The Recovery Group
My name is Shana and I am a compulsive overeater. I am grateful to have found the OA program of recovery and part of my program is sharing it with others.
Please note that previous questions are already up on the web site and can be found at http://recovery.hiwaay.net/questions/index.html
B.) Discuss the reoccurance of the idea that if you return to eating you can"recapture the spirit of other days."
Ah, yes, the spirit of other days. You know, it can happen so easily; so quickly we can forget who we are, how depressed we felt, what we would have given to attain abstinence; what we promised our HP if only...if only. Then, we are thrown into a situation that always gave us the feeling of wanting to binge; needing to be part of the crowd who are digging into all the food that we choose not to eat. Then, if we are not strong in our commitment to our HP and to ourselves...we forget.
Then the desire to recapture the spirit of other days is upon us. Our minds say, "you can handle this, just for tonight"; "you are cured, look how long you have been abstinent without any desire to binge"; "I'll have this tonight, today, this minute - and tomorrow I'll be back on track, no problem." Ah, yes, I've said it all. I've wanted so to be "normal", but I'm not. I'm not when it comes to the kind of mindset that perpetuates when I want what I want when I want it. Not just for the parties and good times, but for all times that I have used food to numb me; to lift me up when I was down; to bring me to a place where life seems pain-free and fantasy-like; to= help me put off today what I don't want to do tomorrow or ever.
Since being in OA and Twelve-Step rooms, I find it impossible to go back to the spirit of yesterday and yesteryear. Yet, there were certainly times that I thought of those moments as glorious and carefree. And when I tried to recapture them, they were like stale bread laying on the table...not what I wanted after all, not what I remembered them to be. I was crestfallen. What happened to those moments I remembered with such relish? No more did I find the fantasy meet the reality. I couldn't go back anymore. I had moved on despite my memories.
Today, I keep my memory "green" as they say; not living in the past, but keeping my sanity when it comes to the truth about the "other days". The truth is that food never, ever, not even once, brought me happiness, health and serenity. It never gave me what I was looking for, but only brought me illness of the mind and body. My Higher Power has replaced the falseness of binging and overeating. THIS is true happiness.
Love in recovery,
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