My compulsion for food had come close to destroying my life. I was in a constant state of denial that the simple act of eating food could account for a life amok and unmanageable. But the truth of the matter is that it could ... and it did.

I found Twelve Steps that empowered me to do things I've never dreamed of doing. These 12 Steps enabled me to see the simple reality that compulsive eating could destroy a life. That life was beautiful. That my disease could turn out to be my greatest blessing. Twelve Steps gave me something so precious that I am in awe of their power. Something so empowering that I had to admit powerlessness in order to become powerful. The 12 Steps gave me the most beautiful gift I have ever received ... a gift that no one can ever take away from me ... a gift that I treasure above all gifts.

The gift of hope.

One day at a time ... I will hold on to my hope.
One day at a time ... I will treasure my hope.
One day at a time ... hope perches in my soul.
And sings its song ... and will forever.

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari
The Recovery Group

Before program, unity was the furthest thing from my mind. I was isolated, afraid and socially inept. I preferred food to people. The shame I felt over my weight and eating was enormous. I couldn't imagine that anyone else in the world ate as I did.

Then came my first meeting. In OA I discovered acceptance, a sense of belonging, and a connection to other compulsive overeaters. Here was a chance to change my life. Nothing I had tried before OA worked in the long run. As recovery progressed, keeping OA healthy became a matter of life and death to me. It was then I began to learn the importance of Tradition One and unity.

One discovery was the relationship between dissention and my character defects. Three defects were my insistence that I am always right, demanding to have my own way, and overwhelming fear. When these defects take over, my mind slams shut. I become defensive and intractable. These traits function together to push unity and tolerance right out of the picture - unhealthy for me and for OA.

However, I have discovered simple solutions that improve my recovery and help me to do my part to promote unity. First, I have learned the importance of maintaining an open mind. When I disagree with another member, I need to look for similarities between my viewpoint and that of the other member. I must focus on our common ground - not on differences. When I listen with respect to the ideas of others, I often find they are not very far from my own ideas and goals. Many times it is just the details that differ. After listening to what the other person has to say, I need to respectfully state my own opinion without belittling him or her.

Second, when my meeting takes a group conscience, I need to be willing to adhere to that decision, even if the vote goes contrary to my personal choice. If God speaks through the group conscience, I must accept that God knows best. Once the group decides, I must set aside differences and adhere to the decision. Further, I must take the responsibility to see that others do the same. This is not always easy, as confrontation is a major fear. I would rather sit quietly by, but if I lead a meeting, I must accept responsibility to see that it functions in accordance with the group conscience. This may mean reminding others of time limits, interrupting cross-talk or pointing out that a Tradition is being violated. These are all actions contrary to my preferences, but required for health and unity.

Lastly, I need to be willing to support OA at all levels to the best of my ability by being an active member. This means I need to actively participate in meetings and attend special events. This participation does two things: it supports and strengthens OA in my area, and it strengthens my own recovery. We all win. I also must give service wherever I can - one on one, in my group, at Intergroup, Region or World Service. For OA to function optimally, it needs a variety of opinions, experience and talents. I need to remember that no single member, me included, has all the answers.

When I remember these points, I have recovery I can enjoy, and I promote a healthy, unified OA.

Linda E.

I am Didi, a 25-year old COE. I have been coming to OA for a year and a half, and want to write about something I've recently realized has been an obstacle in my recovery. I suffer from thin guilt!

I have come down over 30 lbs pounds since my top weight of 180. I am not too far from my goal weight, but it feels like miles. Although I have been abstinent this week, I have binged on occasion in the past few months--2 to 3 days worth of food in one sitting (we all know what I'm talking about!). This has kept me from reaching goal weight. I think I have begun to realize why I have been doing this.

I often feel guilty for privileges I have. Being thin is one of the greatest gifts a person can give himself or herself. To live freely, to be like other people, to wear what we want, and to look good in it, to run, to dance, to bike, to hug. Our bodies carry our message and become tools of expression. We are free from the prison of self.

I will often convince myself I am not worth gifts. My disease tells me that somehow, bad things will happen if I have too many privileges. Thin is the greatest gift I could ever have next to abstinence, sobriety, and the fellowship. It has made me feel more fortunate than many people. That makes me feel guilty.

For today, I will tell myself, "If I am thin, it doesn’t mean Karma will attack me. It simply means I will be more free to move and will be happier with myself and more productive in doing God’s will. It also doesn't mean I will be prideful or vain. I choose vanity in my head; my body or external beauty doesn’t necessitate vanity."

Thank you for helping me stay abstinent another day.

In faith and fellowship,
Didi M.
Buffalo, NY

I have noticed that many times people behave towards me as though being overweight means I am stupid, I have no feelings, I am blind, I am deaf, and I have the muscles of Mike Tyson.

After years and years of being treated this way, I actually began to believe them!

It hurts when people comment on my size. Do they think I can't hear them, do they think I don't know how much of a shadow I cast? Do they think that I don't wake up each morning wishing I were different? Do they think that I don't care and haven't heard it all a thousand times before? The answer is that they probably don't think.

The truth is that reaching for a path of recovery takes guts, it takes strength, it takes wisdom, it takes humility, it takes commitment and it takes time.

I would love to be a person who can answer these people whenever their "thoughts" are within earshot. I would love to know what to say to the young child in the supermarket, who very honestly and innocently speaks about my size as if it is the latest news story. I would love to know what to say to the school children who know what they say is harmful, but being children have no wisdom about just how much it hurts. I would love to know what to say in answer to those adults who should know better, but don't.

I used to be angry with all these people. I used to eat to stuff my anger and the pain I felt because of their words and actions. Now as I write this, I realise that all I can really do is forgive them. By harbouring the pain, by letting it eat away at me I am not going to reach my recovery.

Yesterday in my church Care Group meeting we spoke about forgiveness. How many times must we forgive a person? How do we know that we have truly forgiven them?

I know that when it came to dealing with all the pent up anger and pain I had towards my mother, it took ages to actually feel that I had forgiven her. All I could do was to keep saying "I forgive you" in my mind and out loud when alone. One day when I was saying this over and over again, my heart felt light and I knew I had truly forgiven her. I was at peace with my feelings towards her and was able to move to the next step on my journey towards recovery.

How many times do I think I should forgive a person? Well, as many times as it takes to reach the point where I have peace within. My path of recovery is difficult enough without having to carry the excess baggage of pain from unforgiven situations. This is just my opinion. It is formed from observations of myself and how I used to deal with the pain caused by others' loud thoughts.

For me to move forward tomorrow, I need to leave today where it is.

Love
SueG