Reflections on the Journey


Dear Friends in Recovery,

I am Leeanne, I live in Israel, and I am a grateful compulsive eater/ overeater in recovery. Like many people, I am a bundle of contradictions. On one hand, I expect perfection (although I accept less than perfection in others - but not in myself) -- and yet, on the other hand, I lose patience and want to see quick results -- in one glorious moment.

The definition of the individual was:
a multitude of one million divided by one million.
Arthur Koestler ~ 1905-1983 ("Darkness at Noon" - 1941)

A million steps, one after the other. I took each of these steps, though they led me on a downward spiral.

The insanity of my disease shows itself in this contradiction as well: I have expected to do the same thing step after step, day after day, and yet I hoped fervently that the result would be different. I have expected to behave as a compulsive overeater, but to have a body and soul that are undamaged. I have prayed to right the wrongs of decades-- but in a single day. "If only…" I thought, "…if only the results could be directly proportionate to my sincerity and iron determination of this moment…"

But through OA, through reading the Big Book, I am coming to understand that I cannot hope to have consistent behavior lead to an inconsistent result. I cannot continue to let food to rule my life, and yet expect to be free from it. I must strive for a different kind of consistency: I must take this disease one day at a time, one moment at a time, and pave a path of tiny but productive steps, one after the other.

May you live all the days of your life.
Samuel Butler

Please, Higher Power of mine,
Help me to make my way through these days,
one day at a time,
living each of them fully,
neither looking forward too far,
nor back too critically.

Reflecting ... Learning ... Living

Love in recovery,

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