When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found.

    . . . Sufi proverb

Before I came into this program, I had thrown God out the window. In fact, I was plain angry at Him. Where was He when my only brother was killed in a car accident, when my only nephews were lost to me for many years as a result? Where was He when my parents died, when I went through my ugly divorce, when my stepson committed suicide, or when I had two major car accidents? I didn't know how to deal with all the feelings around the grief, loss and pain. I was spiritually bereft, although I didn't know it then. All I knew was that I was depressed a lot of the time, and had this great big hole in my soul that I had to keep feeding so I wouldn't have to feel the pain or deal with anything in my life. But the truth was that no amount of food could relieve that constant ache, and all that happened was that I felt more and more fat, bloated and miserable. The food that was supposed to take away all the pain of living was really causing me more pain.

When I came into program and heard the three letter word, God, I nearly ran away. I'm a very rational, logical person so it was really hard for me to believe what these crazy people were saying, but I was desperate enough to keep coming back. I had to act as if I did believe that I could recover and that a Higher Power might help me. When the miracles started to happen, my faith began to develop, and I slowly realized that my Higher Power was always with me. I now have a far better way to fill that hole in my soul, and it is a far more satisfying and saner way than filling it with mountains of food.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ...
I pray to keep my Higher Power in my heart and in my soul, because if I do, my life will be enriched immeasurably in ways that food could never do.

FOUNDER'S CORNER ~ TRG QUARTERLY EVENTS ~

I believe that most of us here think that when we come into the rooms that it will just be a matter of time when some kind of magic will take place. We hear happy stories from those who have experienced many miracles and so we try to visualize ourselves doing the same. We hope some of their recovery will wear off.

We encourage those who have been blessed by the program to share about it ... to tell others how things used to be. Then we suggest that they tell us what happened to change things and how things are now. But what happens when we are still struggling, and feel we are trying, but recovery is eluding us?

The Recovery Loops are not just for those who have experienced a miracle ... our support groups are also for those who are still waiting for their physical, emotional or spiritual recovery .... or, in many cases, all three.

Why do we encourage taking the message to others and the mess to our sponsors? The reason is simple. When one hears negative things and the horrors of the disease over and over again, a type of brain-washing occurs. Others begin to wonder if the program really works ... if they're in the right place. So this is why a share needs to be balanced and even if we can't end our share by enumerating one miracle after another quite yet, there is a way to share positively. We ask that our members share their HOPE for the program.

Sometimes Hope is the only thing we have. So rather than lurk, tell us how it was, what is happening and how very much you are hoping for your very own miracle ... and how you envision that miracle will happen.

Happy August, Loop Buds,

@-}-}-}------
Love in recovery,
Mari

Not many of us come into twelve-step programs with a great deal of respect for or understanding of our bodies. I know I didn't. When I walked into my first OA meeting I had two enemies that I could put my finger on. One was the food I craved to insanity, and the other was my body, which mirrored that insanity to the world. Truth be told, if it weren't for that tattletale body, I'd have been content to continue my relationship with food until some other, more satisfying god entered my life.

Yes, I yearned for deeper, more meaningful relationships. But, since about the age of four, food was my comforter, my confidant and my friend, as well as my sordid master. In exchange for moments of numbness and a thoroughly fleeting taste reward, I was required to turn over a strong physical instrument designed for experience and interaction, and also give up the joy of that experience and interaction. I thought it was food that was my master, and I thought my body had betrayed me by its condition of slavery.

I was wrong. Once I allowed the sanity of this twelve-step program to seep into my life, I knew that food was just chemicals which could not on their own find a way into my body, and my body was only reacting to a behavior that was caused by a disease which affected the body only after it had first conquered my mind and my spirit.

It was 10 years after my first taste of abstinence, while deep in the throes of relapse that I had a brief blast of sanity. One day I glanced down at my thighs (often associated with the word "thunder") and I knew that they were wonderful. They had faithfully carried me and all my weight, often nearly enough for an extra person, all my life. They had responded to my unending hatred with priceless service. They carried my children, carried me to chores and allowed me to practice a profession. I walked through sunsets and gardens and joy and danger, because of a gift I'd never even said "Thank you" for. I'd used my body as currency both to purchase and to spend the expression of my addiction. I remember on that particular day that I did not drown in guilt and remorse. My only feelings were of amazement and reverence. I had nine more years of relapse to live through, but in those minutes of insight, my body had become my friend and my ally.

Today I am grateful that I know my body is the interface with which my spirit touches this world and others in it. Regardless of our personal and various belief systems, our bodies are the vehicles with which we experience this life. They are neither traitors nor saboteurs. They are holy, gentle servants and whether we have full or partial use of them they are a blessing.

Today, I will take a moment to appreciate my body. I will look at it in a mirror without judging it for reflecting my past decisions. I will touch my hands and mouth which were servants of my compulsion and addiction and I will know that they are innocent. I will look into my eyes and know they reflect a physical wisdom which I ignored for most of my life. Today I will give thanks and share what I know about my beautiful servant and companion.

Joy on the journey,

Helen

From TRG Adminstration (TRGAdm)

When a compulsive eater finds The Recovery Group page at http://www.therecoverygroup.org, one of the first things they will read is "A Worldwide 12-Step Online Community of Meetings, Support Groups, Studies, Sponsors and Services for Compulsive Eaters."

That,and much more, is exactly what is found here. Located under the umbrella of The Recovery Group are numerous resources available for us compulsive eaters 24 hours a day.

No matter where we live, there are OA meetings we can be a part of. If we need the support of others, we can choose from among the 50+ loops available. There we cannot only share what we need, but can also read letters containing the Experience, Strength and Hope of others, who like ourselves, are learning daily how to work and live the 12 Steps to overcome our compulsive eating.

There are studies of the Big Book, a Working the Steps study, and a special place for Newcomers to learn about the 12 Steps and how to find what they need here at The Recovery Group. Lists of those who are giving back what they have received through sponsoring, Meditations that have all been written by our own members. All of this, and so much more, is right here at our fingertips each day. Making friendships, understanding, and knowing we are no longer alone are among the many other things we find here at The Recovery Group.

A special thank you that volunteer to make all of this possible. You are appreciated!

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. I didn't subscribe to ALLRecovery, [ALLRECOVERY]. Why am I getting mail from that address?

A. When TRG was using Yahoo for its mail, each member got a copy of the daily meditations for each loop of which they were a member. If you belonged to three groups, you got three copies.

When we moved to LSoft, we were given the option of having a "super-list", and that list has been called ALLRecovery. When an email is sent out to all TRG members, it is done via ALLRecovery, and ensures that everyone gets only one copy, no matter how many loops they belong to. ALLRecovery is not a list that you can subscribe to or unsubscribe from. It's a composite list of all TRG members belonging to at least one loop. Daily Meditations, Serendipity and a few additional adminstrative things are examples of what is sent out via ALLRecovery.

Step Seven

This step scared me. Who would I be after all my defects were gone? Would I recognise myself, like who I became? I wasn't at all sure. Plus, I liked many of my defects. They seemed fine to me or they protected me. Getting overly anxious and fearful meant I could scope out the territory and be ready for anything. Just like a wall of fat had once kept me safe from hurts, and the excess food had been my comfort and reward, so my defects were a way of taking the "edge" off reality. I often hated reality. Over the top fantasy, procrastination, resentment, criticism, judging others - all these defects kept me safe and protected in my little castle, let me feel better than you or someone else. No one could see the vulnerable, frightened child and young woman and middle-aged adult I was. I couldn't even see those parts of me.

But my Higher Power had other, better plans for me. The wise founders of Alcoholics Anonymous heard HP's request that they become willing and then ask G-d to take away those shortcomings. In their place would come gifts - awareness of how each shortcoming is transformed by G-d into an asset. Fear and anxiety change into courage and faith. Resentment becomes delight in others' abilities and achievements. Procrastination turns into effective, realistic goal-setting and completion of tasks. Excess fantasy becomes creative problem solving or, for me, visual imagery and lots of writing. Judging others or situations mutes into, for me at least, living in the now, and seeing each person fresh each day and leaving judgment to the God of My Understanding (GOMU).

I find that, one day at a time, I like the me I am becoming. G-d shapes me and tenderly lifts away each defect as I am willing for that to happen. Currently, we are working with my being judgmental. I'm already finding more energy being released, as energy is less and less needed for negative judging.

Writing on TRG's loops helps me work Step Seven too. I can see my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors more clearly when reflected in what I put down and see on the computer screen. And speaking of the loops, in Discovery Division this month, we are bubbling, especially in the Exercise loop and The Yellow Brick Road. Come and visit us, if you haven't already done so. AbKitchen has recipes and people sharing. We also have a new coordinator for 'Exercise': Melissa. Again, a hearty welcome to you, Melissa!

We still need second coordinators for both 'Exercise' and 'Abstinent Kitchen.' We are also recruiting for two coordinators for 'COkids', and an advisor for 'Kids and Recovery'. Contact me for details.

In loving service,
Athena
Discovery Division Chair

The Recovery Loops Division is made up of TRG's Twelve-step general sharing support groups. Our common mission is to provide a safe andsupportive space for anyone who wants to recover from the disease of compulsive eating to share their experience, strength, and hope with others. In addition, some of these loops also have a special focus. The loops that make up this Division are: 'Anorexia and Bulimia', 'The Big Book', '200 Plus', 'Journey to Recovery', 'Meditations', 'OA Friends', 'OANewcomers', 'OA Recovery', 'Relapse', Sponsors', 'Working the Steps' (WTS), and 'WTS Weekly'.

One of the precepts of the program is that you can't keep it if you don't give it away. One of the best ways to "give it away" is to perform some sort of service. In my own experience, I have found that whether it be sponsoring, being a coordinator of a loop, or some other form of service, I always get back much more than I give. Several of the Recovery Group Loops are in need of a second coordinator or a coordinator-in-training to help balance the workload. I hope some of you will consider this opportunity to give service. If you are interested in becoming a coordinator or a coordinator-in-training for one of the Recovery Group Loops, please contact me at cheryl_stanley@msn.com. If you aren't interested in a coordinator service position, but would consider sending welcome and/or farewell letters or posting daily topics, please contact me as well.

Respectfully submitted,

Cheryl S., Chair
The Recovery Group Loops Division

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive eaters, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

No one wants to miss the JOY of carrying the message to those who still suffer. One of the ways we do this is by becoming willing to share our recovery through sponsoring others.

*Those who sponsor, and continue to sponsor, keep their own recovery alive, well, and growing!

*Those who sponsor will continue to work the steps and go deeper into the spiritual principles embodied in these steps.

*Those who sponsor find that Recovery goes from the head into their hearts!

*Those who sponsor receive the greatest JOY in sharing with their sponsees, and then an even greater JOY in seeing them blossom, as they also begin to share their recovery by sponsoring others.

Roberta comes to us from Phoenix, AZ where she lives with her two cats, Dixie and Harriet. She has two children, Marcie, 23, and Richard, 21.

Roberta, can you tell us how you came to learn about TRG, and what brought you here?

"I was looking to see if OA had any online meetings, and when I did a search, it listed an online 12-Step Community. I was really intrigued, so I went to the TRG website, started reading, and it seemed to be just what I was looking for."

"I love the convenience of being able to attend meetings online, and not have to venture out into 100+ degree weather to go to a local meeting. Online, I can even attend multiple meetings a day if I want or need to."

"I got to a point in my life where I finally realized that conventional dieting just does not work me. It would work, but only to a small degree, and the effects were short-lived. It seemed as though I was never happy. I was either miserable while trying to stick to a diet, or wanting to diet and beating myself up over my lack of control when I wasn't dieting."

"I really love the sharing that goes on, in meetings or on my loop. I find sanity in knowing that I am not alone, and that this is a program that will work for everyone as long as they are willing to work the steps."

"I am already making better choices, and feeling good about what I am doing. My sponsor shows me how I can relax, take baby steps, and still get there without all of the "bad stuff" that I used to feel when trying to diet/take care of myself."

"I'm still a little nervous about how this will all turn out. It is hard for me to imagine what life would be like without all the excess weight. I just keep telling myself that what is to come is natural, and that the way that I was living is not, I just need to get back to the basics, with God's help."

In 2003, at the urging of a couple of co-workers, I decided to participate in a long distance cycling event. The proposition was absurd; I was very overweight, and I hadn't been on my bike in seven years. It sat in the hallway of my apartment building with two flat tires. And the ride ... across the state of New Jersey on Saturday, and back on Sunday, 78 miles each way.

Were they nuts?

I took my bike to the shop and got it tuned up. I got new tires. The day I picked it up, I threw my leg over it and in the first few wobbly turns of the crank, I was convinced I was going to break my neck. You CAN forget, I thought. But, slowly, I regained my balance. Soon I was venturing out, first a mile or two, then five, then ten to fifteen, then thirty-five. I was by no means an athlete, but the impossible seemed more possible.

That first ride out to the shore will always stand out in my mind for one reason: riding a long distance by yourself is tedious and hard. Your body really starts to protest, and you feel like your foot can't make one more revolution. I won't even discuss what happens to your backside. Your mind gets very chatty too, and it's never encouraging; you start thinking about giving up. You get very childish and petulant in your own head. But, when you are with others, something amazing happens: suddenly, it seems like their energy is your energy. You find yourself matching their pace. You don't notice as much, how much you hurt as you talk to them. Miles pass without effort, and the next thing you know, the last bridge is before you and the end is in sight.

Our Fellowship is a lot like that. How many times have you gone to a meeting feeling spent, beaten down, depressed, and come out with a completely different attitude? We are critical to each other, we must be present to each other. We are going to get there, and we are going to get there together.

Love in recovery,
      Kimberly

"In the depth of winter...
I finally learned that within me...
there lay an invincible summer."

This is precisely how I feel. The winter was hard for me in more ways than the weather. Spring is just right, and summer is around the corner.

An eating disorder is a "me" disorder. It affects every fiber of my being and is more than food on my plate, although it stops at my plate. The direct link between my feelings and emotions and the hand-to-mouth reflex can be stopped by a food plan and the tools. There's no "E" in HALT except for me, sometimes there is.

It's been a long time since I actively binged and purged, yet my mind can do it in a second. It goes from zero to 60 with a thought that takes root and grows and grows until it looms large. That's when I get to a meeting or make calls or write or post. My brain never listens when I want to shut if off, so I need people who understand what I'm saying. An emotional riptide is no fun.

This year I had a few adventures, mended two friendships and reconnected with someone from my past. During a bad spell, I reached out, and was met with love and understanding. Some things have clawmarks on them, and some I've let go easily. I kept my secrets to myself when I was growing up, so talking things out was a relief and scary as he**. I can come online and be myself and let you know what's going on because you understand.

I still don't know why God chose me for recovery, yet it's time I stop asking, and accept that I'm blessed and grateful. I'm not perfect, and mess up big time and own up and say I'm wrong, sometimes clumsily. Yet, I've also done welland keep trying.

The slogans that come to mind are "give time time" and "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." God's timetable is perfect, and when I try to jump in, it doesn't flow. Some things kept coming back into my life, and I guess I wasn't ready to hear them or learn them the first times.

I was given that second and third and, if need, be fourth chance.

Keep coming back. That's what they told me, and that's what I do, because I need to.

Love,
     Janie