Dear Serendipity Readers,

"We must be the change we want to see in the world."
- Mahatma Gandhi

"If you would truly wish to understand something, try to change it."
     ~Kurt Lewin

There is nothing more powerful to me than this one thought. My entire program teaches me to change the fellow who came in or he will surely drag me back out. Without change there is no hope. Without hope there is no peace or that which we all seek: serenity.

The "how to" is simply and strongly told in the Big Book of AA. On page 28 it is plain that we must find and maintain a spiritual fitness in order to survive. Change is the key to open the door; change is impossible without a power greater than ourselves. This, truly, is the easier, softer way. May you find Him now.

One day at a time ...

I am willing to allow the God of my understanding to change the person I was into the person He wishes me to be.

~ Danny ~

~ FOUNDER'S CORNER ~

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."
     - Nelson Mandela

Dear Serendipity Readers,

"So many changes" in life, we think. But are there, really? Someone once said that we don't really change as we grow older, we just become more of ourselves. I believe that.

As I began to travel through one decade after another, there seemed to be so many changes. But the last decade has proven me to be wrong ~ I have just become more of me.

I look back to my youth and see remnants of me today. The same dreams I had then, I have now. But the dreams are now more intense, and seem more urgent. I see my character flaws of old; however, I didn't recognize them then as part of a flawed character. I had to become enlightened as time went along that certain behaviors were not good ones to have. I haven't changed those flaws, but I have changed my behavior in allowing them to control me.

I find myself thinking of cliches: I'm not getting older; I'm getting better. That's not true. The reality is that I AM getting older...and better...and worse. Things don't really change.

But do WE change? Our behaviors change. Our perceptions change. Our reality changes. But in the deepest part of us which contains our essence, does that really ever change?

@-}-}-}------
Happy April, Loopies!
Mari

Change is afoot this month with the move to L-soft and with the change of seasons. Before program, I generally feared and distrusted change, that is, unless I had instigated it! I lived in the past or the future.

Changes in the past were over and living there was comfortable for me; it was a relief to know I didn't have to repeat some of the changes ever again. It could often be lonely living in the past, though. Change in the future I could, in fantasy, mold and shape to my own desires. The present was where I did not live. In the present, things seemed to change willy nilly, without my permission, and often despite my prayers. Or, the change I wanted and prayed for was not happening in the present.

OA changed all that for me. I can't say I honestly always welcome change. But I certainly fear it a lot less. I know I have the steps and the tools, and Higher Power, as well as all of us in program, to see me through. Often, these days, I take step three, even knowing that could well involve change, because I have learned HP's will is best for me, not my own.

In a very real sense, we change continually. Our bodies' cells change every seven years. I am truly not the same person I was seven years ago, even a day ago, as some cells are changed each day. I've been in OA since December 1980. This means I've changed completely physically at least three times! And the program has changed me emotionally and spiritually many times.

Now, I live the day I'm in, as best I can, in gratitude for GOMU's infinite, continued blessings. Change? It doesn't hold the fear it once did for me. Why? I know the GOMU will walk with me through every change, every challenge, every grief, every joy - one day at a time. May the spirit of change - refreshing, vital, even exhilarating - be with all of us as we enter this new season.

Love and hugs,
Athena
Division Leader

On-Line Meeting Division

"I will not wait idly for things to get better. I will ask my Higher Power to guide me to make necessary changes"
      ~ One Day At A Time - Daily Meditations

As we learn here in recovery, giving service is a vital part of our recovery, and leading meetings is a wonderful way to change our isolating tendencies and reach out to help others and ourselves.

We are sending out a call for help to members living in the United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa and the Netherlands, because we still have meetings without regular leaders.

These are the basic requirements of becoming a meeting leader:

• You need to belong to at least one TRG loop
• You need to be willing to work the steps.
• You need to be able to commit to leading one meeting per week on a regular basis
• You need to be able to commit to, and follow, the protocol and guidelines advised by TRG
• You need to attend a short Meeting Leader On-Line Training course
• You need to be reasonably familiar with your computer and the meeting room (chat) environment.

The promises of the AABB mention the word "change" as follows: "Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change." These promises do come true, they really do!

Having and being a sponsor are a part of the path to the promises.

Sponsorship is an essential tool in our program of recovery. A sponsor is a person who is willing to share their experience strength and hope with those who still suffer.

"To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends -- this is an experience you must not miss." AABB Chapter 7 ~ Working With Others

Sharing WITH a Sponsor as you take and live out the steps of recovery is a tool that helps you to stay open, honest and on the road to recovery.

Sharing your recovery AS a sponsor is a tool that helps you stay open, honest and on the road to recovery.

If you are interested in sharing your recovery as a TRG sponsor, please write to the TRG Sponsor Coordinators, Patt and Cate:

TRGSPONSORSADM@LISTS.THERECOVERYGROUP.ORG

If you are interested learning how to get a sponsor, please review the following link:

www.TheRecoveryGroup.org/sponsors.html

Recovery can bring about huge changes in attitude and outlook! A part of recovery is having and being a sponsor. Give yourself the gift of having and/or being a sponsor today.

Please let us know if we can help!

With blessings of Love and much JOY,
       Patt and Cate
       TRG Sponsor Coordinators

This special loop was the beginnings of all of us together, here at TRG. Journey to Recovery (JTR) began in 1995 and became a manually served list. Mari, the founder, typed the names of subscribers individually and at first it was just for them to receive Journey to Recovery, the journal. It began to grow and the subscribers began sharing back. They did this until the subscriber list grew so large that a list server was needed. St. John's University donated an L-Soft list and below is the first letter on what is now Journey-To-Recovery. WTS and Journey to Recovery were the beginnings of the Recovery Group, which is now entering its first decade.

Journey-To-Recovery is an e-mail list that is more than just a list in cyberspace. It is a place where those of us with compulsions can meet with others who suffer, and share our experience, strength and hope with one another. It is a place where we can feel at home, it can become our cyberspace family, a pleace where we know that we will be heard and not judged; a place where your anonymity is important to us. And a place, as the poet said, "where, when we have to go there, they have to take us in."

Journey-To-Recovery focuses on food compulsions and addictions but can also include discussions relating to compulsive overeating: such as Relationship Addiction, Love Addiction and Co-Dependency. While most of our members are also members of the world-wide groups of Overeaters Anonymous, CODA, Emotions Anonymous and similar groups, it is not a requirement to be. The only requirement to be a member of JTR is to have a desire to recover from our disease.

Members of this list find much emphasis on the Twelve Steps. The Twelve Traditions are the guidelines of this group along with several others that are geared mainly to Netiquette and cyberspace. Copies of the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions and our other guidelines will be sent to you separately. We are not affiliated with any other organization, e-mail list or institution.

This group differs from most other cyber recovery groups in many ways. One is that, while we focus on compulsive overeating, we also have discussions on related cross-addictions. While the great majority of us are in recovery from compulsive overeating, we have found that many of us become cross addicted as we recover from food addiction and often find ourselves in another.

Another way we differ from other groups is that this is a topical group. Regularly, each member is sent copies of the Writer's Series ... inspirational messages with a wide variety of topics such as Abstinence, The Twelve Steps, Compassion, Friendships, Addiction, Compulsions, Grief, Hate, Love, Patience, Serenity, Isolation, Hope and many, many more. There is a different topic each week and the Journey-To-Recovery focuses on that topic each day of that week and sharing is related, but not restricted, to that topic.

I don't know why, but I fear change. Even if I think that the changes will benefit me, in some way, I tend to feel some fear as I contemplate and anticipate changes in my life and routine.

Part of it may be because I like knowing what to expect. I am a person who prepares things (my end table has about ten lists on it, right now, as I prepare for various events of my life) and I can't prepare these if I'm not familiar with what will happen. Change brings with it the possibility of new routines, new effects, new interactions and, inevitably, new problems.

Some people welcome changes. They actually seek them out, either from boredom, or because the people or events in their life leave them needing or wanting to change. Some actively seek these changes, but, for the one who forces random change, the change doesn't always make a positive impact. They flit from circumstance to circumstance; like bees grazing every flower in a garden, and, for them, the changes they make can become yet another substance which anesthetizes the pain of life, which they are unable to deal with in a healthy way.

But changes come to everyone, so it is better for us to learn to explore the right way to approach the changes we will face. If we think carefully about the right reasons for change, and the right way to accept the process of change, we will be better able to put it into perspective within our lives.

In my opinion, change is needed when the old ways aren't working, and there is an extent to which that is true for all of us (or why would we be in Program?)

The beginning of the change process might be an honest look at our lives, to see what needs to be changed. Is our food plan the right one for us? Have we been honest in the way we work it? Is our sponsor helpful? If so, are we following what he or she advises us? Are we honest with our sponsors? Are we in healthy relationships, and are we behaving in healthy ways, within them? Is our job the right one for us, or are we just going through the motions? Are we being wholehearted in our approach to Program, and/or to our spiritual journey? Are there character defects which we cling to, long after we know they are truly hindering our progress?

Once we identify changes that are needed, how do we know what changes to make? I believe that is an individual answer, and it comes to us by asking wise friends, and by prayer and meditation. We look around at those whose lives we admire and think "I want to be as serene as _________. I heard she was able to make the change I am thinking about by ________. So that is what I will put into practice in my own life". I think that this process is flexible, and that we may have this inner dialog many times in a day, while we contemplate various changes in our lives.

When I am in the midst of a planned change, I need a constant, strong connection to my Higher Power. I need to be focused on that HP as much as possible, to avoid feeling overwhelmed by the effects of the change. I need the foundation of prayer, and of scripture and to be around others who believe the same way I do. It helps me to journal my feelings, during every step of a change. When the first feelings of "did I do the right thing" sweep over me, it is helpful, to me, to look back at that journal and be able to see the reasons that I gave for making the change, and for choosing the option that I am now experiencing.

And, little by little, as I accept the change, and the impact it makes on my life, it becomes slowly woven into the fabric of my life in a way which makes it part of my new routine, and is no longer a change for me. I can see it from a more objective perspective, and can evaluate whether it was the right decision for me. If it wasn't, maybe the positive process of this change will have convinced me that I can survive changes, and be less apprehensive about the next one in my life.

But what about the changes that I do not plan? Those are the ones which frighten me most. Those are the ones which give me the most pause, because I go through life, with certain expectations, and, when those unplanned changes come, I am left feeling adrift and unprepared for their impact on my life. The process of change has been uprooted by a spontaneous event, person or circumstance and I am forced to quickly react to its emergence in my life.

But, if we reflect, after we catch our breath and take stock of the situation, these unexpected changes can be processed in the same way as the ones we purposely plan. We can take a look at our lives, and think "what purpose can this change have? What needed changes can be brought about because this has happened?" or, if we can see no positive outcome from the change we can think, "how can I make this into a positive experience?" or "what is the least amount of negative impact this can have on my life?" Once we begin to assess the effect of the unplanned change, it can be placed into the same process as any other change, and be faced with the same mindset as our other changes.

The key, in my opinion, to facing these unplanned changes is that same strong connection to our HP. No matter what, we can remain focused on the positive energy that we get from this connection. I find that my faith becomes much stronger in adversity, and in the changes that I am forced to make as a result of it. If I look at my circumstances, I can get angry, frustrated and depressed. But if I think about my HP, and about the positive things in my life, and ask HP to guide and help me through the change, I am able to reframe each step of the process of change in a more positive and productive light. I am able to find joy within the pain of sorrow; hope within the emptiness of frustration, and I am able to find strength when my own resources seem to have failed. Our Program teaches us to "accept the things we cannot change", which is a good lesson to learn, and it encourages us to move on from there to have the "courage to change the things we can". Let us all look within ourselves, and pray for that courage when we need it, and to embrace the connection to our HP which makes that courage possible.

Submitted by Donna

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The May issue will focus on the theme of "Action".

~ FROM THE TWELVE-STEP LITERATURE ~

~~ FROM THE BIG BOOK ~~

"...And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation - some fact of my life unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism/COE I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitude.
c. 2001, Alcoholics Anonymous, page 449

MY SHARE...

I can't tell you how many times I've had to come back to this paragraph in the Big Book because something or someone was stressing me out or I was getting depressed over something I couldn't handle. I have a predisposition to depression anyway, so this reading has been very helpful to me. How can I say that this and that should be different or that I know things would be better If...! I have had to practice acceptance so many times.

I don't run the world or my own life, for that matter. I keep trying to take control back and it never works. When I find myself back in my depression, all I have to do is look back and see what part of my world didn't go according to what Myrlene thought it should. :)

It has been a hard journey for me, after so many years of not practicing it, but each day I have to ask for my Higher Power's guidance and to please show me in a way I can understand, because I am also one who can't see the forest for the trees.

I do hope that this reading can help others as it has helped me through several years of a much better life, more serenity and peacefulness and that alone makes the depression much less likely to happen.

Blessings in your Recovery,

    Myrlene (Big Book and Recovery Group)

"And we will know peace."

In our series on the Promises, Dawn has taken us through the First Promise in which we were told we were going to know a new freedom and a new happiness ... the Second Promise that we would not regret the past nor wish to close the door on it and the Third Promise that we would know serenity.

And now the Big Book promises us that we will know peace.

THE PROMISES ~ PART THREE

Dear Friends,

The Fourth Promise: And we will know peace. WOW!! There was a time in my life, and even some periods now, when I thought that I would never be able to be at peace with my surroundings. It seemed like I had to fight for anything I wanted. Sometimes things would get so hectic that I felt like I was being swept helplessly down a flooding river. At those times, I felt that I had absolutely no control over ANYTHING.

A curious thing happens when working the steps. By giving up trying to control things we can't control, we actually gain MORE control over the things we CAN control. Now, whenever I feel that the river is beginning to catch me, I step back, take a deep breath, and make up my mind to do one thing at a time. I'll recite the Serenity Prayer to myself. Then I'm able to ignore the confusion and actually get things done. If I don't do that, I drive myself crazy by running from one task to another, never finishing any of them. It takes some self-discipline to accomplish that.

But the best thing about this peace is the inner peace I have found. I have made peace with myself. I no longer fight myself. I can accept my good qualities along with my personal weaknesses. I have to work very hard sometimes to overcome my weaknesses, but I don't berate myself over them. They're a part of me. I don't think I'll ever be good at keeping things organized, but I lovingly push myself to be as organized as I can. I think I'll always be forgetful about such things as appointments, so I write them down.

On the other hand, I have certain skills that I should be proud of. These are things that have come to me naturally. I can paint, sew, draw, write, cook, teach, and ride horses very well. That's not to say that I don't have any more to learn about these things. That's where humility comes in. Its important to remain teachable. It's important to recognize the skills others have, and learn from them.

I think that peace comes from this humility. Knowing that I am no better and no worse than anyone else gives me an inner peace. I don't have to show off to impress people. I don't need to feel superior to anyone. We are all equal in this world, and we each have our own gift, and we each have our own weaknesses. By accepting the weaknesses within myself, I am more able to accept other's weaknesses. Also, by accepting my own weaknesses, I am able to be nicer to myself. That is, I don't beat myself up over small mistakes. I don't have so much of the drive to perfectionism.

Peace is a very spiritual concept to me. When I am at peace with the world and at peace with mysel f, I feel a connection to the creative spirit of the universe. I am actually a part of that creation. I have a role to play. Each of us has a place in the universe.

Serenity is not freedom from the storm ~ but peace amid the storm."

Love,
Dawn