~ FROM OUR TRG MEMBERS ~

Hi, I'm Helen, a recovering Compulsive Overeater, recovering one day at a time for the past 23 years, 4 and a half months.

Although my mother gave birth to me in 1932, my life began when I entered my first meeting. I recall seeing those who weighed about 400 pounds, and I decided that perhaps I can give them hope by sharing my experience.

I grew up in a very warm, loving home with parents who went out of their way to see that both my brother and I had what was needed. My brother was born in 1929, so it was hard times for all. However, I do not remember there ever being no food on our table or that we lacked clothing or shelter. Both my brother and I are compulsive overeaters. Unfortunately, he does not recognize it. As it is painful to me, I need to let go of it and I have to the best of my ability.

I was born and brought up in Toronto Canada, and moved to Israel as a young adult; maybe I thought the change would help!!!!!. As a child, I was what they called "pleasingly plump." However, in those days a thin child was considered a sick one. At about five years old I had my thyroid tested and was given tablets, but later it was found out to be an error and I should not have been given them. However, for years I continued to blame my perfectly healthy thyroid. When I was 11, my mother passed away from LUPUS. In those days it was really difficult to recognize it; no cure or way of controlling it. Today there is still no cure, but it can be controlled with medication. I need to always remember that I, too, have a disease with no cure, but which is controllable as long as I take my medication daily: do the Steps, pray, medidate, and last (but not least) stay abstinent.

After my mother's death, I decided I could not rely on anyone to stay around, and, therefore, I would not allow myself to get close to anyone, At the time, I had a good father, a very quiet man who could not express his feelings. When he passed away at the age of 84, after losing two spouses, he still could not express himself. I had loving grandparents, but they had just lost their only daughter, though they did have sons. I also learned very quickly that I do not express my feelings. Also, my brother left home very young; he also could not cope. Food was what I turned to, and I kept gaining and gaining. I reached about 350 pounds and uttered the famous last words, "I'll lose the weight as soon as I decide I want to." The truth is I always managed to lose if I made the effort; it always lasted long enough for me to be photographed thin, and then I would start going up again. Today I know I needed the fat for protection and for the ability to cope. My family did everything they could to help, but I was not ready.

My school work suffered because I was too stuffed up to learn. I was always a very good girl and did as was expected, but I was shy and withdrawn. There is no way I would have shared with anyone what I am now sharing. But I now know that if I want to keep what I have so generously received, I need to pass it on.

Late in 1979, an alcoholic friend (sober about two years) told me about O.A. which was quite new to her in Israel. There was only one meeting a week, a three-hour trip from where I live. Although it took me a few months to get to the first meeting, I felt at home immediately. Also at the time, we had no phones where I live, so together with this same friend, I needed to get into the literature. Back then there was only the Big Book and A.A s 12&12, so I needed to do a lot of footwork. I took a food plan at that very first meeting. At that time they were given out at meetings. Being compulsive, I followed it so exactly that it turned out it was a very bad one for me. True, I lost about 160 pounds in the first four months, but that shows how bad it was for me. I knew I needed to make changes and I feared gaining weight, but I really had no choice. I did gain back about 20 pounds, and since then I have held the weight lost, and in the past year I have lost another 8-10 pounds. I AM healthy; I do more now at my age then I did in my twenties and thirties.

To those who are new or those who are still looking for recovery, I can only say that, if it happened to me, it can to you. Find what works for you and stick to it. If it does not work, look for something else. There is a SOLUTION and there is HOPE. If I managed to help one person, I feel my effort was worthwhile.

I have already helped myself, just by writing this.

With love,
Helen

Dear GOMU,

I pampered myself yesterday... I bought a Dirt Devil vacuum sweeper...light weight; has a hose and other attachments... 'on sale'. Now to put this Devil together.

Also bought a PUR water filtration system, the small one. Since my well-pump was replaced, my water has not been the same so I've been buying cooking and drinking water. Now to hook up the PUR filter.

Bought an upright Eureka Enviro Steamer Floor cleaner...also 'on sale'. While I was gone, a mouse problem developed in my house. When I left for my 'daytrips' what I thought was a problem taken care of and solved, developed again... So I must have had a momma mousey left over. The house smells terribly 'mousey'... and I trapped 13 mice the first night home. Cocoa caught three the next two days, and I've now caught four more... There must be a mouse hole someplace. Those sticky-board-traps are well worth the money!!! Now to use all my 'new tools' to clean up and try to get rid of the 'mousey smell'.

Oh, yes, and my best 'Pampering Purchase' of all... :)))))) XCingular Wireless had a promotion going on in our New SuperWalmart... Granny now has a 'new toy' to take on her DayTrips. I bought the lowest 'Nation-wide'plan until I see what I really need. Now those who are upset with me because they can't chart my whereabouts should be happy... :)) My sis will be the first I call... :)) When I learn how to use it. :)) Spent four hours reading directions last night... It's still in the box this morning.

Thank You God of mine... All of this brings me to the 'real' problems of my life... My 'old' work tools were worn out, not doing the job... Soooo, it was time to replace them.

I found OA, these rooms of RECOVERY, these friends to lead, hold, and share on this journey and some 'new tools' that work... IF I use them!!! The Stink of my Stinking Thinking keeps me in line when there are 'rats in my Belfry'...and lets me know that whatever is there WILL multiply to situations out of control... "Houston we have a Problem"...

So God, I leave the clean-up to You; to use Your 'PUR' wisdom. Help me to "Stop, Watch, Listen" as You Control, Help me to Stay Connected, to dial You at the moment of a problem, to reach out to You first, then my sponsor, and finally, these friends who know how it is, who share ESH to help one another. Now be with us all; give the gifts of recovery and Life... Thank You for Your Power, Stength, and Wisdom. Thank You for Your Love.
Amen.

Hugs, grannysyl
    ...gathering all 'workable' tools. :)

In this column we bring you shares from Recovery Meditations, Odyssey, Danny's Letters To God, Journey to Recovery, Reflections, The Promises and many others. For the next three months we want to highlight the series, "Danny's Letters to God". The second letter we have chosen is called "Lucky me".

~ I Didn?t Get It ~

When I walked through the doors of my first meeting, I knew I was home. I had found unconditional acceptance and love. After a few weeks, the warm, fuzzy feeling left, and reality hit me. I did not get this program. What were those Twelve Steps? They seemed like 100 Steps, so many to do. What was abstinence? What do you mean give up the stuff I like? Then there?s God! He doesn?t have time to spend on me. He has more important things to worry about than my lack of self-esteem and willpower.

Then I find out I?m supposed to get a sponsor, someone who has what I want. Well, I didn?t see any point in that, because I could do just fine by myself. (I had run things so well up to this point.) Journaling was out, too. I?m the world?s worst speller. How do you find time to do all this stuff: call and correspond with people, write in a journal, read and pray? I decided I didn?t have time to do this, and off to the fridge I went.

Despite my strong willpower to resist the OA program, I continued going to meetings. Maybe I didn?t get it, but OAers were a fun group of people. I could identify and share feelings with them. I enjoyed being part of something wonderful, and they seemed to like me - warts and all. WOW! I had friends for the first time in my life. I thought that was all I needed. I didn?t need the rest.

Guess what? The program got me! It crept in through the cracks of my well-built wall. Before I knew it, I wanted God, abstinence and a sponsor in my life. As it turns out, God has time for me - when I ask. There are only Twelve Steps. And I discover that no one cares if I can?t spell or write well. Journaling helps, too.

I have learned much from this program and from my friends. Without the patient help of God and my fellow OAers, I would not be headed in the right direction - toward a sane life. I would still be spinning my wheels and mistreating the people I say I love.

Thank you, God and everyone in OA. Without you, I wouldn?t be where I am today.

? C.W., Bloomfield, Iowa USA
Overeaters Anonymous' Lifeline, August 2002