LOOKING FOR TIME
Dear Friends in Recovery,
I am Leeanne, I live in Israel, and I am a grateful compulsive eater/ overeater in recovery. My life, like that of many people on this planet, is filled with activities and responsibilities that swell like sponges, taking over as much of my life as I will give them.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
creep in this petty pace from day to day
to the last syllable of recorded time.
Each of my children; my husband; our pets -- each one of them has needs. My family, my work, the upkeep of the house -- all make demands on me. My entire routine is built around demands made, demands fulfilled. There is even a file called "Miscellaneous" that opens itself and throws improvised "Things to Do" at me if ever there is the slightest chance that I might actually get time for myself.
And so time goes by. It's not just passing; it's flying. I start the week by delaying certain chores. On the weekend, I do the chores that I had put off before, or I get a head start on the next week's jobs. And if by some chance I find myself sitting for a moment… I wonder what it is that I'm not doing and should be doing, and my peace is ruined.
But today I did something new. I decided not to look for time, but to make time
I signed up for a class in sculpting. I have sculpted (rather, not sculpted) for many years now, but I never find the time to do it... and I know why. If someone were to ask me, as a favor, to sculpt, I'm sure I would find the time. If I were told that I must sculpt, I would fulfil that obligation. But I don't have time for myself.
I am sure that I used to do SOMETHING with the four hours that will now be spent each week at that class. But, for the life of me, I can't imagine what it was or why I thought it was important.
For now, for once, I'm going to pretend that I'm important enough to do this for myself. Who knows? Maybe if I practice, I'll actually believe it.
Please, Higher Power of mine, help me to love myself the way I love other people. Help me, please, to love me the way others love me.Reflecting ... Learning ... Living
Love in recovery,
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