"Love conquers all things.
Let us, too, surrender to love."
     ~Virgil

One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is how to love myself. I had to discover my capacity for self-care. It was necessary that I listen to how I talked to myself and learn to speak in more positive and affirming ways. Learning to smile, and then laugh when I made a mistake, helped me to be less self-centered and more able to just have fun.

Life is a great experience when I surrender myself to the love around me. Expressing my love to others increases its quantity and quality inside me. Every single human being needs to know that someone loves them, and that they are lovable. Everyone needs to know that they are sufficient. I've discovered that as I give love to others, it is returned to me many times over.

One Day at a Time . . .
I will work at expressing unconditional love.

~ FOUNDER'S CORNER ~

Dear Recovery Friends,

This is the "Love Month." To love and to be loved is the greatest gift ever given ... the greatest gift ever received. We can love all kinds of things ... and one of the "things" I love is this beautiful community called The Recovery Group. And I love those of you who over the past decade have turned it from being just a bunch of e-mail lists into a community. I want to tell you what has happened as a result of a lot of hard work, caring, sharing and love! I want to share with you what happens when suffering people are connected at the heart.

For our Tenth Birthday present, The Recovery Group Community has been given a wonderful new home. No longer will our support groups be in more than one place; no longer will we be subjected to pop-ups, advertising, animations and commercials; no longer will we have to put up with SPAM, or a technical support system where we never hear from a live person or even wonder if our anonymity will be compromised.

I am so very pleased to announce to you that The Recovery Group lists will all be moved to their very own domain with the largest and best listserver in the world. In the very near future our new home will be at lists. TheRecoveryGroup.org and you will each be sent all the details in the next week. The migration will not affect you except for a change in the address to which you send your shares. The benefits will be many and we ask that you have patience while the best Trusted Servant team on the planet gets to work.

We are so very blessed. Thanks to all of you for being here, working your program, sharing with your home loop, participating as Trusted Servants and letting us know as often as possible that, as a result of the Twelve Steps, you are receiving the promises.

Happy February, Loopies!

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari

The Recovery Group Loops Division Chair administrates our Twelve Step general sharing support groups. Many of these are also our largest loops. The Chairperson of the Recovery Group Loops works with the Coordinators of each of the fifteen individual Recovery loops.

2005 has brought an influx of new members curious about OA and about online recovery. Darcy and Jumper, the new coordinators, are handling the newcomers wonderfully.

OA Friends also has a new coordinator (Nancy T), who is breathing new life into the loop.

A WTS Step Study began in January with Bob W as the leader. This loop has also grown in 2005.

Dee has agreed to coordinate HOTJ and is doing a really good job also.

The big news in the Recovery Loops, however, is that Kris has agreed to be the Recovery Loops Division Leader. Welcome and thanks to all the new trusted servants.

Established to help anyone afflicted with an eating disorder, the Discovery Loops empower men, women and even children. Through the Discovery Loops we hope to help others learn about OA and connect with others that suffer the same disease.

For some, isolation has been the only way of life and so for the first time when they join TRG they see there is hope in Recovery.

The Discovery Loops consist of five loops. Two of them were created for children and their parents. They are Kids & Discovery, and COKIDS. Kids & Discovery is a loop where only children can share and has one adult moderator. CoKids is the loop for parents, grandparents and teachers. Anyone who needs assistance helping a child with an eating disorder.

If you like to cook and have some great recipes then Kitchen and Discovery is for you. This is the place where you can share food plans, recipes, and food ideas and do not have to worry about talking about food. We ask you to take what you want and leave the rest. So come on and join us, it will be fun, all of us sharing our "secret" recipes with each other.

And after we talk and eat food then we can swing on over to Exercise and Recovery. This loop is a great place to be when you want to commit some exercise goals with others, and to just want to hear what others are doing. It can be run like a discussion group and services are available like all other loops; sponsors, meetings, Big Book Studies, etc.

Lastly, we have The Yellow Brick Road. What a way to travel our journey of recovery and at the same time be able to go back to our childhood if we have left some unfinished business or wounds there.

In this loop there are no Coordinators, no guidelines, basically anything goes. It is a spiritual loop, but not religious. You choose where you want to begin your journey, childhood, teens, adult and go from there. Wherever, the Yellow Brick Road leads you remember the important thing is for you to DISCOVER who you really are and that you are not alone!

Athena
Division Leader

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

1995-2005 ~ TRG'S FIRST DECADE

Once upon a time, when the world wide web was much younger, there was an email loop for compulsive overeaters called Oasis. This loop was a wonderful place of recovery for many people. One of the people who found the miracle of abstinence on the Oasis loop was a woman named Mari. She began to be a major contributor, writing letters of encouragement to the newcomers, and letters in general talking about her feelings and her successes and struggles. She started calling some of these letters "Journey to Recovery". They followed a format. They started out with a quotation from someone, usually someone well-known, then she would write about that quotation, and she ended her journal with a prayer. Mari wrote these Journeys daily, and people began talking about them. As is the case on email loops sometimes, there were a few nay-sayers who didn't care for the Journeys and began criticizing both the writings and the author.

One day a friend said to her, "Why don't you start your own email loop where you can send out your Journey's only to the people who want them and regain peace in your life?" Mari thought that was a good idea and Journey to Recovery was born.

WTS was the first loop after Oasis. WTS was and is a Step Study and Journey to Recovery (JTR) a support group with general sharing. OA Friends had replaced Oasis and over the months, people came up with ideas for "specialty" loops such as Anorexia and Bulimia, loops for obese children, Diabetes and Recovery, and before we knew it, we were the largest and most comprehensive recovery groups on the internet. We remain that way today, thanks to countless hours of volunteer labor done by hundreds of very precious trusted servants. Who would ever have thought when that first Journey to Recovery went out to a few dozen people, it would turn into the tremendous recovery community it has become. Thank you, God. Thank you, Mari.

Yours in recovery,
Sande

Imagine this scenario:

Tonight, I have a date with my valentine. My valentine is so special to me. I have planned a special meal, which is composed of healthy favorite foods. I will play special music, and lay out my favorite plates and silverware. I will talk about my valentine's special qualities. I will dress in a nice dress, and fix my hair in a special way. I went to the store, and bought something that would tell my valentine how I feel. I bought flowers, and a sweet gift. I am looking forward to spending time with my valentine.

Are you thinking my husband is a lucky man? Well, though I hope he thinks so, too, I am not talking about him. I am talking about how I would like to treat myself ... just for today.

How hard is it for us to think of ourselves in the way that we think of the ones we love? How hard is it for us to find special things to say; to take the time to prepare a special meal; to buy ourselves something "just because"? How hard is it for us to take the time to give ourselves the love that we deserve? I have a problem loving myself, sometimes. Sometimes, I don't feel very lovable. I think of my character defects. I think of the failed diets, and of the harsh words that I say to my family. I think of the many ways that I am less than what I wish that I could be. And I wonder not only how I could love myself, but sometimes why my husband and family love me?

Many of us feel very jaded on Valentine Day. Love has betrayed us, and we find ourselves either alone, or in unfulfilling relationships. But there is a person inside of each of us who is worthy of love - especially of our own love. The Program teaches us that we are all lovable. We are human beings, faulted and imperfect; yet, each of us has good qualities which we can use for the good of ourselves and others, when we choose to. I believe that each of us has a purpose in this world, and that when we stay connected to our Higher Power, and listen to HP's guidance, we can find and carry out this purpose.

I believe that each of us can make a difference in the world: one person at a time. We see in the eyes of each person whose lives we touch, another person who is just as faulty and imperfect as we are -yet, just as deserving of love.

Those of us fortunate to be involved in happy, supportive relationships know the trouble that we sometimes go to when we select our Valentine Day gifts. The card must say just what we want it to say. The flowers must be just the right kind. The gift must show the way we feel. The time we spend with that person is charged with excitement, passion and joy. So why CAN'T we resolve to care for ourselves in some of those same ways:

Flowers - why NOT buy yourself a bouquet of flowers? It will brighten up your room, and your mood. If flowers aren't your thing, how about an aromatherapy candle, or a bright new scarf, or a new picture for your room? Make the picture yourself, if funds are limited. Or take a walk to see something that will brighten your own day, in the way that flowers can.

Sweet treats - now, I am NOT talking the "C" word here. Not in these rooms. But that is not the only sweet treat we can buy for others or ourselves. Buy some fresh fruit, instead of canned. Buy a new package of sugarless gum. Buy some of that flavored water. Put some fruit-flavored extract into something that is ordinarily plain-tasting.

Spending time - we all deserve some "me time". Some time with ourselves. Some time to think; to reflect; to reach inside of our hearts and souls; to discover who we are. Carve out some quiet time each week. It can be a refreshing experience.

Go out on a "date" - OK, you can't really take yourself to the movies... or can you? Find a special activity that you really enjoy, and give it to yourself as a gift. Go to a movie, a concert, a play, the mall, a game, a museum, an exhibit or just to the park. Savor your own company, and enjoy the sensation of enjoying whatever it is that you enjoy.

A card/special words - OK, so you don't have to buy yourself a card. But find some special words to say to yourself. "You can make it, one day at a time. You are doing well. You are doing the best you can. Take it easy. Progress, not perfection. You are loved, just the way you are. This setback is only temporary. You made a mistake, but you can learn from it. You resisted the urge to ____; great going!" Self-talk is not just for phony gurus. It is a powerful way to reframe your existence.

Special meals - when I have company, I turn off the TV, put away the novel that I am reading, and get out the fancy plates and silverware. Why not treat yourself like company? Why not lay out those plates for yourself? Enjoy them! They're yours! Who has a better right to eat on them? Turn off the TV and listen to some soothing music. Why not dress up? Because no one is there? YOU are there! You deserve the best of yourself, and you can make this happen with just a little effort.

Love - to me, this is the most important thing of all. Do whatever it takes to love yourself. All of the things that you have to do; to preserve your relationships with those you love; do these things to the best of your ability, to and for yourself. Acceptance, forgiveness, patience, appreciation, encouragement, devotion, honesty, perseverance,faithfulness, communication... all these things are what we do each day, with and for the people we love.

My name is Piera and I am a COE. I think I have always been a food addict. I grew up in a family where everyone had and still has one or several drugs of choice. Until I was 18 I didn't have problems with food and my weight. It was my last year of my High School and I had my final exams. I started eating more than usual and gained about ten pounds. And so I started my career as a Compulsive Overeater.

I have never been "really" overweight but my mind was fat and I was convinced to be a big eater. To make a long story short, it took me 17 years to acknowledge and accept I had a problem with food. The good thing, however, is as soon as I became aware of it, I immediately called the Italian OA Information Office. They gave me an address and a meeting time. It was December 1999. When I attended my first meeting I didn't understand much of what the other members were saying but I felt I was in the right place. I was peaceful and relieved: I finally knew what my problem was, I finally heard I suffered from a serious and incurable illness. In a certain way I was glad to discover I had a disease. I thought: "Thanks, Go;, now I know where I can start from!" By thinking that, I had taken Step 1.

Within a couple of months I started my abstinence, following a simple food plan. After three months I had already lost the pounds I had gained. But I was still convinced my only problem was the overeating. I hadn't accepted yet I had another food problem. Thanks to OA and the Program I kept on working on myself and my disease. After a couple of years of attendance, continuing abstinence and usage of the recovery tools I eventually realized I was anorexic too. My Fourth Step clearly showed me I had always alternated overeating with starving: this was one of the reasons why I had never really been overweight. Now I know I do need to be very careful with my meals. I can't afford for my body to eat too much or not enough. I can't afford for my soul to be without the Program.

I work the 12&12 every day, even if I am very tired or busy. This is the only way I have to live my life on life's terms. Nowadays my life is much better than it was before I joined OA. I have a nice family and most of the days I am free from the compulsion. I know this is the best life I have ever had and know joy and sorrow belong both in my existence. They are just two sides of the same coin and one can't exist without the other. Everyday I pray to God to help me and give me the strength to face the challenges of the hours standing before me ... then I thank Him for everything I have now and for my life. I have been abstinent for 4 years and 10 months and for this 24 hours my kitchen is closed.

Just another couple of lines before I finish my story: God led me to OA and to the Program but it's up to me to make the Program work. Service helps me to stay connected: I do use this tool a lot, because it helps me to reach out, read the Literature, think about the Program,take action and stay committed to the Steps. This disease is baffling, cunning and powerful: I have accepted it is stronger than I am. This is the reason why I rarely think I can leave the Program for even a couple of days. But, if this happens, and sometimes happens, then service is my lifeline, because there's always something I "have" to do for servicing, something which involves not only men and my self-centered person but also other COEs who need me to take action.

I want to thank the people who asked me to write my story down and all the Trusted Servants who make it possible to maintain the Recovery Site, the Loops and the Online meetings.

Love in Recovery and Service,
Piera

I began my journey in darkness, without any knowledge of the OA Program or the 12 steps.

Once a very athletic person, always challenged by issues of weight control, in 1986 I found myself diagnosed with polycystic ovarian disease, a common hormonal ailment--also a precursor to Diabetes type II.

As my hormonal problems progressed, noticed as absence of menses, I discovered and felt the presence of a tumor.

IN 1988 . . .

The tumor was growing as I regressed. Along with this came great pain along with loss of income. I was served divorce papers upon my wedding anniversary. I had loss of mobility, fear, isolation, and difficulty clothing myself because my apparel had to become outsized in the extreme to accommodate the fast-growing abdominal area of my body.

In grocery stores, malls and on streets I suffered stares and whispers from children and adults who starred curiously at the tall, large girl with the pretty face. Corporate women and svelte housewives would turn their faces away from me in disgust as I pushed a grocery cart down the aisle.

My life became hours long, multiple clinic visits. Since the doctors believed that my condition was worsening solely for the reason that they believed I was merely a CLOSET EATER, I was not ever granted lab tests or a sonogram test during 7 1/2 years! My diagnosis of Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease had never been acknowledged or documented that I knew of.

I had suggested to doctors that I had a growing tumor. They seemed insulted and ignored me while exchanging whispered consultations with each other.

After talking with a nurse practioner, she suggested I transfer to a new team of doctors, which I did.

My physical rehabilitation was ongoing. It was during this time that I met someone who introduced me to the OA Program of Recovery.

It took an operation(s) to save and rebuild my body, yet God would use the internet and one person working the OA Program at just the right time to help me in the area of food addiction---something that I'd never thought about before since I'd always been lead to believe that it was "my lack of will power..."

The Steps remind me daily that lasting healing must come from the inside-out! My surgical procedures are permanent if I take care of my body, however, the disease of compulsive overeating is a lifelong diagnosis.

The tools were created to prevent my further isolation and my involvement with life and living in healthy solutions..

By my experience in "earth-school" I now "qualify" to help others at meetings and on the HOTJ loop. My life remains even now "under construction" by my Higher power so that it has now become, in essence, a living prayer for recovery.

~ January K.

PRESENTED TO: My precious, precious child

REDEEMABLE FOR: Permanent, long term abstinence and a life beyond your wildest dreams, found only within the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous. This is a gift from me to you. It is always with you and always available. As long as there is a breath left within you, it is never too late to begin again right where you are. Please don't ever give up hope. With me, the steps and your loving OA family you can do anything. You are not alone anymore. I love you so much and you are so very precious to me and to so many others I have brought to your life. Anytime you wish to redeem this certificate please just surrender to my will and ask me for help. It will always be given to you.

WITH LOVE FROM YOUR HIGHER POWER