The Recovery Group

A Personal Recovery




10-21

Hi all,

The last month has passed quickly. The turmoil has lessened some since then, the financial matters have resolved themselves and then reappeared. An A/C unit that needed some major service, and fortunately there was some extra money to handle it.. seems like whatever I have extra is just what I end up needing for one of these little emergencies.. I try to see it as a positive. I had other designs on that money of course, but at least I had it when I needed it. I will try to be grateful!

I was able to purchase a new pair of shoes a few weeks ago, and after 2 weeks of pain and suffering breaking them in, they are now "broken in".. :-) or maybe it's my foot that is broken in now.. these are the first new shoes I've had in over 10 years and at this moment the ONLY pair of shoes I own. Hopefully I'll be able to get some tennis (canvas) shoes also before too long. I had the store throw out the old ones as a way of forcing myself to get adjusted to these new shoes sooner. The second day I was questioning the wisdom of that move. I went through a lot of gauze pads and band-aids.

I am prone to leg infections and have been treating yet another one, the antibiotics are causing me some extra hunger pangs, but I am aware of the source of it, so it makes it easier to dismiss it.

Another milestone for me happened last Saturday. I had taken my daughter to a new martial arts/exercise class the week before and watched to evaluate the class, figuring I would leave her there for the 2 hours and go visit a program friend during that time and share a lunch with her over the next weeks, the program is a free one offered by the local Park District and has now been extended through the end of December. I have been saying to myself for some time now that I should be doing "more" in the exercise department to help tone up this body of mine and as I watched the routine of the class, I thought to myself, "I can do that, or at least most of it", and so last Saturday I decided I would participate at least in the first 10-15 mins of the warm-up, I didn't think I could make it through the entire routine as for the past years prior to beginning working this program all I did was sit in a chair for twenty-three and a half hours a day. For the past 2.5 years I've been walking and the occasional amount of yard work, mowing, trimming etc. and as I am able to do more and more it makes me WANT to do more and more, so I went prepared to join in. I had some reservations of course, that I would look foolish, that I would be embarrassed about how little I could do, exercising with these kids and feeling self-conscious about that, but I just figured "so what, I'm not doing this for them, I'm doing this for me" and I was prepared mentally to just do it. I talked with the instructor before hand telling him a small bit of my history and that I had just had a significant weight loss and was looking to begin toning up. He was very understanding and supportive, and so we began. I had moments of doubt when he began doing some of the exercises, squatting down and extending one leg to stretch the hamstring, I was amazed that I could do it.. :-) and as we proceeded I found I was able to do more than I thought I could, I ended up doing the entire 30-35 min. routine, stepping out only twice for a minute or two when things got to be too much for me. The upper body work went well, but the kicking really wore me out, lifting these huge legs of mine was WORK!!! and frankly I was concerned about falling over... my daughter afterward said, "you looked a little wobbly a few times", but the couple of times I looked back at her (somehow I had ended up in the front row, not MY plan) she mouthed "you Okay?" and I nodded and went on. I was afraid she would be embarrassed having me be there, but I think she was pretty pleased after all.

I walked the following morning and the entire walk seemed like it was uphill! I live in Florida and it's FLAT here, but somehow the earth moved or changed position while I was walking Sunday morning, it was a real trudge, and yet when it was over I felt great!! It's day four after the class and I'm still a little sore, though it hasn't stopped me from "doing" things. I walked, I mowed, I trimmed hedges and trees, and even though still a bit stiff, I feel very good.

Business is picking up a bit, almost to the point of being overwhelming, though for me that doesn't take much these days... I will continue to just do what's in front of me and trust that it will all work out and that I will be able to accomplish what I need to. I'm working with a new client who "needs" me to upgrade a remote sharing software program that allows me to remotely work on their computers to fix problems, and I am a bit reluctant because it will then force about 5 other clients to upgrade as the new version is not compatible with the old one.. that sucks! so I have to decide whether I really want to do this or not. It'll be inevitable I think, I just wasn't prepared for it right now. I'll ponder on it, ask for some guidance from my HP and make a decision soon.. it's the possibility for earning more against the possible loss of business. As soon as I wrote that the thought popped into my head, "get the facts, then make the decision". Hmmm, seems simple enough, I'll just ask these present clients if they'd be willing to upgrade, and THEN make the decision. "I" may be the only one reluctant to do this..
:-) Point is I won't know till I ask. Amazing! A moment of clarity. Thank you HP.

The seasonal members are returning and meetings are larger than ever here now.. That is gratifying that so many are finding their way in to this program. I have taken on more sponsoring than before as a result. I am still blessed with abstinence and free from the compulsions that ruled me for so long. Life is a blessing!

I guess what is most significant to me at this moment is that learning to stretch myself a bit has been very freeing, very confidence building, very "trust" building, very grateful and more resolved than ever to continue on this path I have chosen. With the help of my HP and family and all of you I will continue.

Life is good!

Stay Strong!

love and hugs,
me

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