The Recovery Group
My name is Shana and I am a compulsive overeater. I am grateful to have found the OA program of recovery and part of my program is sharing it with others.
Please note that previous questions are already up on the web site and can be found at http://recovery.hiwaay.net/questions/index.html
B.) Discuss and reflect on the idea of oblivion eating as it is characterized in Bill's Story.
C.) How has it manifested in your life?
I have read Bill's Story many times over the years. It is a story much like mine in that I made a thousand promises to myself while in the midst of my disease of compulsive overeating; a thousand promises to myself that I could "do it," I just needed a new day, a new year, a new...me. The part that resonates so strongly in me is where Bill says, "One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. In no time I was beating on the bar asking myself how it happened." Yes, this is the part that speaks to me of oblivion eating.
What makes me any different from the compulsive drinker? Years ago I thought I couldn't relate to the alcoholic; my disease was different after all. It is no different at all. How many promises did I make through tears of shame and frustration? How many times did I wake up in the morning only to realize that I really did eat "all that" during the night. It wasn't a dream, it was real and I did it and I felt sick with a bitter taste in my mouth...and fear in my soul. Bill says, "The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable." I agree with all my heart.For me, oblivion eating was the night eating and it was the day eating too.
I would find myself at the refrigerator eating off the shelves and I couldn't tell you how I got there. I know I didn't sleepwalk during the day....or did I? I remember years back eating while on the telephone; unpleasant calls that I would have with my mother and find myself stuffing my mouth so that I wouldn't say or do anything I'd be "sorry" for. Oblivious to the why and how of what I was doing to myself, I would eat and eat not remembering what I was even eating. I have only to open the Big Book to know who I am. They say that once you come into the 12 step program, you are changed forever. You can no longer eat obliviously, because your conscience is raised to a higher place. It is true. I cannot fool myself any longer and if I want to take that first compulsive bite...I have to face my Higher Power first. For today, I choose to follow Bill's way out of hell.
Love in recovery,
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