me free from the guilt that had been keeping me chained and had affected all of my interactions with other people for most of my life. It had mostly affected my relationship with myself.

Miraculously, the second Promise began to come true - I could think about my past in more positive terms. I could use the past to make my present life more positive towards both myself and others. I could use it as a tool to make my present relationships more satisfying. I know now that the way others treated me, or didn't treat me, had more to do with them than with me. They had their own burdens to carry.

Love,
Dawn