The Recovery Group

A Personal Recovery


Hi all,

It's been an interesting week. My daughter has a friend staying over for a few days and it's been quiet (for me), they spend most of their time staying away from the "parents", so it's been quite peaceful. They spent the day at the beach yesterday with a group of 4H'ers and girl scouts doing "Turtle Patrol". Dug up 2 nests and counted how many eggs had hatched and kept track of all the related details with a friend of ours who works for the Conservancy who monitors those things. An educational and fun day, they spent the rest of the time at our condo on beach swimming in the pool even though the Gulf of Mexico is only yards away... :-)

I am doing well, though the energy levels have been a bit hard to overcome lately.. I so didn't want to go walking this week, but so far have gone everyday anyway. I WILL take tomorrow off, my one day a week I rest. :-)

I was talking to a friend from Chicago who was extolling the virtues of Jasmine rice, and so after about a month of going back and forth about whether I should try it I finally decided to "see" if it was going to be able to be added back into my plan. I had determined several years ago that rice was a no-no for me.... my body seemed to metabolize it so that it made me "fly" a bit... kept me up, unable to fall asleep at night.

I am not sure if I was just scared of trying it again, feeling it might be just my disease telling me I'm normal now, but my sponsor seemed okay with it as a way of reaching out a bit. My food plan has been the same with little variation for over 2 years and though "some" minor things have changed (the fruit has changed- went from bananas to blueberries) it's still pretty much the same. She is always surprised and pleased when a little variety shows up.

Well, I was searching my food plan again for quantities for the rice and found out I had misread it 2 years ago and have been shorting myself on the black beans (my starch) for all this time.... I was having only 3/4C when I should have been having 1C. Notice I said "should" have been having. You know for the past 2+ years I have been just fine with what I was having, didn't feel deprived at all, but my first thought when I found out I "could" have had more was to immediately decide to increase my portion.

THAT is my disease, I want ALL I can get, never mind that I don't "need" it, if I am allowed it, I WANT it!

Well, that thought raced around my mind for about 2 minutes, then my sanity was reclaimed and I decided to just leave my plan the way it was in regards the portion of black beans. I DID try the rice though, half and half with the black beans and will do this for a few weeks and monitor closely any changes in cravings if any, if other things begin to get sloppy, etc. After the first night I had no detrimental effects, I slept okay, didn't have any undue desires, but I also know that one day does not make or break this. The idea that just because this one time didn't produce any challenges, doesn't mean it may not in the future after more consistent use... so I will continue to stay conscious and keep track of this for a while.

I still remember vividly my flirt with disaster a few years ago (pre program), when I kept adding calories to my plan on a weekly basis figuring when I started gaining weight I would then just cut back and I would be able to find "my level" of intake... well, just to recap for those who don't know this story, I was living on 1800 calories a day, not by design, just eating during the day, and then counting up at the end of the day to see what my intake had been, and it averaged about 1800. I then had this thought about "I wonder how much I could have" and still not gain weight, so I began adding about 500 calories a day for a week, and if I didn't gain, I added another 500 the next week.. etc. Waiting for the time when I started to show a weight gain. Well, I got up to 6000 calories a day before the weight began coming on, but in my brain I still figured when I cut back that last 500 calories the weight would stabilize.. HAHA.. I cut back to 3000 calories a day, but now I was always hungry, irritable, and decided it was just not worth it and once again "gave up".

I had been doing just fine for almost a year on 1800 calories a day, but now I was starving on 3000... so this is why I will monitor this small change in my food plan for a few months before deciding if it was appropriate or not... the changes may be subtle, but I must remain aware of them, I do not take this for granted anymore... thank God for program.

I am cautiously excited about this change, I have already come up with some different recipes for this new food in my plan.. It won't be an everyday thing though, we'll see how it goes.

I have enjoyed reading all the shares this past week though I haven't responded to many... I do so appreciate you all being here and sharing your struggles and successes. It keeps it real for me still.

Stay Strong!

love and hugs,

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Part 65

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