THIRTY QUESTIONS
The Recovery Group

Question Nine


Dear Web Visitors and Loop Friends

My name is Shana and I am a compulsive overeater.  I am grateful to have found the OA program of recovery and part of my program is sharing it with others.  Please note that previous questions are already up on the web site and can be found at http://recovery.hiwaay.net/questions/index.html

QUESTION NINE:

A.) Read pages 20-24 (Big Book).

B.) Discuss and reflect on your last eating binge and why you are without defense against that first compulsive bite.

My last eating binge was sometime in the summer of 1998, just before I came to Journey to Recovery (loop). I had eaten so much sugar that I felt dizzy and nauseated. I was driving the car, and actually felt that I might have to pull over on the side of the road, I was so dizzy. Not that much different than if I had been drinking liquor. It was my pattern to go to the supermarket or large pharmacy and buy sugary sweets and drive and drive until I had eaten it all. I remember crying out this time, "God, what is wrong with me??" with such disgust, such disdain. Of course, I knew the answer. I had been associated with Overeaters Anonymous for many years, yet I still felt compelled to ask God, "...what is wrong with me that I am doing this yet again?" I was so defiant and wanted to have it MY way. I wanted to be able to eat my trigger foods and not become mentally and physically ill.

Personally, I have proven to myself time and time again that I am without defense against that first compulsive bite. The bitter proof is that I cannot stop, as a normal person can, and feel satisfied with "a treat" (normal people always call the sweets "a treat"), or satiated with an extra, extra portion of my favorite binge food. Unfortunately, I have to go all the way. On page 21, it states, "But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink."This is me. There is a real fear in me that perhaps one day I will not be able to bring myself back from the edge. This last bout took four years.

I close with this paragraph from page 24, "The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

Love in recovery,

Shana


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