It's been a while since last sending out an update. Life has been uneventful, which of course means there hasn't been much turmoil or trauma, nothing of major proportion anyway, or maybe it's just that my perceptions have changed. :-)
Financial matters seems to be moving in a positive direction. Business is sporadic but better. Work is progressing in the back yard as the trees are beginning to become thinner as I cut one today and another one another day... slowly I am seeing progress in that area, I've been trimming bushes and just in general taking better care of the homestead. Perhaps this fall I'll even paint the house.. it needs it and I feel I could do it now.. it feels good to begin to feel capable again.
I continue to let go of more weight, it seemed to plateau for a while, but since it wasn't a focus it went by without "me" noticing... it was my wife who made the comment the other day that it seemed I had stopped losing for a while, but that changes are being noticed again... My food plan never changed so I guess it was just the body needing some time to adjust itself..
For Father's Day I got a couple of new shirts... size 3x. I haven't fit in a 3x for over 15 years so this is a milestone. I was beginning to get comments from people about how baggy my clothes were and had made mention of it to my spouse, nothing more than an observation, but within a week, she had a shirt for me to try on "just to see if it fit". That was about a week before Father's Day.. hmmm... <smile>
A while back, I had begun wearing some more brightly colored shirts for a while, but the attention was a bit disconcerting to me, so went back to my basic black T's, but then started getting attention because of how loose all the clothes were, and since getting out more there was of course more opportunities for encounters and I guess the inevitable comments. So I'm thinking it was my Higher Power nudging me to make some adjustments.. :-)
My daughter is 12 now, with all the challenges that being that age brings on, some days I feel good about how I handle things, and some days I still feel totally inadequate to the task, praying for the wisdom to respond with what she needs in order to be able to deal with her life in a healthy manner. As with everything, there are really great days, and really frustrating days. Par for the course I think. She does have the same food tendencies that I do, sugar being a test for her, which she is aware of and can articulate it, but still choosing it on occasion. She just had a sleep over and on her return she was describing the results of over indulging in sugary things... didn't stop her from doing it, but at least she's aware. I am concerned of course, but ultimately the decision will have to be up to her, all I can do it educate her about the choices she has.
It's raining here this morning, and has been for the last 2 days, and is suppose to for a couple of more.. we need the rain of course, but it makes sleeping very appealing.. I was listening to some music this morning and a feeling of aloneness came over me, a sad overwhelming feeling of being separate from everything, powerless and hopeless, and it seemed so familiar for a moment, but no longer comforting. I used to revel in that hopelessness, wallow in the feeling of having no control, it was somehow soothing to me, I suppose because it was so familiar growing up in it. It passed fairly quickly, even as the gloom of the rain seemed to change to something positive in my mind. Even as I wrote this I stopped to look out the window, and the clouds opened, letting the blue of the sky peek through for a moment... the clouds changing from the black shadows to the billowy white cotton puffs moving across the window. Was it just a coincidence? Was it my Higher Power showing me he's still there even behind the darkness and gloom? Or maybe it was just a break in the storm.. We see what we need to I guess. I choose to believe it was a sign for me and take some comfort from it.
I continue to work the steps, am in the process of becoming willing to make amends, I have my list and am working my way through it as HP presents me the opportunities for doing so.
Life is good!
In the short 2 years I have been seriously working this program, my life has dramatically changed for the better. I am in such awe of the power of working this program, of connecting with a power so vast, it is there anytime I am willing to make the effort to plug in..
love and hugs,
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