"The way to do is to be.

    . . . Lao Tzu

It is not until we can let ourselves be who we really are that we can recognize who we REALLY are!

In recovery I have learned it is by embracing myself as I am today that I will become increasingly aware of my true identity. It is not by denial or pretended "goodness" that the Truth is revealed, but by acceptance and humility. This is one of the many gifts of recovery ... we no longer have to "wait until."

This program tells us we can be happy and free now. HERE AND NOW! But, my ego- mind gives me a different message. It says, "You can be happy, joyous and free when you lose the weight, get your health back, get that job, marry that prince, receive the next degree, and on and on. In other words, "You must wait and wait and wait, and maybe someday you'll be good enough. Then you can be happy." Our ego keeps us in pursuit of the elusive happiness it promises.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I choose to be happy; I choose joy.

FOUNDER'S CORNER ~ TRG QUARTERLY EVENTS ~

It's July and that means the exciting beginnings of many Recovery events that happen only at the start of each quarter. I hope that many of you take advantage of these special resources.

NEWCOMER ORIENTATION

OA Newcomers will begin a new Orientation class on July 1st. Each week an experienced speaker will share on a special topic giving newcomers the opportunity to experience sharing recovery with others.

BIG BOOK STUDY

Each day a Big Book Leader shares on a section of the AABB and members of the study share their experience based on that reading.

WTS ~ WORKING THE STEPS

We just finished a wonderful Step Study with John S. and the a brand new study begins July 1 with Cindi as Step Study Leader. We have approximately 700 members in WTS and WTS Weekly working the Steps together.

RECOVERY MEDITATIONS

We reached our goal of 365 meditations in June but have started another section for those who love to write these special little pieces. We will devote this quarter to this section as we look for a publisher for Recovery Meditations ~ One Day at a Time.

SPEAKERS

If you're in a loop or meeting and would like to have a Speaker at your Meeting, we have them available. It would be a good idea to have one each quarter.

Today I am struggling with worrying about something that may not, and really should not, be an issue at all. Then why worry about it, you ask? Because it has to do with what someone I care about may, or may not, think about me. I learned that something was said (while intoxicated) about me - and here I am, partaking in gossip, which I shouldn't be doing in the first place! What was said can be taken as a negative or a positive, depending on the person's tone of voice. And since I wasn't there, I don't know. Now, instead of concentrating on my work, I am fixated on what may or may not have been meant.

My next thought, thanks to this program, was that I needed to turn this over to God. Easier said than done, however, especially for me! So how can I start to turn this over? By sharing it with you, my fellow loopies, and asking for your ESH. As problem eaters, we often seem to have a penchant for making mountains out of molehills - and this is one of my biggest problems! I can tell myself to let it go, tell myself to turn it over, but I have to tell myself many, many times, and let time, as they say, heal the wound (because whether or not it was meant as a negative, it's hurting me and therefore endangering my recovery!).

Love and {{{hugs}}} in recovery,

Karen Z.

The Promise of Service

The promises (Big Book, p.84 Third Edition) bring great joy to my life. Gradually, each one has come true for me since being in recovery. Promise Six, that we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows, reminds me of the importance of service. Service directly helps keep me abstinent. With service, I give of myself to benefit others (I hope!) and yet, like a boomerang, it comes right back to benefit me too.

When I first came into the rooms in December 1980, I wasn't too pleased by the idea of service. I did too much already. But I started to give service because my sponsor told me to. She said it would contribute to my recovery, to being abstinent. I wanted recovery. I wanted abstinence. So I did service at the local and intergroup level and through articles to Lifeline. Over the years I have come to love and value service. It lifts me up when I'm down. It keeps me from isolating. It reminds me that there are other compulsive overeaters who also want recovery and abstinence.

It's true one can overextend in service. I've done so, and I've soon experienced resentment, irritation, judgmentalism, even bitterness. When that happens, it's time to let go of something. What this has meant is that I take on only what I understand is God's will for me. Sometimes, to learn that, I will discuss with my sponsor whether to take on or let go a service opportunity. I also journal about it, pray about it, and gradually (or quickly) the right course of action will present itself for me.

I know that service, in and out of OA & TRG, will always be part of my life. It enriches and rewards me. It helps keep me sane. I highly recommend this wonderful tool of our program. I have heard people say that attending a meeting is giving service. Initially, this surprised me, as I'd only thought of how much meetings give to me, not whether my being there is an act of service. I've come to see that going to meetings is giving service. We provide an ear, a heart, and our experience, strength, and hope.

For those who have not tried service in program, online or face-to-face, I encourage you to join in. You will be most welcome! It keeps everything going, and it benefits each of us. I'd also like to thank everyone who is giving service in this online community -- what a great and inspiring gift!

In Discovery Division news, we are looking for two coordinators for CoKids, one for Abstinent Kitchen, and an advisor for Kids. Contact me for details.

Things are "hopping" in Exercise; the Yellow Brick Road invites you to join on our walk together, and people are sharing recipes and summer plans on Ab Kitchen.

In loving service,
Athena
Discovery Division Chair

The Recovery Loops Division is made up of TRG's Twelve-step general sharing support groups. Our common mission is to provide a safe and supportive space for anyone who wants to recover from the disease of compulsive eating to share their experience, strength, and hope with others. In addition, some of these loops also have a special focus. The loops that make up this Division are: Anorexia and Bulimia, The Big Book, 200 Plus, Journey to Recovery, Meditations, OA Friends, OA Newcomers, OA Recovery, Relapse, Sponsor-Sponsee-Talk, Working the Steps ("WTS"), and WTS Weekly.

As we begin a new quarter, the current group of Newcomers will be graduating to the general purpose sharing loops. This can be a very big step for them and I'm sure that all of you will make them feel welcome on their new home loops. Along with the graduation, new sessions will be starting up in both the Newcomers loop and WTS. If you have not signed up for a WTS session recently, you might want to check it out.

Several of the Recovery Group Loops are in need of a second coordinator or coordinator-in-training to help balance the workload. I know that giving service by being a coordinator of a loop has added a lot to my own recovery and hope that you will consider this opportunity to give service. If you are interested in becoming a coordinator or coordinator in training for one of the Recovery Group Loops, please contact me at the "recoveryloopsadm" address, below. If you aren't interested in a coordinator service position but would consider sending welcome and/or farewell letters, or posting daily topics, please contact me as well.

Respectfully submitted,

CherylS, Chair
The Recovery Group Loops Division

WHY HAVE A SPONSOR?

My name is Marilyn and I am one of the Newcomers meeting leader's here at TRG.

Many times I am asked the question, "Do we really have to have a sponsor?"

As compulsive overeaters, we have a tendency to try to isolate ourselves from others, and re-write the rules. We may even feel a little bit nervous about having a sponsor, for fear of letting someone get "that close" to us.

It is that very closeness, however, that makes the relationship between sponsor and sponsee so special. A sponsor is "technically" neither family nor "friend". And though we may like, rely, and feel close to our sponsor, our sponsor is the one person that we do not have to "put on a face" for. A sponsor is someone who has taken the time to get to know your story, your situation, and can take the time to listen to you, and share their own story and wisdom with you.

A sponsor helps define our abstinence. A sponsor holds your feet to the fire when you want to quit. A sponsor can help us from feeling alone and isolated. A sponsor cheers you on when you succeed. A sponsor cares when you are sick. A sponsor lends an ear or strong shoulder when needed. A sponsor gives us a kick in the pants when we are procrastinating and being lazy. And, perhaps most importantly, a sponsor meets with you as an equal, under- standing instead of insulting, guiding instead of judging, providing us with a walking, talking example of how abstinence is possible, and sanity can prevail.

Just as many newcomers may find themselves still purchasing and storing foods away for a time when they feel that they might "need" it, by the same token, a person can say "I don't need a sponsor". Both are a way our mind tries to give us license to not have to truly commit to our program.

We sincerely hope that you take advantage of finding an available sponsor. Trying to rewrite the rules is just another way of cheating yourself.

TRG Sponsor Coordinators
       Patt and Cate
       TRG Sponsor Coordinators

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Angels Have A New Home!

• Help Me Make It Through The Night
• Hooked On A Feeling
• I'm A Believer
• HELP! I Need Somebody!
• If You Wanna Be Happy
• My Special Angel
• Oh, Lonesome Me
• We Can Work It Out

Evelyn G. comes to us from New Mexico, and is the mother of 4 boys, ages 7, 5, and twin 3 year olds.

Evelyn, please tell us a little about yourself and how you came to be here at The Recovery Group.

"I am one of those people who likes country life. Our house is in what you would call "the boonies", and we do not have the resources that a more populated area would have, including OA meetings.

I had heard of OA through a friend, and went searching for OA Literature on the OA site. I was delighted when I saw The Recovery Group listed as a source of online meetings.

I am not one for gimmicks, buying diet pills, or lots of books on dieting." I was looking for something that would educate and inspire me... something that had the power to change my actions and thus change my life.

From my first meeting, I felt as though I belonged here, a feeling that is something I almost never felt anywhere else. Also, the meetings calm me, they center my thinking, and help me stop feeling sorry for myself. I find myself thinking about the good things I have, rather than the things I do not or cannot have.

I am still working on a food plan, but I really like the fact that I have choices, the kinds of choices I can live with.

I have not found abstinence yet, but I find that I am much more aware, and taking better care of myself. Before, it was all about taking care of other people, and seeing to their needs. Now, I am going for walks with the kids, playing frisbee with our two dogs, Boomer and Ziggy, making sure that I do not let myself get cabin fever by staying in the house too long, and taking some 'ME' time."

Last night, two family members of one of the residents at our nursing home came in with some requests and some concerns. As is our habit, every attempt was made to answer their needs. Later on, one of the ladies expressed appreciation for the way their inquiries were handled: not only what we did, but how we received their input. I laughed and told her a little secret. We aren't angels; it's just easier to be kind than it is to be grumpy, and it's easier on our lives when our residents and families are happy.

That doesn't mean that every request is approved. Several of the requests last night were for things we can't do under state and federal laws or because they would just be bad medicine. But that was explained in a way that was respectful and allowed the family access to that same information elsewhere, so they could also check the validity of our response.

Driving home later, I could see how closely that paralleled Program. "Easy does it" is more than a bland bumper sticker. Sharing genuine love and respect for others gets that same thing thrown back at us (most of the time, LOL!!) Showing pride and selfishness, resisting change, defending the indefensible gets those attitudes thrown back at us. I am very clear about what I'd like to be catching in my life and I know my staff has had many conversations in recognition of the benefits of following the "Golden Rule" in our practice. When I am serene, I am able to work a more effective program because my energy is not going into resistance, it is going into recovery!

This year, I am privileged to sponsor two beautiful people. We have our differences from time to time, but the bottom line has always been to seek the way that meets the needs of the day. Sometimes that gets scary, but the hard line days are always followed by relaxing into the recovery that came as the result of gently but staunchly standing on the program.

When Bill W. and the other 100 or so alcoholics were putting the Big Book and the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" together, they quickly learned to act with reverence to each others' needs while presenting a united front against the disease. It is no different today. I don't argue about program anymore, I ask, "Where do you find that in the Big Book?" Often that question leads me to a more rounded understanding, as well as gets the others involved in the discussion. It all works out..and it WILL work out as long as we stay on the path.

Love and peace,
Helen

I never thought much about honesty being a "hot button" issue in my life. Perhaps it is because I consider myself an honest person. But then, I rethought the concept. I would define myself as a person of integrity, but am I really honest?

After being married, honesty came up as a relationship issue. I stressed to my husband that I wanted to know the truth about anything, no matter how hurtful or traumatic. One of my mantras: is "If I ever find out that, all these years, you have been keeping a secret from me, (one that could potentially change the dynamic of the relationship, not the flat tire you got last week and forgot to tell me!), the lie would be worse than whatever the action was, because then I would be made out to be a 'chump', and my love and trust would have all been in vain." I trust my mate, and I trust he is honest with me. At least, I hope so!

However, at times in my life, I have seen how much "I could get away with" in certain situations. This could loosely be defined as dishonesty, but maybe it's not so loose! Sometimes, consequences have caught up to me. At times I have held steadfast to my original ruse; at other times, I have "given up", feigning ignorance or lack of clarity. It's funny how I am so proud of my intellectual abilities, but that I can feign ignorance when the situation suits me!

As it stands, I am a compulsive overeater who eats alone. For the most part, I eat in secret, out of shame and embarrassment. I always have an excuse in mind in case I am ever caught - which is rare! I think these excuses are thin veils, and those close to me who may "come upon a binge" would know right away what I was really up to. It has been said to me that I have intellectualized being a compulsive overeater, but that I have not accepted this as fact. This keeps me stuck in my willful thinking. Inside of this is honesty. It is the velvet lining in the box called compulsive overeating. If that box ever got opened, it's worth and value would exist because of the beautiful lining inside the gnarled box. My box is rarely opened.

Today, I repeated in my mind what I have felt many times before. Who could understand the longing when all you want in the world is to be thin, yet it seems to be the one thing I cannot have. And when people asked me how I was today, I wanted to scream out "you could never know the pain of walking through your day feeling less than!" I am often dishonest in the face I put to the world. A million times a day I want to confide in someone how painful it is to be me. I want to be a healthy, normal sized person; someone who can be happy and even-tempered. I have lived the secret life of a COE. Abstinent and recovering moments that unfurled into days and days that slithered into weeks allowed me to see the honest life of a recovering COE. The unadulterated joy of not having to lie, especially to ourselves, about what we ate or how we feel; this is nirvana for the still suffering! When I think about honesty as OA espouses it, I realize that it is much more how we live in the light than contrive in the darkness.

Respectfully submitted,
Lisa K.

~ FROM THE TWELVE-STEP LITERATURE ~

~~ AN AA BIG BOOK READING~~

Dear Readers,

As you may know, sadly, Myrlene, our Big Book Coordinator, passed away last month. She was a longtime contributor of Serendipity and Trusted Servant of The Recovery Group. Her experience, strength and hope will live on in the hearts of those whose lives she touched, and will reach future generations of compulsive overeaters through the backpages of Serendipity. We post this article as a fond farewell to our beloved Birdlady in Michigan.

Love in recovery,

Rob and the Serendipity Team

MY SHARE...

"Yes, there is a substitute and it is vastly more than that. It is a fellowship in Alcoholics Anonymous/Overeaters Anonymous. There you will find release from care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead. Thus we find the fellowship, and so will you."

Many Blessings on your Path,
    Myrlene